iHateGreenBeans | Blog of Lincee Ray http://www.ihategreenbeans.com Fri, 27 Feb 2015 18:48:19 +0000 en-US hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=4.1.1 Slink’s Links http://www.ihategreenbeans.com/slinks-links-29/ http://www.ihategreenbeans.com/slinks-links-29/#comments Fri, 27 Feb 2015 18:48:19 +0000 http://www.ihategreenbeans.com/?p=6894 iHateGreenBeans | Blog of Lincee Ray
iHateGreenBeans | Blog of Lincee Ray -

It’s almost the freakin’ weekend! REJOICE! It’s been a looooong, cold week for most of us. I’ve done my best to provide links that will help you through the last hours of your Friday afternoon. Have a great day and STAY WARM! My beloved Wade Kinsella celebrated a birthday this week. HERE is a list […]

The post Slink’s Links appeared first on iHateGreenBeans | Blog of Lincee Ray.

]]>
iHateGreenBeans | Blog of Lincee Ray
iHateGreenBeans | Blog of Lincee Ray -

Lincee Ray | I Hate Green BeansIt’s almost the freakin’ weekend! REJOICE! It’s been a looooong, cold week for most of us. I’ve done my best to provide links that will help you through the last hours of your Friday afternoon. Have a great day and STAY WARM!

My beloved Wade Kinsella celebrated a birthday this week. HERE is a list of reasons why I love him so.

This news is truly outrageous.

My friend Caroline sent me this link yesterday, and my day got a little brighter. My mouth started to water too.

I love this list of drugstore items used by beauty editors!

If you are in the mood for some light reading, feel free to see what I’ve been up to this week:

Mama helped me recap The Bachelor.
Schmidt made me laugh on New Girl.
Sheldon made me laugh on The Big Bang Theory.
Wade was not shirtless on Hart of Dixie.
There was a wedding on Glee.

I also wrote my friend Lindsay’s love story for her wedding website. It was such an honor and I’m thankful that she is in my life. You should be thankful too because she’s contributed countless hours to IHGB. Congrats LC! I can’t wait to dance at your reception! That is, unless you play “Single Ladies.” If that happens, I will burn the tent down and make it look like an accident. Love you!

Happy weekend everyone!

The post Slink’s Links appeared first on iHateGreenBeans | Blog of Lincee Ray.

]]>
http://www.ihategreenbeans.com/slinks-links-29/feed/ 1
Happy Birthday Jamie http://www.ihategreenbeans.com/happy-birthday-jamie/ http://www.ihategreenbeans.com/happy-birthday-jamie/#comments Thu, 26 Feb 2015 22:32:01 +0000 http://www.ihategreenbeans.com/?p=6885 iHateGreenBeans | Blog of Lincee Ray
iHateGreenBeans | Blog of Lincee Ray -

My sister just turned another year older, and as I sit here flipping through old photos, I can’t help but remember: She has better hair than me, and was never mistaken for as a little boy growing up. When I had my senior pictures taken, the photographer asked us to wrap black velvet around our […]

The post Happy Birthday Jamie appeared first on iHateGreenBeans | Blog of Lincee Ray.

]]>
iHateGreenBeans | Blog of Lincee Ray
iHateGreenBeans | Blog of Lincee Ray -

Jamie

My sister just turned another year older, and as I sit here flipping through old photos, I can’t help but remember:

She has better hair than me, and was never mistaken for as a little boy growing up.
Jam and Lincee

When I had my senior pictures taken, the photographer asked us to wrap black velvet around our middle region and do a sister pose. As pervy as that may seem, we did it.  To this day, this is moment is hanging in my parents’ bedroom.
Fancy Jam and Lincee

Pencil sketch Jamie is even flawless! Pencil sketch Lincee’s nose is a touch off center.
Drawn Jam and Lincee

She played with me on the orange, shag carpet. This was probably moments before she “timed” me to go get her a drink from the kitchen.
Jamie

Since I was a little girl, I have always looked up to her. She is beautiful, talented and smart. Above all else, she taught me to be my own person. She is my strongest advocate. I can’t help but think how lucky I am to have her in my life.

I love you Jamie!

The post Happy Birthday Jamie appeared first on iHateGreenBeans | Blog of Lincee Ray.

]]>
http://www.ihategreenbeans.com/happy-birthday-jamie/feed/ 9
‘The Bachelor’ recap: Bali-hai, Bali-bye http://www.ihategreenbeans.com/the-bachelor-recap-bali-hai-bali-bye/ http://www.ihategreenbeans.com/the-bachelor-recap-bali-hai-bali-bye/#comments Tue, 24 Feb 2015 17:09:56 +0000 http://www.ihategreenbeans.com/?p=6878 iHateGreenBeans | Blog of Lincee Ray
iHateGreenBeans | Blog of Lincee Ray -

Farmer: Bali is the perfect place to fall in love. Lincee: Do you think that is true? My Mother: No. -Pause- Mama: Wait! That’s the setting of South Pacific! Mama begins singing “Bali Hai.” I secretly film her. Don’t tell. Mama: Yes. They can fall in love there. There you have it folks. Linea Ray […]

The post ‘The Bachelor’ recap: Bali-hai, Bali-bye appeared first on iHateGreenBeans | Blog of Lincee Ray.

]]>
iHateGreenBeans | Blog of Lincee Ray
iHateGreenBeans | Blog of Lincee Ray -

Bachelor Farmer

Farmer: Bali is the perfect place to fall in love.
Lincee: Do you think that is true?
My Mother: No.

-Pause-

Mama: Wait! That’s the setting of South Pacific!

Mama begins singing “Bali Hai.” I secretly film her. Don’t tell.

Mama: Yes. They can fall in love there.

There you have it folks. Linea Ray has officially given her permission for The Farmer to fall in love in Bali. She would prefer he do this with Becca because “Whitney will never make it on the farm.” She also thinks Our Host Chris Harrison has a good butt.

Welcome to the family Bachelor recap everyone!

KAITLYN
I’m so proud to report that “denim panties” are sweeping the nation, and are well on their way to global domination. Thank you, dear readers, for not only noticing Kaitlyn’s pink pair, but kudos for using social media to get the word out. It will be trending in no time.

Kaitlyn executes the Jillian Jump and Straddle (trademark pending) right in front of a sacred temple. The Farmer hands her a few sarongs to wrap around her bare arms and legs. (Might I suggest a wardrobe recommendation next time?) Kaitlyn notices a few women carrying wares on their head. She claims that she’s always wanted to try that, so she convinces these women using VERY LOUD broken English, to hand over their goods. They oblige.

The same thing happened to me in Rwanda when I convinced a lady to let me wear her baby on my back. I used an intricate series of hand gestures to get my point across. The first lady looked at me like I was crazy and walked off. The second smiled and waved, but kept moving. The third time was a charm.

Baby

The Farmer and Kaitlyn hit the town, walking hand-in-hand as he introduced her as “my girlfriend” to all the village people. A man with a banana cart (no, it was not the construction worker) hands The Farmer a few bananas. Almost immediately, he is attacked by a band of monkeys. These were distant relatives of Marcel, but less cool. Kaitlyn was freaked.

