Get your freak on

Can we get a big round of applause for the ABC producers, camera crew, intern and psychotherapist? Well done players. Well done. Last night’s episode had all the makings of a summer blockbuster hit. There was drama, romance, hysterical laughter, a crazy person masquerading as normal, blatant product placement, scorned hearts, unicorns, rainbows, a moment of insanity, artistic interpretation, fibbers, forecasts and celebrity cameos all taking place in picturesque New York City.

What better place to begin our journey around the world?

SIMPLE DISCLAIMER
The following information you are about to read is of personal opinion. However, if you or someone on your Twitter account happens to personally know, sort of know, friends with the nephew/former classmate of, thought you saw in the grocery store buying New Moon on DVD or have a Jazzercize instructor that looks exactly like one of the Bachelors on the show…none of this is personal and I’m sure they are all lovely people.

We begin at the man mansion where Our Host Chris Harrison has gathered the 11 remaining Bachelors for some quality time.

OHCH: “Gather around young bucks. I have a question for you. How far would you travel to fall in love?”

Craig the Informer: “Question. Do we get to choose our method of transportation?”
Jesse: “Do we have to pay for gas or wear a suit?”
Frank: “Will Ali be there?”

OHCH: “It’s a simple question. Why are you guys so annoying? In past seasons, the Bachelors were buddies and played beer pong together. I actually hung out with them because they were in the vicinity of my cool. I’m going to need you guys to grow a pair and man up. Just answer the question.”

PG-Rated Justin: “Can I get a wheelchair for the plane?”
Weatherboy: “According to the National Weather Service, about 50 percent of the nation can expect light to moderate showers with the low front pressure system moving in from the west. I’d say if we are travel by aircraft, we need to board immediately.”

OHCH: “I have a general rule of allowing ABC 20 minutes of my valuable time for these intro packages and you guys are cramping my style. Let me ask you again. Think before you speak. Except you. Dude who still looks like Trista’s Husband. I’m going to need you to remain mute. Because that’s just funny. One more time. How far would you travel to fall in love? Robert-o. Tell us.”

Robert-o: “Hasta los confines de la tierra.”
OHCH: “Brilliant.”
Craig the Informer: “What did he say?”

OHCH: “To the ends of the earth.”
Frank: “You speak Spanish?”

Our Host Chris Harrison doesn’t even dignify that question with a response. He just leaves 11 plane tickets and flip cams on the coffee table, exchanges cell phone numbers with Robert-o and takes off to rejoin Green Day in his limo.

They came straight from the Tony Awards where he hosted the TV Guide Channels pre-show red carpet.

Ali: “Being in LA was great, but relationships are all about wearing yellow berets and experiencing life with perfect strangers that you’ve kissed more than conversed. Traveling is how you get to know someone better. And what better place to get to know someone than New York City?!”

For the next 20 minutes, we are treated to Ali’s session with a personal shopper who works at InStyle magazine. He is bound and determined to make her cute for her many dates in NYC.

Ali: “I’m sort of bored. And I really don’t get why they are documenting this process. Clothes intimidate me. But the guy with the earring is helping me a lot. I just want to wear t-shirts, jeans and flip flops. I heard I’m supposed to go to hair and makeup in a few minutes too. I hope they take these extensions out. They are itching my head.”

Unfortunately for us and Ali, that was not the case. The InStyle guy blows her hair out in fancy curls while asking her what she thinks about her many suitors.

Ali: “There’s this one guy named Kirk. He’s amazing.”
[Cut to flip cam footage of Kirk and his All-American smile.]

“And I’m smitten with Robert-o”
[Cut to Roberto and his budding bromance with Cape Cod Chris.]

“I’m looking forward to having a date with this boy named Craig.”
[Cut Informers footage of him running through the airport. Think Blair Witch Project.]

“And Frank makes me laugh.”
[Cue Frank sticking his finger up Jesse’s nose and giggling into the camera.]

“But Kasey guards my heart.”
[Cue footage of Kasey with his eyes closed muttering something cryptic under his breath.]

Meanwhile, the boys have arrived in the Big Apple at a swanky suite on the 35th floor of some building with a great view. The first date card arrives and Cape Cod Chris announces that Kasey is up to bat.

One-On-One Date One
Kasey
Let’s do what comes naturally.

Before Ali arrives in her tuxedo jacket that the InStyle guy insisted she wear, Kasey gives a lengthy interview with the camera.

