Bachelor in Paradise

‘Bachelor Paradise’ recap: The return of What’s Her Nuts

Worst kept secret ever, am I right? I know some of you are nervous that Farmer Chris won’t be entertaining enough to hold our attention for eight weeks. To those of you who think that, I give you this: We’re all in this together. On with the recap! I’ve decided that two episodes of Bachelor In Paradise is uncalled for. Although I thought the Tuesday night debacle was definitely more

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‘Bachelor in Paradise’ recap: Freeze frame

I have thoughts. There is an intense lack of Our Host Chris Harrison in this ridiculous show. How does it end? When the booze runs out? When there aren’t any more previous mansion dwellers from which to choose? Will Harrison roll up in a perfectly fitted linen suit, clink a champagne glass and shout, “THE TIME SHARE IS UP! GET OUT!” Is there a winner? Obviously they aren’t playing for

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‘Bachelor Paradise’ recap: I always feel like somebody’s watching me

I know what you’re thinking. You settled in last night to fry some brain cells because it had been a long day. And instead of Bachelor in Paradise, you were served a rather large helping of Michelle Money in Paradise with a generous side order of Chris’s knee hurts. Remember my golden rule for watching this show dear reader. Look for the silver linings! Lincee’s Episode 3 Bachelor in Paradise

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‘Bachelor Paradise’ recap: YOPO is not going to happen

Brutal and sad. These are the two terms that kept racing through my mind as I sat motionless watching this tremendous waste of time. My notes aren’t that much better. When the entire page consists of the words putz, REENACTMENT, hot Harrison, short denim overalls, oiled up, long lost Hemsworth brother, sponsored man necklaces and about a million bless her hearts, the recap doesn’t look very promising. It’s times like

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‘Bachelor Paradise’ recap: Not one but several flew over the cuckoo’s nest

ABC’s recipe for a successful Bachelor in Paradise episode is simple. Take five cups of estrogen and fold in some jealousy, tears and body glitter. Mix four strands of a brunette weave, two statement necklaces and an entire package of false eyelashes. Add 10 ounces of sweat, a teaspoon of manners and six abs. Blend together with equal parts sea water and jägermeister. Serve chilled to the women and oblivious

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