This entire exchange leads us to the craziest analogy in the history of The Bachelor. Kaitlyn compares herself to the monkeys because “they know what they want, and they just go get it.” She admits that she used to have a wall up, but now it’s more of a scrim, and she’s ready to take that down too. She spills her emotional guts to The Farmer, telling him that she is her best self when she’s vulnerable. He responds by sweating profusely. There is a very long pause. Instead of filling the silence with words or conversation, he makes out with her. Kaitlyn and The Farmer have a lovely dinner and the forgo card magically appears.

Two things:

1. Magical is this episode’s “amazing.”
2. Mama and I had a heated debate over how to spell the word “forgo.” I Googled it and had the answer in 3.7 seconds. Mama fetched an actual dictionary and was highly disappointed that the word didn’t appear in its contents. I told her it’s because The Bachelor wasn’t around in 1978 when her reference book was published.

Kaitlyn chooses to forgo her individual room so she can drown in a bathtub full of rose petals.

Kaitlyn: After everything we’ve been through, we deserve this.
Lincee: That rap was pretty rough.

Then all rules are broken, because, THERE ARE NO RULES. Kaitlyn tells The Farmer she is completely falling in love with him and he tells her he is falling in love with her as well. The cameras follow them right into the bedroom. They are contractually obligated to let them film the foreplay.

WHITNEY
The Farmer greets Whitney on the dock beside a boat, and her Jump and Straddle (trademark pending) is so fierce, it nearly knocks him down. They both are anxious to spend the day together crossing the Indian Ocean. After a ton of awkward silence, in which my mother wisely pointed out that “he only likes her enough to wrap one arm around her,” Whitney brings up her love/irritate relationship with her sister. Whitney’s hope is that her sister’s unwillingness to give her blessing will not hinder their relationship.

Farmer: I respect her opinion. She cares about you. It doesn’t change anything.

Whitney is super stoked that her judgey sister didn’t change her relationship with The Farmer and they will be married in a matter of months!

Spoiler: He did not say that. She was using the “Whitney Interpretation” filter when she received the information.

Using a normal, we’ve heard it a thousand times analogy, The Farmer suggests they “take the plunge.” Whitney peels off her clothes and jumps into the water with her fiance (proposal pending.) A few moments later, they sprawl out on the deck. And by sprawl, I literally mean sprawl. Thank you to my Facebook friend Bella for capturing this beautiful moment.

The Bachelor Farmer

Lincee: My kingdom for a black modesty box. PLEASE!
Mama: Her voice is a little annoying, but he can’t say anything because of his irritating laugh. They would have to cancel each other out.
Lincee: On a pro/con list?
Mama: Yes.
Lincee: Indubitably.

That night, she arrives at the forgo card date wearing a chartreuse dress. This is the same exact yellow/green color that notoriously remains unused in the Crayola box. Why anyone would want to resemble algae is confusing. Mama reminds me to “watch his left arm” and its lack of affection. The Farmer is stoic. It’s time to discuss scary issues. Instead of having an adult conversation with Whitney, The Farmer hems and haws, hinting that he has no clue if Whitney is willing to give up the fertility clinic in lieu of a counter service job at the Dairy Queen.

The Farmer: Arlington has 500 people. There’s nothing to do. So you’re going to have to drive. I typically hang out at home, mostly by myself.

Whitney stares at him with that stern squint she gets when she’s about to go into defensive mode. She and I both wait for a question, which NEVER comes.

After enough silence passes, Whitney launches in to her prepared speech about how her career is not what makes her happy. What would really make her happy is a bobby pin for that wayward piece of hair that keeps flopping in her face during her very important monolog. Another thing that would make her happy is making babies. She wants to be a mom and a wife and what better place to do that than in the Iowa corn fields?

The Farmer whips out the forgo card. Mama and I are horrified at first, thinking that this is the exact same fantasy suite as Kaitlyn. It turns out, the ABC Intern managed to secure a second suite. He was too tired to pluck a hundred roses petals, so he filled their bathtub with good old fashioned bubbles. We will know in a few months if Whitney and The Farmer used this night to start their family.

BECCA
Even though Becca chooses not to Jump and Straddle (patent pending), she did choose an interesting outfit for her Bali date. Some say it is a garbage bag romper. Others say it’s wind/Soffe/parachute shorts we all wore at cheerleader or dance camp.

Lincee: I had some of those in red and turquoise.
Mama: They are probably still in the attic if you want to dig them out.
Lincee: I’m good Mama. Thanks.

Becca and The Farmer stroll through another village in Bali. All he can think about is his pending three-for-three status. All she can think about is that she’s a virgin. Both wish they were in a cooler climate.

The Farmer takes her to another temple, where they meet the village psychic. We learn that they are a good couple, they will be good parents, she’s hard to control and the best thing they can do to secure a successful date is make love. The Farmer giggles like a pre-pubescent boy. Becca blushes like a pre-pubescent girl.

That night, they talk about life in Arlington, and what that would look like for Becca. She tells him that she would have to be sure he was the one before she moved there. She explained that she thinks that since she’s never felt what she’s feeling, it must mean that these are feelings of love. He tells her he’s falling in love with her too (NO RULES) and that he can see himself spending the rest of his life with her. (WHAT?!)

The Farmer presents her the card. She accepts, tours the room, and then drops the V-bomb. Naturally, The Farmer responds with a heavy sigh, and tries really hard not to laugh. He tells her that there’s not an easy way to respond, but that he respects her, he guesses. Becca thinks that this is a sweet response. She is so excited he is willing to wait until marriage.

Spoiler: He did not say that.

OUR HOST CHRIS HARRISON
The Farmer reflects as plinky piano music plays in the background. He worries about making a mistake. My mother reminds him that THERE ARE NO RULES and he can take them all to the next round if he wants to. I commend the ABC Intern for being on point this episode. Not only did he arrange rocks to read, “I Love U” on the beach, but he even placed perfectly angled straws in The Farmer and Our Host’s glasses of tea.

Harrison clocks in about five minutes of mentor time, slapping The Farmer on the back for having a hard decision to make. He looked fabulous in his ice blue shirt and grey pants. I’m sure he smelled of sea spray, Indonesian rupiah and adventure.

ROSE CEREMONY
Harrison meets The Farmer in front of a third temple, explaining that holding hands inside is okay, but nothing else. Both are dressed in white karate outfits with whimsical cummerbunds. The Farmer walks through the designated zigzag pathways before cutting the butter through a mum display. The ladies are dressed in pretty Indonesian outfits with an array of hair knots. Whitney’s is prim and proper. Becca’s resembles a rat’s nest. And Kaitlyn’s is sleek. None of them were prepared for this moment, as evidenced by their footwear.

The Farmer takes several big breaths. Twenty minutes later, he asks if Becca will join him outside of the temple. This did not surprise me, because when The Farmer doesn’t know what to say, he makes out with the girl. This is forbidden in the sacred temple, so obviously he wants to talk to her outside its walls. Ironically, it’s Becca who does all the talking. She practically begs him to keep her around.

Meanwhile, Whitney and Kaitlyn wonder if they can drink celebratory champagne in the temple? They are surprised when the bachelor comes back with Becca in tow. Whitney has never worked so hard to cover up her annoyance. Clearly Becca is a child with zero life experiences.