Kasey: “Life can not be any better that it is right now. I want one-on-one time with Ali. Why? Because I know the connection is there. My heart will be on fire if she gives me a rose. When. When she gives me a rose. I have vowed to protect her heart and guard her carnal treasure. Everything I’ve ever wanted is right there in front of me. I feel a ton of emotions right now and am having trouble compartmentalizing them.”

And, in yet another moment with Cape Cod Chris continues to endear himself to me, he gives us one of the best quotes of the night:

”I think Kasey closes his eyes and thinks of Ali and thinks of, like, doves flying out behind her, Cupid hitting her with an arrow — you know, like, hearts floating around her head, in a meadow, magically running toward each other with unicorns. I don’t see her as that kind of romanticized love. Not like unicorn love.”

Cape Cod Chris looks at the camera and laughs at himself for using the phrase “unicorn love” and high fives the ABC camera man and intern.

Ali arrives to pick Kasey up for their date. He insists on flip camming the blessed event for future “projects” that shall remain secret for the time being. We find the duo waiting for yet another helicopter ride for our Bachelorette who has a fear of flying. I guess fourth time’s a charm for curing aerophobia because we didn’t hear a peep from Ali as she jauntily boarded the aircraft.

Kasey geeks out in the helicopter muttering over and over, “This is crazy.”

Ah foreshadowing.

Kasey continues with his quest to explain in detail to the viewing audience that he is here to conquer Ali with his undying love and compassion.

“Ali wants love. She needs love. And she didn’t get that from Jake. She has expanded out to this other place and is open to love from another. This is a fairy tale. I’m supposed to spend every day with her. I will protect and guard her heart. And I want someone to protect and guard my heart too. We just have to make it happen. This is a REALITY show. This is real. I’m going after it with all my unprotected heart and passion with as much love as I can. The sun is setting. This is my moment. I hope she takes it in…”

I have to say I was a little nervous about what Kasey was going to do in his moment. Of course, there are camera men there to intervene if something freaky happens, but for a moment, I forget I’m watching a REALITY show and fully expect Kasey to pull off his energy mask to reveal some sort of Predator-esque head with eight tentacles that go directly for Ali’s unprotected heart.

The suspense is killing me!

Ali and Kasey clink champagne glasses and then it happens.

Kasey sings.

Dear readers. We’ve been friends a long time. You’ve read my recap for years. My modus operandi for instances such as these usually involves a couch cushion, verbal interjections repeated over and over again while rocking back and forth in the fetal position. But this was a rare moment. It was an out of body experience. I did not shove my head in the cracks of my sofa. I did not issue forth an eerie, “Nooooooooooooo.” I did not try to find two sharp objects to stuff in my ears.

I was mesmerized. Eyes bugged. Mouth hanging ajar. Staring. Listening. Just absorbing these lyrics.

When I was flying
In the helicopter
Over this amazing city

I look to my left
And I saw something
So pretty

[Insert Ali’s forced giggle.]

At the end
Of tonight
I’m not just your average Joe

But I hope in my hindsight
I see and find a rose.

[Insert Ali’s concerned face.]

Of course, Kasey is not up to par on context clues or body language and takes her shifting weight away from his general direction as a sign of being blown away by his vocal stylings.

Kasey: “Yeah. I’m pretty intense.”

Ah foreshadowing.

Ali takes Kasey to the American Museum of Natural History where they have the whole place to themselves. Well…them and Jedediah, Octavius, Teddy Roosevelt, that cute monkey. Since providing electricity to a museum is super expensive, the staff cuts off the lights and gives them flashlights and lanterns while they wander around. Later, Kasey will try to woo Ali by recreating Paul Revere’s midnight ride. One if he gets a rose. Two if he doesn’t.

Ali: “I’m keeping an open mind with Kasey. I get that he’s being a total cheese a$$. But I want him to be real. I love dinosaurs and he’s trying to scare me. And then he pretends to talk to a gorilla? If that gorilla hadn’t said I was cute, I don’t know what I would have done. Because the earring guy said tuxedo jackets are all the rage but I just feel stupid. What was the question again? Oh right. Am I afraid of my life when I’m with Kasey? Not really.”

Back at the man suite, Ty has recovered the next date card. He proudly announces that he, Robert-o, Jess, Kirk and Frank would be “playing” with Ali. Had the list stopped there, it would have been an All-Star cast of characters on this date, minus the exclusion of Cape Cod Chris. Sadly, Weatherboy and Craig the Informer were on the list too.

