‘Dancing with the Stars’ recap: It’s Disney week!

Dancing with the Stars

It’s my favorite week on Dancing with the Stars—Disney Night! The ballroom is full of beautiful ball gowns. Naturally, a boy comes by and whips that fluffy gown off to reveal a shorty fringe, but I don’t mind. I have bigger concerns. What happened to Donald Duck’s hat and why is Julianne’s hair pink? We may never know.

It’s interesting to see what the choreographers will create, knowing that the audience has a picture of what it’s supposed to look like. To be honest, that can help you or hurt you.

Let’s take Kym for example:

Screen Shot 2015-04-14 at 11.55.43 AM

Not once in the literally thousands of times I watched the movie did Mary Poppins ever show Burt her sternum. Who needs a spoonful of sugar when clearly cleavage helps the medicine go down?

And then there’s Jessie from Toy Story:

Dancing with the Stars

What in the world? I can’t believe Disney executives allowed the costume designers to shop in the adult Halloween section at Party City. I’m also unclear why Jessie is dancing with Tony Manero from Saturday Night Fever. I’m almost positive that wasn’t a Disney movie.

Moving on! Here’s the breakdown of dances:

Suzanne and Tony
Jazz
“He’s a Tramp” from Lady & The Tramp
What a way to open the show! Nothing says Disney Week like a grown woman succumbing to the pressure of comparing herself to others. If that’s not a lead in to a “believe in yourself” Disney talk, then I don’t know what is. Tony used words like “dreams” and “journey.” I checked my DVR to make sure I wasn’t accidentally watching an old episode of The Bachelor. I wasn’t. Suzanne finally came around, shared some spaghetti with her tramp and proceeded to trip up all over the dance floor. For some reason, the judges praised her.
Score: 28

Robert and Kym
Quick Step
“Step In Time” from Mary Poppins
Dancing with the StarsABC is determined to catch Robert and Kym making out behind the scenes. And I’m going to cheer when they have video proof that these two kids are an item. Robert is a little too excited to see what Kym’s Mary Poppins outfit will look like, which was confusing to me at first. A red coat, black hat, and carpet bag are sexy? Who knew! Of course, judging on the screen grab from above, we now know what he was looking forward to. SIDE BOOB. Kym actually flew in holding an umbrella and took no less than two minutes waiting for the ABC intern to unhook her from the flying apparatus. The JV dancers went into overdrive with their chimney sweep routine while we waited for Kym to go full on Naughty Poppins. Unfortunately, Robert’s steps were not in time.
Score: 24

Queen Patti and Artem
Waltz
“When You Wish Upon a Star” from Pinocchio
Queen Patti hurt her knee a few weeks ago and I can’t help but find Artem’s concern for her completely endearing. He called her a treasure and she vowed to never let him down. At the beginning of her dance, Queen Patti pronounced that, “When you wish upon a star, anything your heart desires will come true.” (I went outside, found a star and wished for a husband. I’ll let you know when it comes true.) Patti basically walked from here to there in a lovely yellow dress, as Artem danced around in grey tails. The audience gave her another standing ovation and she cried. She could read the phone book and these people would go nuts. Me included.
Score: 27

Mark and Willow
Foxtrot
“Alice” from Alice in Wonderland
Here’s the deal—Mark is very talented and pushes the creative bar each and every week. However, HE PULLS FOCUS AND THAT DRIVES ME NUTS. His White Rabbit was creepy. But the music was creepy, so I’m not sure if that’s what he was going for. The human cards (go JV team!) were distracting. The smoke was distracting. It felt like the musical number of a One Act Play. I don’t think I watched Willow once. I was too busy being ooged out by Mark’s rabbit head. On another note, my absolute favorite part was when Willow’s dad came into rehearsals every few hours to make her stop for “snack time.” I love that guy.
Score: 34

The Farmer and Witney
Quickstep
“Hercules” from Hercules
There’s no other way to put this gently. The Farmer was flat out rude to Witney during rehearsals. She’s pushing him to be more than white-man-overbite-guy and he snapped at her to not argue with him because THIS is how it is. I didn’t blame her for leaving to go cry it out. She brought last season’s champion Alfonso in to help lighten the mood. Even Carlton couldn’t help the dance. Or the cheese that went along with the dance. It started off a hot mess, got better and then ended up sad.
Score: 27

Noah and Sharna
Foxtrot
“A Whole New World” from Aladdin
Dancing with the StarsNoah doesn’t have a knee so he can’t rise and fall, which is essential for a traditional foxtrot. This concerns him because he thinks he looks stupid. Sharna tells him to quit acting like a princess, because there’s nothing he can do about it. Instead of focusing on what he doesn’t have, he should focus on what he DOES have. His abs. Put him in an open vest with some maharaja pants, make him sit in the tanning bed for a few hours and dye his hair black. Boom. Who cares that he ended up looking like Alan Thicke? He flew in on a magic carpet. That’s awesome.
Score: 28

Riker and Allison
Paso Doble
Score from Pirates of the Caribbean
This dance was by far my favorite one of the night. Yes it had theatrics, but the paso was the focus of the performance—not the excessive stuff around it. Riker channeled Captain Jack Sparrow beautifully. I agree with Julieanne. This was artistry! YouTube it.
Score: 38

Rumer and Val
Samba
“Pour Unfortunate Soul” from The Little Mermaid
Dancing with the StarsAn ABC producer/executive woman asks Rumer which princess she wants to be? Rumer smiles and asks if she can be a villain. She chooses Ursela. Brilliant. Then she and Val practiced how to dance underwater. This meant Val had to get wet. Equally brilliant. The performance was mediocre in my opinion. It wasn’t a conventional samba song, which threw me for a loop. Val was all green, so I’m guessing he was an eel? And then Rumer started mouthing the words and I scolded her for drinking after Derek, because now she’s contracted his lip syncing syndrome. How their score was above Riker and Allison is a mystery.
Score: 39

Nastia and Derek
Jazz
“Love Is An Open Door” from Frozen
This routine really fit their personalities. I would have loved it had they not lip synched some parts the routine. Either do or don’t. It’s confusing when you do both. I enjoyed their choreography, which was pulled mostly from that scene in the movie. It was as if Frozen came alive! I found myself thinking how cool it would be to meet Anna in real life. Then I realized that I had been sucked into Disney’s subliminal advertising. Let’s go meet the Frozen characters at Disney World this summer! Who’s with me?
Score: 38

In the end, Suzanne, Patti (shocker!) and The Famer (not so shocking) were in the red light of doom. But it was Suzanne who didn’t secure the votes. Now it’s time to say goodbye to all your company, Suzanne. I’m almost glad that it was her, because she wasn’t into the competition anymore.

And The Farmer lives to see another day!

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