The Farmer wastes no time handing out roses to Whitney and Becca. Kaitlyn barely acknowledges them before walking over to the dude who didn’t take Becca’s flower. STRUGGLE BUS, TICKET FOR ONE PLEASE.

In the longest exit known to man, The Farmer and Kaitlyn weave in and out of the temple paths. He pulls her in for a hug, and we hear his disturbingly fast heartbeat. Kaitlyn looks in every direction but his eyes, willing herself not to cry. He comforts her by using phrases like, “I don’t understand,” (ROOSTER CROW) and “this was hard,” (ROOSTER CROW) and “sometimes things don’t make sense” (ROOSTER CROW). Wow. A literal cock block.

Kaitlyn holds it together for the most part, only looking into his eyes once. For the first time this season, The Farmer refuses to shut up. “JUST LET HER GET IN THE REJECTION SUV,” I yelled at the TV.

Kaitlyn: That was the most humiliating moment of my life.
Lincee: Join the club sweetie. Here’s an application for you to fill out for Bachelor Paradise.

Do you think he made a mistake? Do nice girls finish first? Will he choose Whitney or Becca? Sound off in the comment section, and make sure to let me know your favorite lines! Bali-hai!

All about the shame, not the fame,
Lincee

The post ‘The Bachelor’ recap: Bali-hai, Bali-bye appeared first on iHateGreenBeans | Blog of Lincee Ray.

]]>
http://www.ihategreenbeans.com/the-bachelor-recap-bali-hai-bali-bye/feed/ 260
Snow day http://www.ihategreenbeans.com/snow-day/ http://www.ihategreenbeans.com/snow-day/#comments Tue, 24 Feb 2015 00:51:15 +0000 http://www.ihategreenbeans.com/?p=6875 iHateGreenBeans | Blog of Lincee Ray
iHateGreenBeans | Blog of Lincee Ray -

Snow days are rare in Texas, so when one comes around, we shut the schools and businesses. This is completely due to the fact that none of us know how to drive in flurries. I’m in Hallsville, celebrating my sister’s birthday today. And since we are officially snowed in, I thought it would be helpful […]

The post Snow day appeared first on iHateGreenBeans | Blog of Lincee Ray.

]]>
iHateGreenBeans | Blog of Lincee Ray
iHateGreenBeans | Blog of Lincee Ray -

House1

Snow days are rare in Texas, so when one comes around, we shut the schools and businesses. This is completely due to the fact that none of us know how to drive in flurries.

I’m in Hallsville, celebrating my sister’s birthday today. And since we are officially snowed in, I thought it would be helpful for those of you dealing with real snow in the north, for me to share lessons I’ve learned navigating the 30-degree weather.

1. Make sure to get your sister’s birthday present out of the trunk of your car before it freezes shut.

2. Geese love cold weather. Texas dogs make you walk out on “the weird white stuff” so they know it’s safe to go pee.

3. Active men who are used to burning and mowing things, will go stir crazy by mid-day. The term “cabin fever” is definitely a real thing.

4. It makes more sense to scoop up the sleet from the sidewalk and make sno cones, instead of trying to build a snow man.

5. If you believe, wet wood will burn.

6. Don’t worry about snow clothes. Linea Ray has anything you may need in that bureau you never open, including leg warmers. You’ll look like you walked out of a JC Penney catalog in 1984, but you’ll be toasty.

7. If you choose not to go full ’80s, simply put on your father’s coat. It’s okay to stay in your pajama bottoms because you’re snowed in and no one will ever see you.

8. Unless, of course, your brother-in-law videos you hurling down a hill on a swimming pool float.

The post Snow day appeared first on iHateGreenBeans | Blog of Lincee Ray.

]]>
http://www.ihategreenbeans.com/snow-day/feed/ 9
Slink’s Links http://www.ihategreenbeans.com/slinks-links-28/ http://www.ihategreenbeans.com/slinks-links-28/#comments Fri, 20 Feb 2015 15:53:44 +0000 http://www.ihategreenbeans.com/?p=6870 iHateGreenBeans | Blog of Lincee Ray
iHateGreenBeans | Blog of Lincee Ray -

This has been a FULL week and it’s going to continue into the weekend. I’ve been so busy, that I just now had time to sit down and give the Saturday Night Live 40 Year Special its proper dues. Since I was so thoroughly entertained, I decided to dedicate this week’s links to my favorite […]

The post Slink’s Links appeared first on iHateGreenBeans | Blog of Lincee Ray.

]]>
iHateGreenBeans | Blog of Lincee Ray
iHateGreenBeans | Blog of Lincee Ray -

Lincee Ray | I Hate Green Beans

This has been a FULL week and it’s going to continue into the weekend. I’ve been so busy, that I just now had time to sit down and give the Saturday Night Live 40 Year Special its proper dues. Since I was so thoroughly entertained, I decided to dedicate this week’s links to my favorite parts of the show. Enjoy!

Jimmy Fallon and Justin Timberlake have no problem memorizing sketches. The end.

I adore Steve Martin, and was thrilled to see him in the opening monologue. Let’s play “Count the Celebrities!”

Celebrity Jeopardy has always been one of my favorite skits. Each and every time!

And Andy Samberg and Adam Sandler digital short? Yes please!

I should also note that Tina Fey and Amy Poehler were at the Weekend Update desk with Stefon, Betty White made out with Bradley Cooper, Maya Rudolph channeled Beyonce and Martin Short got caught up in her “traveling wind,” Wayne and Garth dropped by with a Top 10 and Jerry Seinfeld conducted a Q&A session with all the celebrities who were in the audience.

But in the end, Jimmy Fallon’s charm and humble attitude won me over. HERE he is talking about the after party and his epic night. Love him!

Have a wonderful weekend everyone! Stay warm out there for those of you in the north!

The post Slink’s Links appeared first on iHateGreenBeans | Blog of Lincee Ray.

]]>
http://www.ihategreenbeans.com/slinks-links-28/feed/ 2
My thoughts on the ‘Best Picture’ nominees http://www.ihategreenbeans.com/best-picture-nominees-oscars/ http://www.ihategreenbeans.com/best-picture-nominees-oscars/#comments Thu, 19 Feb 2015 17:17:23 +0000 http://www.ihategreenbeans.com/?p=6861 iHateGreenBeans | Blog of Lincee Ray
iHateGreenBeans | Blog of Lincee Ray -

I have a few thoughts on the “Best Picture” nominees for the Oscars this weekend. 1. I haven’t seen any of the movies nominated. Okay, so maybe I have a single thought on the “Best Picture” nominees for the Oscars this weekend. Therefore, I need your help. If you had to choose ONE movie to […]

The post My thoughts on the ‘Best Picture’ nominees appeared first on iHateGreenBeans | Blog of Lincee Ray.

]]>
iHateGreenBeans | Blog of Lincee Ray
iHateGreenBeans | Blog of Lincee Ray -

Ocars 2015

I have a few thoughts on the “Best Picture” nominees for the Oscars this weekend.

1. I haven’t seen any of the movies nominated.

Okay, so maybe I have a single thought on the “Best Picture” nominees for the Oscars this weekend. Therefore, I need your help. If you had to choose ONE movie to see this weekend before the awards show, what would you recommend, knowing my personality? Here are your choices:

American Sniper
What I know:
It has my beloved Bradley Cooper cast as the main character in a tragic story. I am familiar with the life of Chris Kyle. I will not leave the theater happier than when I went in.