PG-Rated Justin is whining because he was not included on the list. And think Frank said it best when he lamented, “Wrestler…go home.”

Back at the museum, Ali is trying to get real with Kasey while picnicking under the blue whale display.

Ali: “A rose holds so much weight to me. I think of it as a gift to a potential husband. I have to put all the other hot guys out of my mind and think of only Kasey. And these olives that I’m stuffing in my mouth.”

Ali begins by asking Kasey a relatively loaded question.

Ali: “So what makes this date different than the other dates?”
Kasey: “Easy. Because you’re Ali. You make me happy. Here’s the thing…I can honestly say that at this point, I choose to be here for you. I choose you. And I hope that some day you can choose me.”

Ali: “How do you know that a person is right for you?”
Kasey: “Where do I begin? They have yellow hair. They are shorter than me. They don’t ask me to clear the bubble in my throat. They want me to guard their heart and protect mine too. There is so much more. I can’t even get into it.”

Ali: “I feel like you are reading from a story because this is too perfect.”
Kasey: “It’s from my heart. Jump in and stay a while.”

Bless Kasey’s heart. Again with the lack of context clues. What Ali meant was, “It’s time to go…psycho.” Kasey thinks that his perfection has secured him a green light to capitalize on another moment.

He grabs her hands and Ali’s throat starts to feel thick. Wait. That was me.

And Kasey sings. Again.

The night that I first saw you
I was staring through that glass
And I knew within the first moment
That you and I would last

On the beach in California
You made me start to believe
And now in New York City
And it’s just you and me

Tonight you got a rose
And I don’t want to feel its thorns
And if you choose me Ali
I will forever be yours

Kasey: “This kind of came to me. I guess you bring out the inspiration.”

At this point, Ali is done. I have to admire the girl for calling him out.

Ali: “You know Kasey. Love you like my crazy Aunt Tilley. Truly. But I’m not getting realness. I feel like it’s just lines. I like you. You are a nice guy. I worry it’s not real. I feel like I want you to be just Kasey for a second. I feel like you are trying to be genuine, but parts are not genuine. Do you understand that? Are you following me? I can’t give you a rose tonight.”

Both lick their lips for a few minutes.

Ali: “But I don’t want you to leave either.”
Kasey: “I’m trying to put myself out there. I guess I’m trying too hard.”

Ali: “Show me the fun dork guy. Perhaps acquire a LIVE STRONG bracelet. Talk to Robert-o. If he doesn’t want to be near you, then watch him from afar. Put your stalker skills to good use and practice how it’s done. Okay big guy? Are we good? Because I don’t want to sleep with one eye open tonight.”
Kasey : “I can do that.”

Ali leaves and Kasey reflects.

“I put my heart out there and to be told I’m not genuine…hurts. So I’m going to cry about it. My heart does NOT feel protected or guarded right now. I’m sitting here on this polar bear carpet and will not leave until I figure out a way to prove to Ali that I am special.”

Group Date
Get ready to play.

The cool kids of the group date all put on their sneakers, convinced that some sort of competition is in the works. They wander down Times Square ready to tackle an obstacle course when Ali pops up on the ginormous ABC screen. She’s blowing kisses and sends them a super secret message about finding her at the concrete jungle.

Kirk: “Concrete jungle? Hey. I bet it’s the Lion King.”

This took all of 30 seconds to figure out. Worst game of scavenger hunt ever.

Weatherboy is closest to the doors. He makes a run for it, takes the stairs two-by-two and slams into Ali who is waiting at the top. He holds her in a death grip until Frank kindly steps in.

Ali: “Broadway is my favorite part of New York City. And the Lion King is a super cool show brought to you by the folks over at Disney who just happen to be owned by ABC. Coincidence, huh? Anyway, I know you guys thought you were going to be playing baseball or water polo, but since I’m under the weather I decided that the best way to compete for my affections is to audition for a Broadway play.”

Weatherboy jumps up and down and claps his hands. “The forecast is looking good!”

Tony Award winner Thomas Schumacher greets the group and explains the rules. Whoever has the stuff it takes to be on Broadway will get to spend an evening with Ali. And whoever can do it without looking like a complete chach while wearing brightly colored t-shirts and spandex shorts gets extra bonus points.

