Dancing with a Rose

I was just about to drown my Bachelor watching party withdrawals in a half gallon tub of Bluebell ice cream, when I remembered that Sean was going to be sashaying across the Dancing With the Stars ballroom floor. Saving a couple of hundred calories from showing up on my haunches tomorrow morning, I opted for an orange and tuned in to ABC instead.

Oh. My. Goodness.

And not in a Roberto kind of way, I’m sorry to report.

Yes, he’s trying hard and yes, he’s overcompensating by being adorkable which is totally fine with me. But no matter what Gloria Estefan claimed back in 1987, the rhythm was not interested in getting Sean. I think this his rhythm was embarrassed that he was wearing a red sequined jacket and was carrying a lone rose as he wandered aimlessly in a CGI-induced pinball machine before the vocal stylings of Huey Lewis and the News were “enhanced” by the live band’s version of “Power of Love.”

Get it? Cross promotion people. There’s a Disney Channel darling too!

An up-close-and-personal shot of pro Peta Murgatroyd breaking down the physicality behind your basic pelvic swivel and thrust was pretty special. In a Jake Pavelka kind of way. He cracked jokes and shoved a few honeymoon innuendos into the conversation, but I could tell that this was going to be a disaster at best.

It started of great! A few side-to-side hand snaps, reminiscent of the Jackson 5, and I found myself smiling! An impressive back bend thing where Sean catches Peta’s neck and I began rooting for the guy!

That was followed by an unfortunate hands behind the head hip thrust eight-count as the fiery Aussie shimmied around his buttocks squeezing to the beat and I began to relinquish my enthusiasm in favor of hiding behind the couch cushion that had been placed in my lap for such an emergency.

We’re literally 15 seconds when he pretended to comb his hair back like Kenickie during “Greased Lightning.”

Faux-Huey breaks it down in the slow part of the song as Peta and Sean foxtrot across the dance floor. I’m again reminded of how HUGE this guy is and am proud of Peta’s restraint not to make him go topless in week one.

The middle part contained an action sequence in which the dynamic pair channel Johnny Castle and Penny during their pro dance at Kellerman’s. It was supposed to look a little something like this:

Let’s just say that they get an “E” for effort.

Next Peta touched his junk while he grinded on her leg. It was no accident that the camera cut to Catherine watching in the audience at that exact same moment. That exchange was followed by some legit throwing of gang signs, a little more trotting and a dramatic dip at the end.

Kensington and Smith are very proud of Uncle Seany. The Lowes would prefer a bit more neon next week. I have just voted 10 times because I support Our Host Chris Harrison.

Did y’all watch? What did you think? Is Kellie Pickler totally going to win because she’s just so real and fun? Did anyone else have the Dorothy Hamil haircut like me in first grade? Do I really look like Wynonna?

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Maggie P
Maggie P
March 18, 2013 8:43 pm

No, sweet Lincee ~ you do not look like Wynonna. I saw her in Target here (Nashville) recently and let’s just say that time has not been on her side…

Kathie gray
Kathie gray
March 18, 2013 8:46 pm

You’re right – he’s adorkable, but that didn’t stop me from hiding behind the sofa cushion and ‘blessing his heart’ the entire dance! I’m embarrassed for him.

Maggie P
Maggie P
March 18, 2013 8:47 pm

Oh, and I absolutely had the Hamil! Rocked it.

Lacia C
Lacia C
March 18, 2013 8:56 pm

Sean totally reminded me of Jake the Fake tonight….yikes. Catherine better get used to the camera shots on her!

Nice to see Valentin again! I like the new pros.

March 18, 2013 9:04 pm

Didn’t watch but thanks for the recap. And thank for the reminder that it’s been too long since I’ve watched Dirty Dancing!

March 18, 2013 9:06 pm

No you do not in any way look like Wynonna! Loved Kellie. thought she was adorable. Watching Sean, all I could think was you should have quit while you were ahead. Reminded me of my one and only Zumba class. not in a good way either

March 18, 2013 9:14 pm

I had the Dorothy Hamilton haircut. You don’t look like Wynonna.

old fan
old fan
March 18, 2013 9:28 pm

1. no, you don’t look like Wynonna
2. Catherine looks great
3. Sean does not
4. Really? the rose and the red sparkle jacket?
5. the first virgin DWTS contestant ever?
6. who is the 16-yr-old Zentaya? Zenyata?

March 18, 2013 9:41 pm

Am I the only one who thinks that Lisa Vanderpump’s pro,Gleb, is adorable?

March 18, 2013 9:45 pm

Can’t wait to see it. I was watching the finale of another show. So i will watch this on demand tomorrow! 🙂 (Tues) I forgot or did not know Sean was going to be on dancing with the stars lol!

March 18, 2013 11:25 pm

I agree, Sean should have quit while he was ahead. Bless his heart, he is not a dancer.
I had a Hamill haircut in the 70s. Didn’t we all?
I think Kellie Pickler could be in the finals. She’s got talent and is adorable.
No, you do not look like Wynona.

March 19, 2013 3:40 am

i’m not crazy about kellie’s bubbliness (is this a word??). wynona’s sarcasm is more my speed.

March 19, 2013 5:03 am

@Lorraine, I agree! Gleb was adorable!! Of course, I’m old enough to be his mother…

Sean looked a bit like a blond Herman Munster out there clomping around on flat feet! But there’s plenty of time for improvement! Here’s hoping!

March 19, 2013 7:47 am

Karen~ Loved the Herman Munster comment!

March 19, 2013 7:52 am

I thought the judges went a bit easy on Sean. He was so awkward and cheesy. And that sparkly jacket! Ugh. Bless his heart, indeed.

I’ve never really watched DWTS before, but I might actually tune in this season. I found Jacoby Jones to be highly entertaining! I’m hoping he sticks around for a while.

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