A change will do me good

As much as I like to think that I’m a go-with-the-flow type of person, the reality is that I prefer things to remain relatively the same. I like knowing what to expect. I like having a plan. If I’m completely honest, I like being in control. I do my best to hang and stand strong when unforeseen things happen, because that’s life. But I would prefer a slow and steady path.

Several months ago, I quit my job to start a full-time writing career. My butt may be permanently clenched for the rest of my life. Last month, I decided to move out of my apartment. This gives me unnecessary anxiety. This week, I sold my old car and bought a new one. I wept in the CarMax parking lot before signing the dotted line.

I know what you’re thinking and the answer is, yes. Like Jude Law, I’m a major weeper. I’m also that person who not only wears her emotions on her sleeve, but I’ll package them up and hand them out like Christmas presents so we can all break down together. You cry — I cry. As I sat in my car, choking out a good-bye, I allowed myself to reminisce and quickly realized why I was such a basket case.

Eleven years ago this summer, I arrived in Houston with nothing but my Camry. Fresh off a divorce, friends graciously let me stay on their couches and in their guest bedrooms while I frantically tried to find a job and reinvent myself as “just Lincee.” That car was literally my home.

It took me to job interviews. I slept in the back seat at the hospital where my grandmother passed away. It is the one my niece knows as “Slink’s car.” It kept me safe on spontaneous road trips. If you look hard, you can see vague stains on the roof from when a Dr Pepper exploded on a hot day. I’ve had major concerts in that glorious sedan, singing in front of an imaginary Gospel choir. I’ve also cried major tears on its upholstery.

As I handed over the key to the CarMax dude, he laughed at all the crap surrounding me which I had collected from the corners of my car. Stop looking at me John! Doesn’t everyone have a roll of hot pink tulle and a decent-sized canvas of James Dean from Giant in their trunks? Quit eyeing my cassette tape of The Judds Greatest Hits. YOU CAN’T HAVE IT. Please refrain from turing your nose up at all of the old gum balls I am currently throwing away. I HAVE A HABIT, OKAY? It’s been 11 years and I literally drove this car into the ground like Dave Ramsey told me to. LET ME MOURN IN PEACE!

Change is scary for me because so many years ago, I was thrown a major curve ball that forced me to adjust my life drastically. Once I figured it all out, I didn’t want to do that again for a very long time. I wept this week because the Camry represented a constant in my life when I felt like the entire world was falling apart.

Yet here I am again: New job. New car. New place to live.

Would I like all the change to happen at one time? Absolutely not. Do I think it is a good thing? Absolutely I do. My circumstances are entirely different this go around. I’m focusing on the exciting parts of this transition. I’m looking forward to new adventures. I’m working on adjusting my attitude.

I’m freaking out, too, but in a completely healthy way. That’s a thing, right?

It’s easy for me to swing back to the negative and think about the last time I was going through this exact same transition. When I feel the anxiety creeping up, I stop and breathe. I focus on trusting the Lord more than I ever have before. I looking to Him for guidance and direction. I identify with the father in Mark 9:24 when I say, “I believe, Lord. Help me overcome my unbelief.”

My Altima is going to take me places. I can’t wait to see what the future holds. I’m excited for the ride because a change will do me good.

Comments

36 Comments on "A change will do me good"

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Joy
Joy

LIncee, thank you for this. I am in the midst of a few big changes (moving from the apartment I’ve lived in the longest since moving out of my parents house, multiple changes at my job, etc) and I really needed to read this today. THANK YOU! And congrats on the new car! You look great in the driver’s seat!

Lincee

I’m so glad this helped you Joy! Good luck in your new adventures!

Erin

Lincee, I totally get you. And reading this post made me think about one of my new favorite songs. Breathe by Jonny Diaz.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hnjeMwxFuBA

Lincee

LOVE THIS! Thanks for the link, Erin!

Cheryl

Love love love this song!

Lori
Lori

I love this post – thank you for sharing. The reminder to trust God more than ever is just what I needed to hear today. Congrats on all the exciting changes in your life!

Lincee

I’m glad you loved it Lori. God is good.

CO Kathleen
CO Kathleen

Nice looking car – you wear it well! Congratulations! I sure do appreciate all you share and hope the next 11 years or so with this car (and life) is the best yet!

Lincee

I’m planning on it CO Kathleen!

lara
lara

You look great in that nice, maroon car 🙂 #gigem

Lincee

I knew you would write that LP.

malgorzata szostek
malgorzata szostek

Lincee, congratulations on being brave (changes and farewells) but please get yourself a female- designed portable bike. Perfect for staying in shape; Chicago downtown is all high-rises, favored by
young professional women and they are all on bikes , looking fashionable , and “hot”q7i4R. Happy Independence Day!

Lincee

I’ll consider it malgorzata!

I just considered. It’s way too hot in Houston for a portable bike right now! But maybe in the fall?

Shawn
Shawn

Are you moving to Chicago?

Lincee

I am not. Still a Houstonian for the time being.

Becky
Becky

Change is good but very hard for me too

Lincee

Amen, sister.

Laura Jean

Congrats on the new wheels and even more perspective! 🙂

Lincee

Thank you Laura Jean!

Mollie A
Mollie A

I agree change can be scary. But, this is good change. Congratulations to you on all the exciting, good changes in your life!

Lincee

It is an exciting time. Big things are happening. Woo hoo!

Lanna B
Lanna B

You should get paid by Altima for this. 😉 how is the first comment I write on your site not Bachelor-related?? You are a rock star Lincee and bring such joy and laughter to so many of our lives!

Lincee

Thank you Lanna B! Love this sweet comment. I’m calling Altima now and demanding a YouTube channel.

Abby

Hugs Lincee! I love this post. Thank you for sharing your heart. Sometimes a car (or in my case, my truck) can represent so much of a certain time in our lives. I hope you have some awesome memories in your Altima!

Lincee

I’m planning on it! Thanks so much Abby!

Caroline
Caroline

You bring so much joy to me and others thru your writing – thank you ! I know this next phase of your life will be wonderful and just what you deserve. Will keep you in my prayers.

Lincee

Best gift ever — your prayers. Keep ’em coming!

Vicki
Vicki

Many people don’t realize that the “good” changes still represent loss as well. I get it.

Lincee

Very true.

Cheryl

You just described my life 16 years ago, and my sadness in selling my beloved Saturn after I had it for 17 years. I was heartsick over selling my baby; like your camry, my saturn was my one constant in my ever changing environment. I do LOVE my new Honda Accord tho….I hope you love your new Altima!

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