Right away, Robert-o is proving he can dance more than salsa, which confirms that there is nothing this guy can’t do. Frank has it and then loses it. Jesse is dancing to the beat of his own drummer and Weatherboy is excited for Ali to hear his singing because he’s waaaay better at that than dancing.

Everyone gathers around the piano to sing “Can You Feel the Love Tonight.” And Weatherboy, Frank, Craig the Informer proved they are each tone deaf. It was miserable. They didn’t even hit notes. It was more like honking.

Then Jesse steps up and delivers a pretty good rendition of Sir Elton’s song. Oddly, Ali just stared at him without emotion. Did she not hear the previous honking?

Finally, Robert-o is up. And he has a strategy.

Robert-o: “Jesse was really good. So I decided to just go for it. But instead of singing to the guy playing to the piano, I sang to Ali. It just made sense.”

I WOULD LIKE TO TAKE THIS TIME TO MAKE AN ANNOUNCEMENT. WE HAVE FOUND A FLAW. REPEAT. WE HAVE FOUND A FLAW IN ROBERT-O. HOMBRE CAN NOT…REPEAT…CAN NOT SING. BUT HE STILL HAS MAD SKILLS FOR SERENADING ALI DIRECTLY.

Due to the massive head cold Ali is experiencing, her hearing was tremendously impaired. She giggles, claps and invites Robert-o to bend over to hug her and her germs. Unlike Kasey, Tony Award winner Thomas Schumacher has the ability to pick up on context clues and awards the date night to Robert-o.

But wait. There’s a catch. Robert-o and Ali will not be watching the Lion King from the audience. They will be performing that night! Take that people from Piedmont, North Dakota who saved months and months to shell out four $150 tickets to see a famous musical on Broadway! You get to amateur dancers for the night! Congratulations!

And to make matters worse, the League of Lesser Men have to watch the entire rehearsal as Ali and Robert-o intertwine their legs and arms while being suspended in the air.

Frank: “This is concerning. She can’t help but get close to Robert-o.”
Weatherboy: “I’m a schmuck.” (Lincee: AMEN!)
Kirk: “This makes me want to throw up. Is his head in her cleavage?”
Frank: “Why didn’t I sing to Ali directly? That was a rookie mistake.”
Weatherboy: “We did have sunny skies but a storm came out of nowhere and crapped in my face. A sh@! storm. And now I need a shower.”

Ali and Robert-o make their Broadway debut. The Lion King is so popular that ABC didn’t even bother to spring for tickets for the other Bachelors. They have to watch the show from a flat screen that was set up by the ABC intern in the lobby.

After the show, the tension is building because all of the guys not named Robert-o want time with Ali. Our Bachelorette, however, is trying hard to hold it together. Upon downing half a bottle of Nyquil on the way to the party, she’s feeling a little disconnected with the rest of the world.

Everyone knows the old adage about colds and fevers, right? Force the sick person out in the frigid, rainy weather and they are sure to get better. So that’s what Frank does.

Frank: “I was on top of the world and thought nothing could shake my feelings for you. But now I’m shaking.”
Ali hacking a lung: “It’s hard for me to make out with other guys. I’m worried that it will make you feel differently. Just because I’m making out with Robert-o, doesn’t change anything.”

They make out passionately. Ali jokes about giving him walking pneumonia and he tells her he would gladly accept her germs any day.

Back inside, Craig the Informer is throwing PG-Rated Justin (his greatest nemesis in the house) under the bus in a very gracious way. He drones on and on about how he’s all about having fun. Fun with rules and guidelines of course, but fun none the less. Ali has a glazed look about her and she begins to sway. Weatherboy is stalking in the background and decides to make a move.

Weatherboy: “I don’t want to be rude, but is this a bad time?”
Craig: “Give us a couple of minutes Weatherboy.”

Weatherboy goes back to the pack of guys to report:

“It’s raining men boys. And Ali looks like she’s about to head for cover indoors.”

Kirk gets a clue and realizes that Ali is done. He swoops in on Weatherboy’s time slot and pulls Ali aside to offer a massive set of pecs for her to rest her aching head.

Kirk: “You are really, really sick. You need to let me take you upstairs so you can take care of yourself.”

Well played Kirk.

Ali: “You guys. I feel like crap. Thanks for your time, but I’m not going to give out a rose tonight. Because I’m the rogue Bachelorette who breaks all the rules. I hope you guys understand. Kirk’s going to walk me to my room now.”