Birdman
What I know:
Michael Keaton is one of the coolest people in my imagination. I’ve signed no less than 34 petitions for him to make Beetlejuice 2, and he was by far my favorite Batman. (No offense Christian Bale. I still love you too, but in a Jack Kelly/Laurie kind of way.) Birdman also features my best friend forever Emma Stone.

Boyhood
What I know:
It was filmed over 13 years, which is SO COOL, but I also heard that it’s as if you are sitting in the theater for 13 hours. It’s looooooong.

The Grand Budapest Hotel
What I know:
Quirky Wes Anderson wrote it, which means there will be tons of jokes that I probably won’t get.

The Imitation Game
What I know:
BENEDICT CUMBERBATCH! Smart people!

Selma
What I know:
It’s about Martin Luther King’s life during the freedom march in the ’60s. Oprah is somehow involved, with Common and John Legend. NPR told me that the cinematography is out of this world.

The Theory of Everything
What I know:
This is the story of Stephen Hawking and the actor playing him (Eddie Redmayne) is sweeping the award circuit.

Whiplash
What I know:
I know nothing about this film.

Let’s put it to a vote!

Note: There is a poll embedded within this post, please visit the site to participate in this post's poll.

The post My thoughts on the ‘Best Picture’ nominees appeared first on iHateGreenBeans | Blog of Lincee Ray.

]]>
http://www.ihategreenbeans.com/best-picture-nominees-oscars/feed/ 31
‘The Bachelor’ recap: A nude awakening http://www.ihategreenbeans.com/the-bachelor-recap-a-nude-awakening/ http://www.ihategreenbeans.com/the-bachelor-recap-a-nude-awakening/#comments Tue, 17 Feb 2015 16:58:36 +0000 http://www.ihategreenbeans.com/?p=6854 iHateGreenBeans | Blog of Lincee Ray
iHateGreenBeans | Blog of Lincee Ray -

I’m going to kick this Bachelor recap off with a very bold statement—I have been thoroughly entertained this entire season. Truly! Yes, The Farmer may be a nice, good old boy who doesn’t necessarily excel in front of the camera, but what he lacks in pizzaz, his potential wives make up for in drama. Couple […]

The post ‘The Bachelor’ recap: A nude awakening appeared first on iHateGreenBeans | Blog of Lincee Ray.

]]>
iHateGreenBeans | Blog of Lincee Ray
iHateGreenBeans | Blog of Lincee Ray -

The Bacheor Farmer

I’m going to kick this Bachelor recap off with a very bold statement—I have been thoroughly entertained this entire season. Truly! Yes, The Farmer may be a nice, good old boy who doesn’t necessarily excel in front of the camera, but what he lacks in pizzaz, his potential wives make up for in drama. Couple that with Fleiss’ propensity to shake up the typical episode flow we’ve all but memorized after 19 seasons of “reality,” and I end up clenching my butt and literally yelling at the television on multiple occasions.

Say what you want, people. That’s just good TV right there. And last night was no exception.

SIMPLE DISCLAIMER
The following information you are about to read is of personal opinion. However, if you or someone you liked on Instagram happen to personally know, sort of know, is friends with the twerking instructor who is obsessed with the fictional life of Jamie and Claire Fraser like me and looks exactly like one of the contestants on the show…none of this is personal and I’m sure they are all lovely people.

One-On-One
Becca
Bachelor FarmerDue to Becca’s dark horse status, you probably forgot that we didn’t see her one-on-one date on Sunday night. I appreciate the producers decision to bump Becca’s date to hour four in lieu of a full, 20-minute helping of Britt’s meltdown. Sadly, Becca’s date didn’t produce any information we didn’t already know, so I will beta cap that business for the sake of time.

Santa Fe turquoise jewelry wearing, “I live in a tiny town” discussing, “Sorry we haven’t been to fancy places” apologizing, Becca moves slowly confessing, vulnerable side showing, The Farmer thigh grabbing, family time anticipating, roof climbing, sunset watching, silhouette kissing.

Pre Cocktail Party
Jade and Whitney huddle around Carly and Kaitlyn so Carly can perform the One Act Play she’s written, detailing each of Britt’s eye rolls, hair tosses, pursed lips, and inappropriate “I’m number one” memes from the night before. Britt bounces into the room, flops down on the couch and announces that she has packed her stuff and is leaving before the rose ceremony. She doesn’t feel like introducing her dad to a man who handed the rose to the girl sitting next to her, nohardfeelingsloveyouKaitlyn.

Carly untucks her shirt from her bra (makeshift crop top), stares at Britt’s hot pink lips, and flat out tells her that she doesn’t believe she’s leaving. I may have stood up and saluted her. Jade begins to try and talk Britt out of her decision. It’s all Carly can do not to coldcock Jade with her “Diary of a Meltdown” script. Britt waivers back and forth, claiming that there’s “probably” nothing he could say to make her change her mind. Everyone knows winners have only two rules in life: 1. Never give out all the information.

Britt hops up off the couch and skips into the next room to reapply. Kaitlyn is the one who hits the nail on the head: Britt wants The Farmer to fight for her to stay. And if he doesn’t, she’s going to conveniently leave him first.

Cocktail Party
Carly’s electric blue dress was special. It’s rare when the bottom end of your plunging neckline almost reaches the peak of the split in your hemline. It was a feat of engineering that should be applauded for staying on. I’m confident someone saw her panties. There’s just no way around that one. Moving on.

The ladies line up along the edge of the carpet. The Farmer walks in and begins to recite a beautiful speech about finding love, and right reasons, and amazing journeys through the square states. You can tell he’s a little miffed when Britt interrupts the first time he’s actually sounded eloquent on this show. All she needs is two seconds.

She pulls him into the next room and apologizes for being overcome with emotion. Smart move. Then she gives him permission to speak. Bold move. The Farmer tells her that there were other girls in the house who questioned her honesty. Honest move. Britt begins to backpedal before demanding to know if it was Carly who started the rumor? Catty move. As The Farmer tries to explain, Britt constantly interrupts him. ANNOYING MOVE. The exchange ends with The Farmer’s voice rising, assuring Britt that her behavior is not a character trait he wants in a wife. Then he offers to walk her out.

Britt really turns on the waterworks, since she has some time to spare in front of the camera before they shove her in the rejection limo. Obviously, this footage will be ideal both for her actress reel and her audition tape to be the next bachelorette. She will inevitably play the “I was sabotaged” card on Women Tell All. She and Kelsey will start a club.

After all that, The Farmer sends Carly home. If anyone has a chance of dethroning Britt as the reigning top bachelorette candidate, it’s this chick.

Home Town Date #1
Becca

Once again, most of Becca’s date ended on the editing room floor. Fortunately, her modern-day take on Red Riding Hood’s cape made for an interesting wardrobe choice. Not only were the shoulders missing from this blouse, but so was her bra. That’s how they roll in the Louisiana swamp.

