He Said / She Said : Volume 1
Well, Some Guy in Austin and I never thought we would be inundated by so many questions! It took a while to narrow the pickings down to three, but we did it.
I put lots of thought in the answers below. In fact, I found myself vacillating between contradicting viewpoints! (Aren’t you glad I’m playing this game?) I have a tendency to hem and haw and let everything run through my “prude” filter. It’s who I am. Let’s all own it and move on. With that said, I do have decent head on my shoulders and will always be influenced by my East Texas upbringing. I wish a hearty GOOD LUCK to all of us during this endeavor.
Some Guy, on the other hand, is straightforward. He rarely sugar coats anything and is honest with his humble opinion. As I’ve mentioned here several times before, he does have a very DISTURBED view of Noah Calhoun (see here), but that only makes the “He Said / She Said” exercise more entertaining. For his viewpoint on the exact same questions, click HERE.
As I said, this is going to be a recurring post on both of our sites. Please feel free to ask questions or message us (email, Twitter, Instagram, Facebook, Social Media Is Out of Control #sarcasticfont) for our next installment. Bachelor related questions are always welcome!
Buckle up people. Here we go!
QUESTION ONE FROM ANONYMOUS:
So, over the last three months I have lost 30 pounds – going back to my high school weight. I have worked hard and am rightly proud of myself. BUT, a guy that I was interested in before is all of the sudden interested now. Is it ridiculous that I won’t give him the time of day because I would want someone to like me no matter what I look like?
First of all, congratulations for losing 30 pounds in three months. I know from personal experience that it takes hard work and dedication to stick to that commitment. Good for you Anonymous!
Now…on to your question. My response to you is OF COURSE YOU SHOULD GIVE HIM THE TIME OF DAY SILLY!
Granted, it took me a few minutes to get to this advice. Allow me to elaborate and walk you through my random thought process:
I understand the internal debate you have going on and completely agree with your hesitation that this guy is only interested in you because of how smokin’ hot your butt looks in those jeans now. I bet it is fabulous and I imagine that if we knew each other, I would covet your tush.
With that said, I also understand that sharing your time with a guy who values your insides more than your outside is of the utmost importance. I personally wouldn’t settle for anything less. You are fearfully and wonderfully made.
You want a guy who appreciates your love of classic country music, as well as one who will keep it to himself that New Kids on the Block was the best concert you attended in 2013. You want a guy who is proud of your career advancements but has complete faith that you would be a tremendous stay-at-home Mom. You want a man who volunteers beside you at the soup kitchen because that’s important to you, but you also want a man who is ecstatic that you’re wearing his school’s colors during the game, because that’s important to him.
I personally think that being physically attracted to the other person HAS to be a part of the romantic equation. I also think that physical attraction can grow once you know someone better. We all remember that one guy who was a good friend and then one day he did something that made us look at him in a different light. The small details, the stories and the moments of vulnerability can be transformational.
Of course, your case is the exact opposite of this scenario. I can only go from my own experience, but if I had to guess, I would say that someone who is 30 pounds lighter probably walks a little more confidently, relaxes in social situations that may have been intimidating before and probably exudes more joy thanks to her new dedicated lifestyle. You made the decision…the very HARD decision…to lose weight. Then you followed through with your goal. And you didn’t just lose a few pounds. You lost the equivalent of a toddler.
Your brain, your heart and your integrity are important. Guess what? So are his.
You’ve had your eye on this guy. Now he’s paying attention to you because you’ve transitioned in his mind. Yes you made his head turn because of the new little black dress you wore the other day when y’all were hanging out, but the fact is that because of your weight loss, more than just his head is going to turn.
My advice would be to give this guy a chance. You’re attracted to him and he’s attracted to you. Take the time to get to know him on a more advanced level and see if he just appears interested in your body. Trust that you will be able to discern his motives. I think you’ll be able to tell within a few dates if this is the guy for you.
QUESTION FROM SAL in UTAH
Lincee and Some Guy…battle this out: What about Des’ natural look (most of the time) vs Emily’s totally made up face and hair all the time?
This one is hard for me to answer Sal. You see, I grew up and currently live in the South. My Mama to this day will not leave the house without her false eyelashes and a fresh coat of lipstick. You can imagine her horror when I came home from college one semester and had my flannel shirt untucked from my cut-off jeans and was wearing flip flops IN OCTOBER.
I remember that transition well. It was the mid-nineties and our love of big hair sprayed bangs and permed coifs quickly evolved into straight hair, no bangs and an acceptance of moody bands from Seattle. The arrival of Abercrombie and Fitch sealed the deal that we should embrace our natural femininity and that men prefer a woman who is comfortable in her own skin, verses one who prefers to look like a Miss America contestant from the 80s.
I’m probably somewhere in the middle. If I don’t wear mascara, people have a tendency to think I’m either extremely tired or suffering from a disease that is currently eating my internal organs. It’s awesome. I can also say that if my Mama still dressed me today, she would switch the Luckenbach t-shirt and running shorts I’m currently wearing with something a little more binding. I’m sure a curling iron and Spanx would be involved in the process too.
And that’s okay.
Here’s the deal. Just like Anonymous from above, the answer lies in how you perceive yourself and if you are comfortable and secure with who you are in your own skin.
My guess is that your real question is, “What do guys prefer?” I’m sure you’re wondering, “How could a guy pick Emily who looks very put together all the time, but also find Des’ natural look attractive?” I’ll let Some Guy give his take on that viewpoint, but for what it’s worth, I think the answer lies in personal preference.
Obviously I think that you just go with what makes you comfortable and if the guy digs it, he digs it. Let’s flip this situation in reverse. Are you more attracted to an Ames type with red pants, bow ties and enough product in his hair to grease a can opener? (Let the record show…I HEART AMES IN CASE YOU DIDN’T KNOW!) Or do you like a guy who is comfortable in khaki shorts, a non-squared tank top and Toms? (Let the record show that this phantom guy IS HOT TOO!)
See what I did there? I could and would go out on a date with both. Keep an open mind. Have fun. I would embrace who I am and who they are and let the chips fall where they may. You never know. He could be the one.
QUESTION FROM JEANNE
All the poetry…is that really what will get you to the finish line or is it creepy?
Excellent question Jeanne. Just like the dessert table at Thanksgiving, the open bar at the wedding reception and searching for Chris Harrison clips on YouTube…it’s good in moderation.