Robert-o gives Kirk the Rico Suave nod of the head. Frank weeps in the corner. And Weatherboy spits out another forecast that I refuse to write because it’s so dorktastic.

Ali to Kirk: “Will you sing me a lullaby.”

Being the smart, savvy player Kirk is, he dodges that question like the plague and invites Ali to rest on his chest as he tells her a bedtime story about a strong knight from Wisconsin who rides in on his noble steed to save the fair maiden. She fake falls asleep and Kirk blows out 19 candles that took the ABC intern a good 15 minutes to light.

Second One-On-One Date
Cape Cod Chris
Let’s take a bite out of the Big Apple.

Cape Cod is stoked to be back in the city he lived in for five years. He can’t wait to just be with Ali alone for some flip cup action. Sadly, Ali feels sick and sends a note that invites Cape Cod to get sick with her in her private suite.

Cape Cod Chris loves this idea because it will be just like real life. He bums a few bucks of the camera man (who totally loves him) and buys her chicken noodle soup and flowers. Ali thinks this is the sweetest gesture ever.

Ali: “So why did you leave New York in the first place?”
CCC: “Oh. I moved home to be with my Mom because she was sick. And to help out my family. It was the best decision I ever made. That’s why I live at home…with my Dad.”

Ali finds this story endearing. I think Cape Cod gave just the right amount of story without trying to garner sympathy. You could tell he was genuine and happy to talk about his Mom, but was ready to move on to other topics. Well played again Cape Cod.

Back at the man suite, Craig the Informer learned his lesson with PG-Rated Justin and has made it his personal mission to keep tabs on every Bachelor left in the competition. He takes great pride in walking into the sitting area to announce that Kasey has left the building.

Weatherboy: “We put out an Amber Alert for Kasey.”

I have to admit that that one made me giggle.

This season continues to break all the rules as we follow Kasey wandering around seedy portions of the Upper East Side.

Kasey: “That’s right. I snuck out. No one knows where I am even though I have a camera following me. This is the biggest moment of my life. Ali questioned my sincerity and my heart. Today, I’m going to prove I’m genuine and have a huge heart. I’m going to do something I never thought I would be doing.”

Oh no! Where is he going? What will he do? Is he going to sing again? He’s rounding a corner. What will happen?

Cut to a neon sign that says, “TATTOOS AND PIERCINGS.”

Oh how I hoped for a nipple piercing.

Kasey: “That’s right. I’m getting a tattoo. It’s a shield protecting a heart. I believe in Ali. I love Ali. I’m genuine and I’m sincere. Ali closed me off and maybe this will help. This is INSANE.”

Somewhere, an ABC intern has earned a 10% raise.

Back in Ali’s suite, our Bachelorette claims to feel so much better and decides to continue the second half of her planned date with Cape Cod Chris. She takes him to a club to eat oysters and lobster. Ali ate something on the inside of her crustacean dinner that apparently is uncommon because Cape Cod exclaims, “Hey! My Mom used to do that!”

Ali: “Tell me about your Mom.”
CCC: “She was a nice lady. Everyone loved her. She battled cancer for seven years. Before she died, she told me to look for her in rainbows. At the funeral, there was this huge rainbow…it was amazing. Since then I haven’t seen so many rainbows in my life. Wherever I go, they follow me.”

Sweet story. I think it’s time to not talk about the Mom anymore until they meet the Dad and brothers on the home town date.

Ali: “I know it’s hard for you to be here on your birthday, so I’m going to break the rules for the 27th time this season and let you use a cell phone to call your Dad.”

Cape Cod thinks this is the best news ever. He calls. Dad tells him he loves him and can’t wait to meet Ali.

Well played Cape Cod Dad.

Meanwhile, Kasey returns to the 35th floor with his wrist covered in bandages. Everyone immediately checks their razors, only to find the blades are still intact. Kasey lies and tells the group that he burned himself on the stove and has been at the hospital all day long.

PG-Rated Justin’s BS alarm goes off because this dude has a Ph.D. in BS. He “calls” it to the camera that he will go on the record as being the one person who knows Kasey is a fibber.

Ali tells Cape Cod Chris that he is wicked awesome and gives him a rose. Then she invites him up to the roof for a private dance party. It’s not like we’ve done this three times already this season!