Becca

Becca’s family seemed nice enough at first, until each and every single one commented that Becca had never brought a boy home, nor had she ever touched one in her life. Instead of encouraging The Farmer that he looked like he made their loved one happy, they all agreed that this was weird. Becca’s sister has no idea how Becca will handle being a virgin in the fantasy suite. Becca simply tells her she plans on remaining a virgin after the fantasy suite. This blows her sister’s mind.

Meanwhile, Becca’s mom has no idea how to handle boyfriends, since there has never been one to visit, so she goes the tried and true route: she threatens to cut him if he breaks her baby’s heart.

Geez. Be cool, Becca’s family.

The Farmer takes Becca to the Louisiana State Farm to makeout on the Ferris wheel. We don’t know if they were able to score a fried Twinkie. Regardless, Becca says that she will look back on this day and know that what she’s currently feeling can only be described as love.

Home Town Date #2
Whitney

Whitney, wearing a navy coat with a popped collar, greets our bachelor near her work. Instead of showing him Chicago, she wants to make a baby! *WINK*

The Farmer totally forgot that she’s a fertility nurse, but soon finds his way back into the conversation and joins her in a pair of scrubs to watch an egg be implanted by a sperm. Ta-da! Now you try it!

Wait, what?

Whitney and her random fertility nurse friend escort The Farmer into a little room where Jade’s Playboy lies in the corner. They instruct him to make a donation in a cup so they can test his sperm. The joke goes on just a smidgen too long, and The Farmer and I find ourselves on the verge of waiting at the struggle bus stop. Whitney finally admits she’s kidding and then kisses him in the donation room. Gross.

Time to meet the family!

The Farmer stops Whitney shy of entering the house. Since her mom has died, he wants to know who should be the family member to give their marriage blessing? Whitney doesn’t realize that this is protocol for all four dates, and assumes that a ring will be on her finger within a matter of days. She blurts out, “MY SISTER” and then begins picking china patterns in her head.

After dinner, Whitney warns her sister that The Farmer is going to ask her permission to marry Whitney, and she needs to know that this is real, and she wants this man to be her husband. The sister reminds Whitney that this dude lives in a tiny town in Iowa. Has she really thought this through? It’s been five seconds.

Whitney: At the end of this process, there is a proposal.
Sister: There doesn’t have to be.
Whitney: I WANT THERE TO BE ONE. What you say when you talk to him…
Sister: Don’t put that on me. I don’t think that it’s fair when there are three other women.

This may be the most logical conversation we’ve ever witnessed in the history of this show.

The Farmer sits with the sister and asks for her blessing. The sister basically says that she can’t give it to him when three other girls are in the mix, but if he decides that Whitney is the one, he should call her. Until then, no blessing.

Whitney is forced to do a bit of damage control. She grabs a bottle from her kitchen and tells The Farmer that this is the super expensive wine she bought once upon a time. She wanted to share it with the man she was going to marry. She pops the cork, pours him a glass, and gives him a hearty cheers.

Yolo and whatever.

Home Town Date #3
Kaitlyn

Kaitlyn’s family may be from Vancouver, eh, but they winter in Phoenix. They also rap in their spare time, so it made perfect sense for Kaitlyn to take The Farmer into a sound studio to lay down some sick beats. When I use the term “sick,” I don’t mean the urban dictionary definition. These beats were non-existent. He couldn’t carry a tune in a wheelbarrow. (Wheelbarrow seemed apropos since he’s a farmer. Does it count when you have to explain the joke?)

Kaitlyn takes him to meet her family, and it’s her mom who is giddy over how light is beaming from her daughter’s eyes. She wants to know how far the love goes, and Kaitlyn is quick to hint that she’s almost in love. The moment clearly called for, “I’m in loke,” but she opted for the millennial version, “I heart him.” She hearts him so much, she bought an electronic billboard to tell him so. The Farmer is so happy, he channels Patrick Swayze and totally pulls a Dirty Dancing move on Kaitlyn. Of course she weighs 80-pounds, but he’s definitely thrown a few hay bales around to be able to lift her up like that. He’s having the time of his life!

Kaitlyn

Home Town Date #4
Jade

Jade walks through her tiny Nebraska town, pointing out all the ways it’s better than Arlington. “There’s a car. And a person. That door opens. And this place has food.” They make their way to her childhood home to meet the family. The tension is palpable through my TV screen. Through cryptic messaging, both Jade’s father and brother hint that there’s more rebel to Jade that meets the eye. The brother goes one step further to remind The Farmer that Jade left this tiny town a long time ago for the big city. He’s not sure this “wild mustang” wants to be led back to the farm.

They leave Jade’s family and head to a hotel so Jade can tell him her deep dark Playboy secret. Twenty minutes after hinting to The Farmer that she has to tell him about a “liberating” time she spent when she first got to LA, Jade finally admits that she posed nude. She also offers to pull up the photos so he can see for himself.

I found the fact that she offered to show him her nude photos odd and sad. I also found that The Farmer agreed to look at her nude photos was odd and sad. Oh great. There’s a video.

He told her that he didn’t think differently about her now that he knew, and she shouldn’t feel bad because she’s a beautiful woman. He tells the camera that it’s hard to find a soul mate and that he comes from a very conservative community. If Arlington has a problem with his woman posing nude, they can get over it. If Arlington has a problem with him forgoing his single room for a fantasy suite on national TV, they can get over that too.

As it turns out, The Farmer won’t have to worry about what the old man who opens up his building for morning coffee says about his future wife. To my SURPRISE, he picks Whitney, Kaitlyn, and Becca over Jade. Let it be known that she is an amazing person, and it had nothing to do with the fact that he’s seen her undercarriage and ta-tas. He just had a bigger connection with the other girls.

Next week, ABC forks over a little cash and sends the cast and crew to their first overseas adventure (not counting that one time they went to New Mexico.) As one would assume, Bali is the perfect place to fall in love.

What did you think of this week’s elimination? Do you think he made a mistake? Will Britt be a candidate for the next bachelorette? Do you think Carly is hilarious? make sure to let me know your favorite lines from Sunday AND Monday!

All about the shame, not the fame,
Lincee

The post ‘The Bachelor’ recap: A nude awakening appeared first on iHateGreenBeans | Blog of Lincee Ray.

]]>
http://www.ihategreenbeans.com/the-bachelor-recap-a-nude-awakening/feed/ 332
‘The Bachelor’ recap: Britt takes a ride on the struggle bus http://www.ihategreenbeans.com/bachelor-recap-britt-takes-ride-struggle-bus/ http://www.ihategreenbeans.com/bachelor-recap-britt-takes-ride-struggle-bus/#comments Mon, 16 Feb 2015 17:27:20 +0000 http://www.ihategreenbeans.com/?p=6843 iHateGreenBeans | Blog of Lincee Ray
iHateGreenBeans | Blog of Lincee Ray -

Watching The Bachelor was hard last night. It was hard because half of me wanted to watch the Saturday Night Live 40 Year Special, while another 45-percent of me wanted to see what the Dowager was up to. Sadly, I gave into the five-percent minority by devoting not one, not two, but three hours to […]

The post ‘The Bachelor’ recap: Britt takes a ride on the struggle bus appeared first on iHateGreenBeans | Blog of Lincee Ray.

