Dancing with the Stars Recap: Shave everything. It’s Latin week.

The Dancing with the Stars recap on Latin week means lots of tan skin, lots of fringe, lots of rhinestones, and the chance to get up close and personal with your beautician because EVERYTHING must be shaved. The only hair allowed in the ballroom is from a weave or Mark’s man bun. Get over yourself and embrace the wax, people. Let’s cha cha cha!

Jodie and Keo
“Burn Up the Dance” by Dillon Frances and Skrillex
Jodie thinks the samba is all about having fun, being energetic, and wearing small costumes. Bingo. She gets very upset when she can’t pick up the steps quickly. So much so that she runs to the bathroom to cry. Then she feels bad about crying. Keo does a great job of explaining that her frustration comes from a place of being desperate. She’s a good dancer. Suck it up, Stephanie. I like to think that Kimmy Gibbler (who was in the audience) gave her the extra push she needed to perform a decent samba! She even held her own in the “sexy trio” she shared with two of the JV girls. The dance had its Coming to America moments and Jodie still struggles with her “actress” face, but she can dance. And she was able to pull the entire routine off without burning up in the literal flames that surrounded her. Well done.

Marla and Tony
Argentine Tango
“Don’t” by Ed Sheeran
Do you know why Marla Maples looks so good at her age? She eats amino acids and is extremely organic. Tony thinks she’s a hippie. Call her what you want. The woman looks GOOD. I didn’t have to know that she doesn’t wear antiperspirant, but we can’t win them all, am I right? Her Argentine tango was very safe and very controlled. Bruno wanted more “down and dirty.” Of course he did. Carrie Ann thought it was classic. Erin lamented that she had a bag of Cheetos before the show. Funny — I’m eating Cheetos right now. I dipped them in amino acids first, so I should be fine.

Geraldo and Edyta
“Ran Kan Kan” by Tito Puente
Edyta thinks that the best way to get everyone off of Geraldo’s case about not being able to dance is to parody Donald Trump. It didn’t work. Neither did her hot pink, feathery Las Vegas showgirl outfit. The JV background dancers looked bored. Edyta flung her long legs into the air and shimmied like nobody’s business as Geraldo stood there. It was like a fun skit you watch at the nursing home. Carrie Ann told him that his shirt was entertaining and he sort of had rhythm this week. Len and Bruno hated it. Which begs the question: Why did they ask him on the show in the first place? If he’s a horrible dancer than can’t even perform on an entertaining, quirky, cute level, why is he on the show? I didn’t even know that there were number 4 paddles!

Alan and Paige
“Danza Kuduro” by Don Omar
Paige continues to embarrass Mark on national television by laughing in his face when he suggests they pack their salsa full of tricks. Paige would rather The Rock lift her. Get in line, honey. She compares her frame as equal to Mark, which is entirely untrue. He’s a good inch taller than her with his man bun. During dress rehearsals, THE DAY OF THE SHOW, Mark hurts his back and keeps repeating, “I’m in trouble.” That’s when JV dancer Alan steps in. Paige? Meet a young, Latin version of The Rock. (Does anyone remember him from So You Think You Can Dance?) Alan learns the routine in five seconds and flips Paige around like he’s been doing it for years. Hips sway, pecs glisten, and Paige has a ball. Mark is congratulated for his choreography, even though he looks like he wants to punch Alan in the face for stealing his thunder. Paige nailed it. Alan was on cloud nine. I’m going to go ahead and assume they will start dating by the end of the season.

Sharna and Antonio
“Adorn” by Miguel
Antonio starts the b-roll package by stating that he and Sharna are better than Von and Witney. The truth is…he’s right. He has no problem getting all up in Sharna’s business during the rumba. He likes to invade her personal space. And that fake window they danced in front of was steamy by the last eight-count. The judges didn’t agree with me. He wasn’t smooth enough in their opinion. I must have been distracted by his gorgeous smile. That thing is mesmerizing!