As they bust through the door, Cape Cod has a look of anxiousness on his face. Ali whispers, “I’m told it’s Joshua Radin” and they proceed to flail about in front of him and a gospel choir. When the tempo changes, Cape Cod pulls her in nice and close and begins swaying back and forth eight grade style. Then he executes a serious kiss with lots of head tilting back and forth.

Kirk: “She’s my girlfriend now. I don’t want to hang out with a bunch of dudes. The game is over.”

Rose Ceremony
Ali enters the room in a black InStyle jumper with a plunging neckline that looks like she is about to be the recipient of open heart surgery. Weatherboy immediately whisks her away for some alone time.

Out of nowhere, we see him chugging down a glass of water telling Ali he’s nervous for what he’s about to do.

Dear Lord in heaven. Weatherboy has a guitar.

I can’t regurgitate the lyrics of Weatherboy’s tune. Because I fast forwarded. Sorry. I just couldn’t take another song. My apologies.

PG-Rated Justin is talking to the brick wall that is Trista’s Ryan about how Kasey is a LIAR. Then, we have the most dramatic part of the entire night.

The dude speaks. One sentence.

I love this show.

Kasey, wearing a melon shirt and tie that is an exact match to his skin tone, sidles up next to PG-Rated.

PG: “Did you burn your wrist?”
Kasey: What does that have to do with anything?”

PG: “I don’t want liars in my house.”
Kasey: “Oh but you can crutch down a hill to sneak off to see Ali?”

PG: “It was up hill.”
Kasey: “Fine. I’m calling a meeting. Guys. Brotherhood. Come to me and listen. When Ali questioned my sincerity yesterday, I decided to get a tattoo. It’s a shield protecting a heart. In case you didn’t know, that’s my catch phrase. And see these 11 dents? That represents us. You are my brothers. And I love each and every one of you to the death. TO THE DEATH I SAY!”

And with that outburst of extreme crazy, we get a smorgasbord of the night’s best one-liners all at Kasey’s expense.

Frank: “Protect and guard your heart. He tattooed it on his wrist. That doesn’t prove anything except that you are nuts.”

CCC: “Kasey didn’t burn himself. Instead he got a tattoo. That’s permanent. That’s not coming off. Plus, he’ll be known as the Bachelor who got a tattoo for the rest of his life.”

Ty: “If he gets a rose tonight, who knows what will be tattooed next!”

PG: “I called it! Rated R was right. Now the only thing left is for Kasey to go home with a bad tattoo.”

Kasey: “The brotherhood loved it. They thought it was inspiring and courageous and they respect me for doing something like that.”

If I had been there at that moment, I would have pat Kasey on the head.

The Bachelors encourage Kasey whole-heartedly to share his new ink with Ali. He seeks her out and entices her with a bag of Sour Patch Kids before diving in head first again with the inappropriateness.

Kasey: “I came here for you. I don’t have to say that anymore. I took heed to what you said about being serious. I was confused at first and after I thought about it, I have something for you…yes Frank?”

In a moment in which I’m sure our favorite worrier will be kicking himself later, Frank interrupts before Kasey can reveal his love tattoo.

Before heading off to the Pier One bureau at the rose ceremony, Ali thanks everyone for coming with her to New York City. She knew it was important to show a fun side, but also so a care giver side when she faked being sick.

Roses go to:
Cape Cod Chris
Kirk
Frank
Craig the Informer
Trista’s Husband Ryan (I’m convinced he’s a mole.)
Robert-o
PG-Rated Justin
Ty
Kasey

Sadly, Jesse is gone. Several variables helped Ali give him the boot.

Ali: “Jesse. You are hot. But you wear denim. Like all the time. I wear tuxedo jackets from InStyle fashion correspondents. You are from a state that is located somewhere in the middle. I’m from California. Big difference. You like cows. I eat cows. There are other guys here who are willing to guard and protect my heart. Some bring me soup. Some put me to bed. Some feel me up hanging high in the rafters. Although I think you have a charming singing voice, I just don’t think we are a match.”
Jesse: “Yeah. I miss my dogs.”

I’m thrilled that she kept Kasey. Crazy makes everything so much more fun, don’t you agree?

Next week Ali is going to cool the guys down by taking them to Iceland in which things ironically heat up with a volcano. We learn that Kirk is nervous about telling Ali his secret history. I’m guessing he got a parking ticket once.

