Last night my phone, Facebook and email blew up with the confirmation of Jake’s return to The Bachelor. And for some reason, ABC chose to share this news on Dancing with the Stars in one of the lamest announcements I’ve ever witnessed. Granted, I fast-forwarded through most of the train wreck. (I’m not emotionally invested in anyone on the show but Dmitry now that Maks is gone.) But from what I gathered, our second favorite host Tom Bergeron teased us with two yahoos and Jake…all holding a single red rose (chachtastic) while the inevitable rhetorical question boomed over the audience as the camera man (do you think it’s Gary?) panned the three faces:
“Who will be the next Bachelor?”
After the break, they did the exact same thing with the addition of Julianne Hough’s little brother in the panel looking like a door knob. The camera landed on Jake and he gave a half-hearted grin as if to say, “What in the world have I gotten myself in to?”
Much like this moment when he sold his soul to the producers and came back to tattle on He Who Must Not Be Named:
I think the best thing to do now that we are officially stuck with Jake is to focus on the positives:
1. He’s still hot. Yes, it’s in a Ken Doll sort of way, but he’s had several months to work on his core and get ready for the hot tub scenes. Hopefully he practiced kissing a few lucky ladies to work on his form and approach. Hopefully…
2. Everyone knows that we all love The Bachelor better than The Bachelorette because of the CRAZIES that ABC blatantly puts through to the Top 20. Here’s hoping he is contractually obligated to keep one or two around for entertainment value.
3. Remember how we called Jason Mesnick melba toast? And look how THAT season turned out! There’s hope for our pilot!
Oh! And look who else is back!
I can’t contain my joy.
Luckily, the apartment cat left this little treasure in front of the neighbor’s door. Looks like Tweety put up a good fight.
Or it might be an omen that things are going to be messy on this season’s Bachelor.
Let the heart breaking begin!