]]>
iHateGreenBeans | Blog of Lincee Ray
iHateGreenBeans | Blog of Lincee Ray -

The Bachelor Farmer

Watching The Bachelor was hard last night. It was hard because half of me wanted to watch the Saturday Night Live 40 Year Special, while another 45-percent of me wanted to see what the Dowager was up to. Sadly, I gave into the five-percent minority by devoting not one, not two, but three hours to witnessing Britt manipulate her way through the corn fields of Iowa.

The good news is that Our Host Chris Harrison graced us with his presence for hour one, making those particular 60 minutes a delightful blend of a ruggedly handsome interviewee sparing with one self-proclaimed Mensa candidate, dissecting the broken relationship of one emotional basket case, and livening up the dull conversation of one farmer.

Our Host is a pro. This is why they pay him the big bucks.

Kelsy
Harrison wastes no time diving straight into the deep end of Kelsey’s patronizing pool of narcissism by announcing that she was one of the most controversial women in the house. Kelsey smiles graciously and begins to tap dance around reality, hoping that her informer will get caught up in the razzle dazzle of girlish giggles, raised eyebrows, and fancy vocabulary.

OHCH: They said you were condescending, faked a panic attack, and claimed you were smarter than anyone in the house. What do you have to say for yourself?
Kesley: I think a flippant comment was misconstrued, and I would hope to ameliorate the situation. You see Chris, Ameliorate means…
OHCH: I know what it means. I use “word of the day” toilet paper too.

NOTE: For those of you who are not currently studying for the SATs, the definition of ameliorate is, “to make something bad or unsatisfactory, better.”

Harrison turns the screw a little tighter, asking Kelsey if she faked the panic attack? Kelsey explains that it was a tumultuous day, and she felt flooded with emotions. Losing one’s motor functions will cause one to fall gracefully to the ground in a convenient location. She knew she was having a panic attack because she is a mental professional and deals with this sort of thing all the time. Our Host rolls his eyes, makes a note to check out where Kelsey practices her mental health career, and asks her about Ashley I-Lashes. Kelsey claims she and Ash were super tight. As tight as someone can be when one resides up here and the other is down there.

The Bachelor Farmer

The Farmer
Chris Harrison rags on The Farmer for telling Kelsey that Ashley I-Lashes said she was a super freak. The Farmer admits that he doesn’t know anything about women. Harrison seconds that emotion and salutes this revelation by removing his flask from his boot and taking a celebratory sip of his Jameson

For the next 20 minutes, Harrison ticks through the jilted Who’s Who of The Farmer’s rolodex. Remember Drunk Tara and Sorority Girl Jordan? What about Juelia? Raise your hand if this seasons has been missing something since Jillian and her black modesty boxes left the show? Was it weird having Jimmy Kimmel on a date with Kaitlyn? Was the love guru a real consultant or just a randy hippy from Santa Fe?

OHCH: What America didn’t see was your horseback riding date with Becca. There was an issue with a donkey?
Farmer: Yeah. Sully the donkey. He got suddenly began running, causing our horses to get spooked. I was scared for my life.
OHCH: What a jackass.

This is why ABC needs to let Harrison go unscripted.

Moving on. It wouldn’t be a Who’s Who without Melrose. According to Our Host, Melrose had a completely normal audition tape. Clearly the meds had not yet been mixed with the sauce. Fun fact—she had a tendency to wander the backstage area. She even made up a story that the behind the scenes team was betting on the girls in a trailer by craft services. Harrison never let on that this was indeed his entourage, gathered around his traveling bookie. You know Roberto has Becca going all the way, and Brooks has $3K on Kaitlyn taking the first boat to Paradise Island.

Andi
Y’all, Andi was a hot mess. She had clearly been dumped, and for some unknown reason, decided it was a good idea to go on national television and cry about it! She is riding the struggle bus around and around, with no stopping in sight. To make matters worse, Harrison offered his condolences on her breakup, and then launched into a conversation about her romantic her engagement. To make a long, uncomfortable story short, Andi and Josh had the exact same personality and temperaments. Neither felt supported because both wanted the power. Every orifice from Andi’s face leaked some sort of fluid, and this situation reached a disturbing level when Harrison asked if she is still in love with Josh. Andi was unable to speak due to the snot that collected in the back of her throat.

Our Host wants to know what’s next for Andi? My guess is another Suave shampoo commercial.

HOUR TWO
Suddenly, the scene switches from the provision and protection of Harrison’s haven, to seven girls huddled around a coffee table in Deadwood. The Farmer bumbles into the waiting area and it becomes evident that this is a rose ceremony. I thought that leaving two contestants (one up there and one down there) in the Badlands would be enough carnage for one day, but Mike Fleiss does not have my merciful bandwidth. Britt puckers her fuchsia lips, cocks her head ever so slightly to the left, and asks the bachelor what went down on the dreaded two-on-one date.

This is unprecedented territory. The nervous Farmer mumbles something extremely generic, and Britt praises him for staying true to his heart. Carly shouts that she’s proud of him for getting rid of the narcissist and the princess, and even admitted that the other girls celebrated once they learned of his wise decision. Obviously “words of affirmation” are The Farmer’s love language, because the next thing he does is escort Megan to a rejection SUV. When he returns to the six remaining ladies, he expects to be greeted with waving palm fronds and bunches of grapes for his good decision-making skills. Instead, Whitney is crying and Carly is working to keep her eyes from popping out of the sockets.

The Farmer retreats to his relationship Yoda, baffled by the fact that separating the wheat from the chaff did not earn him any points. He asks permission to try something a little different. Harrison replies, “Do or do not. There is no try.”

The Farmer announces to the women that there will not be a rose ceremony tonight, because THERE ARE NO RULES. Instead, he invites them all to join him in God’s country. I immediately wondered if that would be weird for these girls to be on the same plane traveling to Texas as Kelsey. Can you say, “Awkward!” Plus, is it really safe?

You can imagine my surprise when the girls end up in Iowa instead of the Lone Star State. Welcome to Arlington, ladies! Well—not really. Welcome to Des Moines ladies! The girls get sucked into the “this isn’t so bad” mindset just as Jade scores the first one-on-one date.

She hops into the SUV and after two hours of nothing but rolling fields, Jade begins pointing out inanimate objects that are not corn. Sorry Jade. Your solo game of I Spy isn’t going to ameliorate the ride out to the farm. Oh look! A cow! Jade arrives at The Farmer’s house and a cautiously takes in her surroundings.

Farmer: Land is my passion. I love owning it and working it. Everything the light touches is my kingdom. And it could be yours too.
Jade: Uh huh.

Lion King

Lincee: I spy with my little eye, someone despondent.

That evening, The Farmer takes Jade on a 40-second tour of downtown Arlington. There are no cars, no people, and no way Jade can see herself living in a place where Old McDonald opens up the building he owns downtown to brew a few pots of coffee. She needs a real Central Perk—not a farm version of Gunther.

Jade begins to walk around slowly, trying hard to mask the the depression in her eyes. I agree with my friend Susan who said it looked like she had been dumped into District 12 after the Capitol bombed the place.

Mockingjay

The thought of meeting Gale brightens Jade’s mood, but The Farmer assures her that the citizens of Arlington are not tucked away in an underground bunker. As with any small town on a Friday night, everyone is at the football stadium. The same stadium where The Farmer was a big time star back in the day.

