Dancing with the Stars recap: TV Night

Dancing with the Stars recap: TV Night

I’m not sure what was going on in the ballroom last night, but the performances seemed forced. And odd. What was up with all the wackiness? Am I turning into an old curmudgeon like Len? Do we really need extra sets, massive amounts of smoke, broken taxis and ancient farm equipment to dance the steps nowadays? I can understand if this is my local community theater’s performance of a DWTS tribute piece, but this is supposed to be a BALLROOM DANCING show for the most part.

Before you roll your eyes at me, I’d like to point out that the three couples who actually performed traditional ballroom steps received the highest scores. I’m all about a cool theme and costumes, but I’m also a rule follower. Dance ballroom, people! And Julianne needs to put her boobs back in her dress.

Also, GET OFF MY LAWN.

Now I’m going to enjoy a nice Werther’s candy while you peruse this Dancing with the Stars recap. Enjoy!

Maureen and Artem
Quickstep
The Brady Bunch Theme”
Did anyone else think it was weird that Maureen went first again? And that she keeps traipsing out poor Florence Henderson? Maureen admits that week 1 was quite the wake-up call. She didn’t expect to be in the bottom, especially since she thought they did such a great job. Artem enlists the DWTS construction team to build a replica of the Brady living room and wrangles up some JV dancers to be used as ‘70s style siblings. Maureen asks Florence to grace the ballroom with her presence (again) because everyone loves Carol Brady. Maureen is a lot more confident this go around. She kicks and flicks with the best of them. She and Artem stay in hold for most of the routine, but Maureen insists on dragging poor Flo up the stairs to the Glitterdome as a good luck charm. It works.
SCORE: 26

Jana and Gleb
Tango
“I Don’t Want to Be” performed by Gavin DeGraw for One Tree Hill
Once upon a time, Jana was on the show One Tree Hill. I’m sure this will shock you, but I failed to dive into this teeny bopper drama, so I only know her as the girl who sings country music and the contestant who tore some muscles in her ribs. Ouch. Although the doctor instructs her not to dance, Jana believes that the show must go on. And if Gleb has to pick her up and contort her into a twisty human pretzel, so be it. That’s what cortisone shots are for. Aside from needing to point her toes and extend her legs, Jana makes it through the dance. The pain visibly shows on her face. Luckily, tango has an angsty vibe.
SCORE: 29

Rick and Emma
Quickstep
Green Acres Theme”
First, bless Rick Perry and his dance endorsement commercial loving heart. Second, I need one of those pink feathery robes that Emma wore as her costume. That’s totally on the Christmas list. I’ll use it for lounging around while I write. Or clubbing on Saturday nights. Since Rick can’t dance that well, Emma makes sure to camp up the routine with lots of facial expressions and mouthing of the lyrics. I thought he actually did a better job this week than last, but the judges weren’t impressed. Even with the ending where Rick dips Emma into a back bend — the quintessential ending to all routines.
SCORE: 22

Calvin and Lindsay
Foxtrot
“As Days Go By” from Family Matters
Calvin watched Family Matters growing up, so he has no problem dressing as nerdy Steve Urkel. Lindsay steals the show in a bright yellow number, complete with white bobby socks and yellow high heels. There are lots of extra props and sets at the beginning, but the majority of the dance is fun and entertaining. The suspenders choreography may have been my favorite. Calvin is charming, very tall and I think Lindsay does a great job showcasing him. The fact that the actual Steve Urkel (DWTS alum Jaleel White) greets Calvin backstage and he freaks out? PRICELESS. I agree with Tom Bergeron. I feel good knowing that I witnessed the beginning of a beautiful bromance.
SCORE: 28

Maks and Amber
Viennese Waltz
Game of Thrones Theme”
Maks decides to listen to his partner’s request to ditch the frilly, princess look. So he makes her the mother of dragons as Daenerys Targaryen. Maks embodies Khal Drogo. It was all very dark, very red, very smokey and they performed very little Viennese waltz. Amber still seems lost on the ballroom floor. Maks seems to R-E-A-L-L-Y like that he’s dressed as Khal Drogo. PS: I don’t watch Game of Thrones. Did winter already come? Is that why there’s so much fire?
SCORE: 24