Kim and Sasha
“Conga” by Miami Sound Machine
Kim cries when Sasha tells her that she can’t execute the turn choreography fast enough. She doesn’t think it’s fair that he scolded her, because she’s been working so hard. What do you do when your “star” is a puddle of tears in the rehearsal space? Why you Skype in Gloria Estefan of course! Kim nearly loses her mind when Gloria tells her that she’s rooting for Tootie to go all the way. One chartreuse feathery costume and a head full of bouncing blonde curls later, Kim is shoulder shimmying up against Sasha’s smooth chest. We’re talking baby’s butt. She had one tiny mistake (stupid turns), but the performance was fun overall. I thought her score should have been higher.

Nyle and Peta
“Stole the Show” by Kygo
Peta is determined to show the world the Nyle isn’t just a one-hit wonder. She packs a lot into their routine and very little into her outfit. I always think it’s hard for the pros to choreograph a rumba on week two. They barely know these people! I think Nyle will probably do better with a faster number, because he didn’t seem to get the flow of this dance. And he didn’t point his toes. Carrie Ann thought it was stunning, but he didn’t have musicality.

Right, Carrie Ann. Because he’s deaf.


Mischa and Artem
Cha Cha
“Pata Pata” by Miriam Makeba
Y’all, I’m trying to be nice, but Mischa is making it hard for me to root for her. I hope she watches herself back so she can see the picture she’s painting. She always takes breaks. She puts on makeup in the mirror. She suggests that they put the music on while learning the choreography. She admits that she doesn’t know the routine six hours before the show. She complains that it sounds different live. She’s frustrated that it’s not easier. Then she throws Artem under the bus by saying he changed everything day of. I’m guessing it’s because she didn’t get it, which was clear because she botched 20-percent of her choreography. Artem tried to distract us with his chiseled chest, but it didn’t work.

Von and Witney
Cha Cha
“Ain’t Too Cool” by LunchMoney Lewis
Witney charges Von $100 for every time he’s late and every time he farts. The girl made $1,500 this week. I have thoughts. 1.) I’m concerned that something must be wrong with Von’s digestive system. 2.) I’m glad Witney is donating the money to a skin cancer foundation. Their routine was a hot mess. Not only did Von almost fall off the tiny stage, but there was a ton of break dancing. Sure Witney was wearing a jean jacket I would love to own, and may have actually owned in the ’80s, but I didn’t really see any cha cha chaing. I was confused.

Wanya and Lindsay
“Echa Pa’lla” by Pitbull
Wanya and Lindsay won the night for me. He killed the number wearing a royal blue pajama set with rhinestone piping. She looked dynamite in her royal blue spider outfit. Her legs rival Edyta’s. And her hair is spun of gold. The girl knows how to follow the rules when it comes to choreography, but have fun too. It was full of energy and I am thrilled that Wanya has lost 15 pounds this season already!

Doug and Karina
Paso Doble
“Buster Voodoo” by Rodrigo y Gabriela
Sweet Doug’s daughter came in to help her dad learn the paso. She tried comparing Karina’s choreography in football terminology. They had a ton of background dancers knee sliding all around. It was basic, but he did a great job. Doug still has impressive guns for a man his age.

Val and Ginger
“Sorry” by Justin Bieber
Val wants Ginger to be sexy in this samba. I wouldn’t say she pulled it off. She’s too cute for sexy. Plus, when you’re dancing to a Bieber song, there’s a youthful Nickelodeon feel that you just can’t help but settle into. Especially when there’s a yellow Gerber daisy in the choreography. Her outfit did have a lingerie vibe, but Val’s turquoise pants scream Millennial. It was flirty. It was fun. It was fine.

I don’t think anyone was surprised that the bottom three on the scoreboard were in the bottom three. Geraldo was sent home and I think everyone was okay with that decision. What I didn’t like is when Artem walked over to offer his support while Mischa just stood in her spot looking at the ground. I assume she suffers from incredible insecurities and is probably a closeted introvert. I just wish she’d execute some manners! I’m glad she has another week to prove to me that she can do better.

What did you think? Will you miss Geraldo? Were you super proud of Alan? Who are you rooting for next week? Sound off in the comments section!

Photo By: ABC.com


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