He drags Jade through a throng of people and introduces her to his parents. HIS PARENTS. Just like that, Jade is chatting up Mama and Papa Farmer with zero prep time. Her face turns a little ashen. We assume it’s because of nerves, but later learn that Jade has a secret. She may have done a little nude modeling once or twice for Playboy and the LAST thing she wants is for the family to Google her name before she’s had a chance to tell the bachelor. Figuring that is little to no Internet connection in Arlington, Jade buys herself a little time.

The same guy who brews the coffee in the morning is the principal of the high school. He opens the door for the Farmer so he can take Jade on a tour. They roam the halls and talk about how they were both rebels. The Farmer’s version of rebel is ditching band practice to go play tractor chicken with Old Man Robert’s John Deere. Jade’s version of rebel involves pasties and dusting glitter. Unfortunately, neither went into great detail, so Jade’s Playboy secret is still safe. The nostalgic memories of days of yore cause the Farmer to become all hot and bothered. He grabs Jade’s hand, swings her around, and pulls her into his chest for a passionate kiss. I give him props for trying to be suave, because let’s face it, other than “I own everything you see,” this was as close to game as The Farmer will ever have. Let the record show, it was nowhere near this:

I’ll give you a second to watch it again. Or bookmark it for later. Are we good? Okay, back to The Farmer.

Since he is Arlington royalty, the bachelor is allowed onto the football field at the conclusion of the game. He and Jade bow to social convention by making out on the 50-yard-line. She tells him that she doesn’t want him to feel bad about where he is from. He should be proud. The Farmer is ecstatic that Jade wants to live in Arlington (this is nowhere near what she said) and forces a victorious arm in the air that he got the girl!

Breakfast Club

We do not know if Jade gave him her diamond earring as a souvenir, but can bet a copy of a certain calendar is probably in his future.

Second One-On-One Date
Whitney

Whitney greets The Farmer with the obligatory jump into his arms and wrap her legs around him move. While they talk baby talk to each other, I notice that she has a flannel shirt tied around her waist. Someone please tell me if this fashion statement has returned, because I’m going to have to prepare myself for the lumberjack flashbacks I will inevitably experience as a result. A plaid pearl snap is one thing, but a nod to the Seattle grunge generation of the ‘90s is quite another. I lived it once and I do not wish to live it again. The next thing you’re going to tell me is that overalls are back. Oh wait…

Overalls

The Farmer gives her a camera and tells her that they are going to document their day together. This means that Whitney is going to have a wonderful photo album of every place she and The Farmer kissed in Des Moines. Whit is super excited to spend the day with The Farmer, because this could be her home one day!

Jade would beg to differ. Whitney’s real home would be roughly three hours away. Only the strong survive.

Mockingjay

That night, The Farmer introduces Whitney to his three best friends, and she slays the interview. She has no qualms telling the trio of strangers that she is in this for the right reasons (right reasons) and that when you are in love, it doesn’t matter where you live. She knew what she was getting into, and she feels good about her decision.

The guys leave, and Whitney tells The Farmer that if she is chosen for hometown dates, hers will look a little differently than others. Her dad is not in her life, and her mom passed away 10 years ago from a blood clot on a routine procedure. The one thing that she’s always wanted in this world is to marry a man with an incredible family, because she doesn’t have any. She tells this story with so much grace, that The Farmer and I insist on crying since she is able to hold it together. He rewards her with a piece of artwork on the side of the building, derived from one of the pictures taken earlier in the day. The Kurt Cobain flannel shirt made an appearance, and the fact that it was a take off of Ah-ha’s “Take On Me” video was an interesting aesthetic to tackle. I’ll allow it because my love for ’80s nostalgia has been surpassed in this one episode. Someone in the production department at ABC loves me.

Meanwhile, Britt is looking for her ticket to board the struggle bus. All she can do is complain about the fact that Jade has an extra edge since she got to go to District 12 and see for herself what they are all getting themselves into. Carly makes a bold suggestion that they commandeer a vehicle and drive to the farm. This is a perfectly viable option because, as we know, THERE ARE NO RULES. Road trip!

Three hours later, the girls leave Arlington before realizing that they had actually driven through Arlington in the first place. Kaitlyn explains that a slow lap of the town takes a whopping two minutes. The girls get out to explore downtown. Carly wears her denim romper because it’s the most small town thing she owns. Britt wears a crop top because it’s a day that ends in “y.” They try and break into The Market, the bank, and the Methodist Church before they stumble upon an actual living/breathing Arlington resident—the pastor. Britt asks where they should eat. She is stunned by the response, “Not in Arlington.” And if you want to watch a movie, you’ll be driving at least an hour away. People live in Arlington because it’s nice and quiet, and Jim over there on the porch is a mighty fine treasurer.

Britt begins to question this entire endeavor. Becca dreams about popping out babies. One of these things is not like the other.

When they return to Iowa’s version of civilization, Britt reports to Jade that she could see herself living in Arlington. Carly is surprised to hear this discovery, since Britt all but told her that she couldn’t picture herself living there. Carly copes with her frustration by drawing a picture of Britt’s big purple lips on her hand and making fun of her “I’m number one” attitude.

Jade pulls Carly away to get some advice about her days in bunny ears and puffy tails. Carly unfiltered response of, “He’s not going to be happy about that,” leaves Jade deflated. Jade wants to tell him before someone else does. She’s been down that road with her father and it was not fun. People can be so judgmental.

Carly: Hey mom, don’t Google my wife.

Best line of the entire season. Well done Carly. Well done.

That afternoon, Britt, Carly, and Kaitlyn play hockey while The Farmer constantly falls on the ice. Once his body gives out, he pulls Britt to the side to do what they love to do…make out. She confesses that they road tripped to Arlington and SHE LOVED IT! It’s a wonderful place to build a family. She couldn’t have said anything else to make The Farmer want her more.

Carly has a different approach. She has decided to break Bachelor Rule 101 and tattle on Britt. She tells The Farmer that Britt flat out said she could NOT see herself living in Arlington. Then she begins crying, because all she wants to do is protect The Farmer’s heart. Just like any little sister would do for her non-blood-related brother. Congratulations Carly! You’ve just landed the covet role of Girl He Turns To When He Has Problems With Girls He Wants To Date!

The Farmer is crushed. He asks Britt again what she thought of Arlington. Her charming answer includes the phrases “reinvent myself” and “good thing to try.” Then she drops the “mom” word and her pants catch on fire.

Like any winner, Britt is adapting to what she thinks the judge wants to see. She’s molding herself to be the person The Farmer is looking for, and will stop at nothing to win the competition.

Kaitlyn, on the other hand, is nervous that The Farmer doesn’t remember her name. She feels a step behind the others, and tells him that she really wants him to meet her family. He goes out of his way to prove to her that he feels really good about where they are at in this process. So much so, that he gives her the date rose.

And then it gets really good.

Britt’s winning facade cracks a little. I’m unsure if this was on purpose, or a small blip in her world of manipulation. She interrupts The Farmer’s “this is hard” speech and basically chastises him for giving someone else the rose. Oh, she’s not mad. She’s just confused that her future husband would validate Kaitlyn (love you girl) instead of her.

