Hallmark Christmas Movies 2017
I know it’s not even December yet, but I feel the need to discuss the new Hallmark Christmas movies with you since they’ve been playing since Labor Day.
I’m exaggerating. But not by much.
This year I’ve decided to fully drink the Kool-Aid and dive head first into an assortment of magical little towns in the middle of a winter wonderland where the locals are obsessed with Christmas. I have every confidence there will be a holiday festival of some sort, an old person who gives romantic advice, and a twist that makes the viewer nervous that the two leads won’t end up together.
Of course we’d never buy that. He will leave his legal practice in the city and move to Small Town so he can open a tree farm (which is what he’s always wanted to do) in the same Small Town where she owns a bakery that’s about to be closed down because times are hard. Her name will be Holly, Ginger, or Mary and she will always wear something either red or green.
There will also be townsfolk wearing a Santa hat serving coffee out of a little shack in the square. You know, the same town square where they hold the Christmas tree lighting.
The Hallmark Movie channel has upped their game. They have 21 new Christmas movies for 2017.
That’s a lot of Lacey Chabert and Candace Cameron. Here are just a few of them…
Marry Me at Christmas
Starring Rachel Skarsten and Trevor Donovan
My friend Stephanie told me “the one with the guy who looks like a real Ken doll” is good. I’m in.
Christmas Festival of Lights
Taylor Cole and Damon Runyan
Y’all, this is so weird. My roommate is a lawyer and she sculpts ice as a secret hobby, too. What are the odds?
Starring Brooke D’Orsay and Marc Blucas
I’m claiming false advertising on this one. I was looking forward to a Miss Christmas pageant where the contestants have to build gingerbread houses and sing carols and untangle lights as their talent. Even though I’m highly disappointed in the fake out, that guy is cute so I will watch it and hope that he gives Holly his tree. (Not a euphemism.)
The Sweetest Christmas
Starring Lacey Chabert and Lea Coco
Okay, first, this guy’s name is Lea Coco. Like Glenn Coco from Mean Girls. Where Lacey played Gretchen Weiners. COME ON!!! If her gingerbread house doesn’t win, I at least hope she makes fetch happen in her small town.
Starring Alexa and Carlos Pena Vega
This one has Lincee Ray written all over it. Dancing, Christmas, falling in love, and a real married couple playing the lead. Yes, please.
Coming Home For Christmas
Starring Danika McKeller and Neal Bledsoe
I forgot that Winnie Cooper is slowly climbing the ranks to be up there with Lacey and Candace in the Hallmark Christmas Movie Hall of Fame. I believe Neal Bledsoe is going to get her there. He’s darling. I know him best from The Mysteries of Laura. Yeah, people warned me to stop watching that show because NBC was going to cancel it, but I didn’t. And this was my reward for hanging in there:
I hope he takes his tie off and gets a little scruffy.
A Gift To Remember
Peter Porte and Ali Liebert
I’m confused. Does the guy who looks like Clark Kent have amnesia? Are we talking about a While You Were Sleeping situation here? Does she trick him into a relationship, feel bad, and then get the guy in the end anyway?
With Love, Christmas
Emilie Ullerup and Aaron O’Connel
I bet these two very pretty people fall in love, but someone else claims to be his Secret Santa and chaos ensues.
The Mistletoe Inn
Starring Alicia Witt and David Alpay
Yes! I’m a writer who would like to fall in love, too! It appears that all I have to do is dress up in a white doily frock and wait around a big room for another writer to bump into me. Love at first sight! Finally, the love manual I’ve been waiting for!
Starring Jodie Sweetin and Eric Winter
I think it’s darling that Candace Cameron got her TV little sister a job over at the Hallmark Channel. If this is Jodie’s fist time at the Christmas movie gig, well done my friend. Eric Winter is H-O-T.
The Christmas Train
Dermot Mulroney, Kimberly Williams-Paisley, Joan Cusack, and Danny Glover
Whoa, whoa, whoa…how are they on a train and not in an adorable small town where it snows and the sun shines at the same time? And should I feel bad for the cast? Is this a step down or is working on a Hallmark Christmas Movie a check in the win category of life? Also, I love Joan Cusak.
Switched For Christmas
Starring Candace Cameron and Candace Cameron
Do you want to know what bad PR looks like? A trailer without Eion Bailey in it. I might boycott this one just for that!
Don’t worry. I’ve got you, dear reader. Here you go:
For some reason, the Hallmark Christmas Movies YouTube channel doesn’t have the remaining trailers online yet and the embed code isn’t working. You’ll have to click on the main titles to watch the trailers.
You want me to click to another page? INCONCEIVABLE!
I know. Humor me.
Christmas in Evergreen
Starring Teddy Sears and Ashley Williams
From what I can gather, these people are stuck in an airport but also have access to the magical Small Town where Christmas lives. It also looks like Santa is stranded in this same airport. I’m calling it the Love Actually of the Hallmark Christmas Movies.
Christmas at Holly Lodge
Starring Allison Sweeney, Jordan Bridges, and Sheryl Lee Ralph
Okay, first of all, there’s Sweeney. Second of all, not only is her horse-drawn sleigh actually moving through the snow, but she’s driving it! Holly Lodge just stepped it up a notch. Take that Mistletoe Inn.
The Christmas Cottage
Starring Merritt Patterson and Steve Lund
It’s no big deal, really. Just two exes falling in love while dancing around a cottage. Happens all the time.
It’s time to dish: Which ones should I watch and which ones should I skip? HELP ME! THERE ARE SO MANY!