And we see Frank imploring Kasey to reveal his tattoo so Ali can go ahead and let that ship sail. We hear a lovely voiceover from Ali telling the camera, “The only thing Kasey has to do is be normal. Can he handle it? I’m not sure.”

FLY YOUR FREAK FLAG PROUDLY KASEY!

I’m all about the shame, not the fame,

Lincee

Comments

163 Comments on "Get your freak on"

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CindyLou1985
CindyLou1985

Please forgive me if someone else has brought up this point…..I was watching the ever so cute Joe McHale and The Soup over the weekend and the observant people over at E! noticed that when Rated-PG Justin was hobbling up to Ali’s house last week, he actually changed legs mid way and was limping on the other one…..hmmmmmmm…….seems like PG has some explaining to do! So wish one of the guys would notice he changes his limp and bust him out!

CindyLou1985
CindyLou1985

Sorry to be a post hound! I just had to comment that after spending all the time with In Style and getting a new makeover….the next thing we see Ali in for her first date is a pair of leggings (or SUPER skinny pants), a short top and jacket which made her look horrible…..In Style would not be proud of that look!

Mallory
Mallory

I am still laughing. Right now, Cape Cod Chris and Kirk are the only ones I remotely like.

And Kasey, I get what he’s *trying* to do and get across, but he’s just really, really bad at the execution of the ideas. Poor thing. I wanted to pat him on the head, too.

tracy
tracy

Funniest episode ever!!! Totally agree that ABC has redeemed themselves, or at least made the two hour episode a little more entertaining…although we really have Kasey, Roberto and CCC to thank for that! The rainbow and unicorn comment from CCC was one of the best and most accurate probably! I’m really loving CCC.

This was the first episode that I found myself liking Justin…I love that he called out Krazy Kasey on the “burn”. The dude needs some help!! And he thinks they all thought he was being “a man” by getting the tattoo. Guess he is getting to see what they really thought 😉 Hilarious!

I hope Roberto and CCC go home soon…they are just too good for Ali. I am picking Kirk for her.

AuburnMommy

Soooo good, Lincee! Hilarious as always. Have to share what my husband who loves to hate the show said last night during one of PG-Rated Justin’s last camera monologues:

PG-Rated Justin: “At this point, nothing is certain.”

My husband: “Except for that tattoo.”

LOVE IT. Props to my husband for enduring my infatuation with The Bachelor/ette and props to you, Lincee, for making it so much fun!

Shelley
Shelley

My husband wanders in and out of the room as this show is on each week, and it’s usually at the most rediculous times, and he just laughs a little. But last night he wandered in during CCC’s date and he actually sat down and watched it. After it was over he said, he’s a really great guy, what the heck is he doing on the show?!

shannon
shannon

I think Trista’s Ryan is a mole too!! He never talks or touches Ali – it’s b/c he’s her best friend or cousin or something…

93 Bobcat
93 Bobcat

“Think before you speak. Except you. Dude who still looks like Trista’s Husband. I’m going to need you to remain mute. Because that’s just funny”

and…

“Take that people from Piedmont, North Dakota who saved months and months to shell out four $150 tickets to see a famous musical on Broadway! You get to amateur dancers for the night! Congratulations!”

Greatness Lincee. You are so hilarious.

witchywoman
witchywoman

#2 CindyLou -I thought the same thing…..How could InStyle be proud of the clothing the chose or how it looked on Ali? Her hair and clothing have been, in so many ways, WRONG all season. How can that be?

What an overall episode! You nailed it, Lincee!

heidi
heidi

best. recap. ever!

Lori H
Lori H

Dear Lord in heaven. Weatherboy has a guitar.

My favorite line…the Intern has been busy getting all the ukes/guitars this season!

Closet-Bachelorette-Fan
Closet-Bachelorette-Fan

I couldn’t believe that she kept Kasey… and then, like you, I was relieved that we get to experience more of his insane reality. The dude seriously had me shaking my head and saying out loud, what are you thinking!?!?
And a agree, that was the most entertaining show in a long time.

Janet
Janet

Didn’t anyone catch Jesse comparing Ali to his dogs when he left!? I about DIED!! I love Jesse.

Marus

Does anyone else get the feeling that Roberto, CCChris, and Kirk are in an entirely different competition than the other boys? I don’t know why she even bothers keeping the rest around.

Some Guy in Austin

whoever can do it without looking like a complete chach while wearing brightly colored t-shirts and spandex shorts gets extra bonus points

Sadly, no one met that burden. DP

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