Jake and Jenna
Cha-Cha
Go, Go Diego Theme”
Much like the majority of his fellow bottom dwellers, Jake is upset that he scored so low the week before. Jenna encourages him by suggesting they do a dance that’s like “Magic Mike on a safari.” Look away, kids. This dance is scandalous! Especially with Jenna’s unfortunately placed black fringe on her cat leotard. (Aside: Did no one look at that during dress rehearsal and think black fringe = pubes?) Jake and Jenna sort of dance across the floor. It is erratic and his timing is often off. But he did have enough adrenaline to fling Jenna in the signature back bend ending pose.
SCORE: 24

Vanilla Rob and Witney
Foxtrot
“Love and Marriage” from Married with Children
First of all, there was no fox and equally absent trot. Second of all, I’m tired of Witney reminding me how old I am. Finally, how does Vanilla Rob have two teenage daughters? Weren’t we all just in eighth grade together? Jesus take the wheel! The best part of this dance was the costume department’s take on Witney’s Peg Bundy outfit. It was all cheetah spandex with a flowy, feathery bottom. The rest of the dance was clunky, cheesy and mostly confusing. I like Vanilla Rob. I’m rooting for him. But this performance fell flat.
SCORE: 26

Terra and Sasha
Quickstep
Bewitched Theme”
I was worried about this dance. Since Terra is a little person, I was unsure how Sasha was going to hold her in frame since her arms are below his own waist. Then I wondered how they are going to step quickly when her legs don’t move that fast? Dear reader, somehow they did it. Sasha manages to keep a straight back, but have all sorts of fun, sweet moments with Terra. At one point during a turn, he even squats to her level to give her a little wink. She, of course, ends in the traditional back bend move, but I was mesmerized the entire time. Well done!
SCORE: 31

Babyface and Allison
Argentine Tango
The X-Files Theme”
Babyface asks Toni Braxton to come in to teach him how to be sexy. Of course he does. He also had an entire section of the audience who are personal friends of his. It was like the Grammy’s. Or a modern version of the “We Are the World” video. Allison choreographs a really cool piece that was paired with green laser beams. She uses the appropriate amount of jerky moves and smooth moves. It is very dramatic. Babyface owns it. I agree with Carrie Ann: He understands the music and phrasing, so he knows how to hold, pause, breathe and punch through a note. Allison also brags that the particular piece of music they danced to was something Babyface whipped up to sound more tango-ish. Of course he did.
SCORE: 30

Val and Laurie
Jive
DuckTales Theme”
Laurie can do no wrong. Like most gymnasts, you throw something her way and it sticks. This was a bright, energetic, fun, big old pile of happiness dance. I’m unsure why they had JV dancers at the beginning, because Laurie blew them out of the water. Her expressions are adorable and for the first time, my eyes are drawn AWAY from my boy Val. My favorite part was the end during the judges’ panel. Val is huffing and puffing as Laurie just stands there smiling, unfazed by her previous exertion. Love her.
SCORE: 32

James and Sharna
Paso Doble
The Walking Dead Theme”
Bless James’ heart, he only had two days to learn his routine because of his race car driving day job. He wasn’t even there for camera blocking. I’ll give him a little grace, but most of the blame will fall to poor Sharna. I’m not sure if it was because James wasn’t there, but her choreography was all sorts of blah. Zombies were everywhere, but they didn’t really do anything. I felt like it was a lot of standing around and staring. Even with the mediocre performance, James still scored well. If the viewing audience votes, I’m ready to see what he can do when his schedule allows for a full week of practice.
SCORE: 29

Derek and Marilu
Foxtrot
“Angela” from Taxi
Talk about a boring song. I know Derek is a genius, but even he couldn’t spin this into something exciting or inspiring. There was a big taxi and a red rag and a disheveled choreographer in denim. I didn’t even have time to properly digest Marilu’s turquoise pant suit. What was up with that? Len, of course, loved it because he loves Derek. Everyone else followed suit.
SCORE: 29

Ryan and Cheryl
Quickstep
The Muppet Show Theme”
Picture it: Ryan is in a lime green tuxedo with tails. Cheryl is in a hot pink suit with her boobs showing. They are supposed to be the ballroom versions of Kermit and Miss Piggy. They waste an entire minute doing the opening shot of The Muppet Show with the JV dancers and then skittle across the floor without a care in the world before a red curtain drops and they are pulled back underneath it. Two words: Hot. Mess.
SCORE: 24

What did you think? Who is going home tonight? Will James make it to week 3? Do you think Maks is still dressed in his scary Game of Thrones costume? Is this Laurie’s to lose? Sound off in the comments section!

Photo By: ABC.com

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