Britt: Logistically, I get it. But I’m just hurt. I want you to meet my family. I want my husband to really want that too. And you validate another girl? I’m just processing out loud. I’m sorry. I can’t mask how I’m feeling right now. I only have one family and I don’t introduce them to just anyone.

The Bachelor Farmer

The Farmer explains to Britt that his decision is made, and it’s disrespectful to talk about their relationship in front of Carly and Kelsey. Whoa! Look at The Farmer go! Then he leaves them to fight amongst themselves. Annnnnnd there’s The Farmer we all know and love.

As soon as the bachelor leaves, Britt apologizes again for processing in front of them, and Carly counters with the well-timed, “That was you last week! If anyone should have validation, it should be me!”

Britt’s mini tantrum and encore cry fest will look great on her actress reel. Everyone knows that rule #1 is to never be #2.

But will her meltdown backfire? According to Carly, the fact that The Farmer saw Britt’s true colors means more than a date rose. Who will get the chance for their families to meet the man who may potentially take them away to live in a one horse town?

Stay tuned for tonight’s extravaganza!

All about the shame, not the fame,
Lincee

The post ‘The Bachelor’ recap: Britt takes a ride on the struggle bus appeared first on iHateGreenBeans | Blog of Lincee Ray.

]]>
http://www.ihategreenbeans.com/bachelor-recap-britt-takes-ride-struggle-bus/feed/ 107
Slink’s Links http://www.ihategreenbeans.com/slinks-links-27/ http://www.ihategreenbeans.com/slinks-links-27/#comments Fri, 13 Feb 2015 16:04:42 +0000 http://www.ihategreenbeans.com/?p=6840 iHateGreenBeans | Blog of Lincee Ray
iHateGreenBeans | Blog of Lincee Ray -

Fun fact: Did you know that Valentine’s Day is the FOURTH “candiest” holiday celebrated in America? Halloween is first, which makes a ton of sense. October is when I stock up on candy corn and orange colored Oreos. Easter is second, because of the wonder that is the Cadbury Creme Egg and baby blue colored […]

The post Slink’s Links appeared first on iHateGreenBeans | Blog of Lincee Ray.

]]>
iHateGreenBeans | Blog of Lincee Ray
iHateGreenBeans | Blog of Lincee Ray -

Lincee Ray | I Hate Green Beans

Fun fact: Did you know that Valentine’s Day is the FOURTH “candiest” holiday celebrated in America? Halloween is first, which makes a ton of sense. October is when I stock up on candy corn and orange colored Oreos. Easter is second, because of the wonder that is the Cadbury Creme Egg and baby blue colored Oreos. And Christmas lands in third place with its holiday themed M&Ms and red colored Oreos. In my research, I’ve learned that 40 MILLION boxes of chocolates will be sold this week in preparation for the big day. Conversation hearts are the most popular of the regular candies, which I don’t get because I think they taste like Pepto-Bismol.

I’ve collected a few links to help you prepare for the big day! Enjoy!

Confused about what to buy a guy during Valentine’s Day? Here are some fun ideas!

Are you budget conscious this year? Here’s some do-it-yourself ideas from Pinterest.

If you’re going to be watching a movie this weekend, here are 33 romantic comedies that even guys should like!

Does cupid’s lack of arrow slinging gotcha down? Fear not. I found a list of Anti-Valentine’s Day memes that will make your day.

Do you need a list of things to read while you sit on the couch mad at your significant other because they forgot about Valentine’s Day? See below!

New Girl: Valentine’s Day pub crawl!
Hart of Dixie: Warning: Wade is not shirtless…
Big Bang Theory: But SHELTON IS SHIRTLESS!
Glee: Burt Bacharach. Need I say more?

Have a wonderful weekend everyone. Eat a gigantic Hersey’s kiss for me!

The post Slink’s Links appeared first on iHateGreenBeans | Blog of Lincee Ray.

]]>
http://www.ihategreenbeans.com/slinks-links-27/feed/ 3
Bitter old hag http://www.ihategreenbeans.com/bitter-old-hag/ http://www.ihategreenbeans.com/bitter-old-hag/#comments Thu, 12 Feb 2015 16:16:47 +0000 http://www.ihategreenbeans.com/?p=6836 iHateGreenBeans | Blog of Lincee Ray
iHateGreenBeans | Blog of Lincee Ray -

I’m teaching Ruth in women’s Bible study this semester. This fascinating book stars two women who have very different views on life. Ruth is loyal, faithful, and her story is a beautiful picture of Christ’s love for us. Then there’s Naomi, who can only be described as a bitter old hag. Guess which one I […]

The post Bitter old hag appeared first on iHateGreenBeans | Blog of Lincee Ray.

]]>
iHateGreenBeans | Blog of Lincee Ray
iHateGreenBeans | Blog of Lincee Ray -

Ruth

I’m teaching Ruth in women’s Bible study this semester. This fascinating book stars two women who have very different views on life. Ruth is loyal, faithful, and her story is a beautiful picture of Christ’s love for us. Then there’s Naomi, who can only be described as a bitter old hag.

Guess which one I relate to?

There are a few verses in chapter one, where Naomi comes back from a pagan city where she’s been living for a decade. She’s lost her husband, her two sons and has a Moabite woman clinging to her. Family and friends gather around to hear what’s been going on in her life. Naomi basically explodes. She’s reaches the boiling point and lays it all on the ground before her community. She went away full and now she’s empty.

I can see why Naomi was bitter. And I can COMPLETELY relate to how she vents to anyone who would listen. It’s been a rough 10 years for her. What makes me pause, is the fact that her daughter-in-law is basically in the same situation. She lost her husband too, along with his father and brother, and her sister-in-law just turned around to go back home. Ruth left her entire family, her community, her religion and she has chosen to follow the bitter woman to a land where she will undoubtedly be shunned because of her background and circumstances.

And she doesn’t care. “Your people will be my people and your God, my God.” (Ruth 1:16) In a moment, on a dusty road to Bethlehem, Ruth confesses her faith in God, and God alone. She needs nothing else. And even though the odds are not in her favor, she trusts God to get her through.

Her faith was in Christ. Her name is also in Christ’s genealogy.

There are days when I feel like Naomi—it seems that I am running on fumes, and nothing will ever fill my bucket. Some days I wonder why the life I planned for myself, looks nothing like the life I planned for myself. When I feel that bitterness bubbling inside me (which it does more often than not,) I try not to complain about what I don’t have, but instead concentrate on WHAT I DO HAVE.

Like Ruth, sometimes you have to state the basics. God is good and God is faithful. He is more than enough. I am blessed beyond measure with digital friends who have taken a few moments out of their busy lives to come and read the random ramblings that pour out of my head. Although writing completely FILLS MY BUCKET each and every day, it’s the readers who make my cup runneth over. I am humbled each and every time I visit the comment section and my analytics page. Thank you for helping me get through the tough days.

And my Mama thanks you for helping me assuage my bad attitude. She always said that bitterness results in premature wrinkles. No one wants that.

The post Bitter old hag appeared first on iHateGreenBeans | Blog of Lincee Ray.

]]>
http://www.ihategreenbeans.com/bitter-old-hag/feed/ 37