I cry at all weddings. Even nationally televised ones.

Sean and Catherine are finally hitched y’all!

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And in some honeymoon suite at the Four Seasons, there’s a discarded seven-piece champagne colored lingerie set that is strewn all over the floor.

It’s disturbing that I am not Catherine’s BE-FRI to her ST-END, yet I know the delicate details of what she wore on her special night. Me and however many other millions of people who flipped back and forth from the Lowe wedding, the Grammy’s and Downton Abbey that is…

In case you were mesmerized by teenager Lorde singing “Royals” in front of all of her musical peers, or exhaling that breath you didn’t know you were holding when Bates FINALLY found out about Anna, here’s a rundown of the many emotions I experienced during the two-hour special.

  • Denial: I must have experienced some brain lapse because I totally forgot that Sean and Catherine rode off on an elephant after getting engaged in Thailand.
  • Confused: Why was Our Host Chris Harrison treating this wedding like he was on a red carpet? “There’s Molly and Jason!  Don’t they look lovely! And there’s Aunt Edna. At least that’s why my cheat sheet says.  I’ve never met her before.”
  • Blubbery: When Sean and Catherine asked his Dad to officiate their ceremony, and he began to cry, I pretty must lost it.  The first time.
  • Dumbfounded: Am I supposed to know what groan sexy means? Is this what the kids are calling it these days? And is that appropriate for a wedding? WHAT IS SHE TALKING ABOUT?
  • Clued in: OH!  Grown sexy.  I see.  I see that I still don’t get it.
  • Relieved: Thankfully, Sean sits her down on a dirt road and asks about grown sexy and how this could possibly translate into flowers, candles and cake. Catherine explains that she has always been viewed as a funny, jovial, happy person and this wedding is her coming out party to be sexy and a woman.
  • Helpful: Maybe the word she’s looking for is elegant, sophisticated and mature. Those are the older, wiser sisters of “grown sexy” I believe.
  • Creepy: Why, oh why did ABC insist on installing a honeymoon camera and then send some random person in to fluff the down comforter and pillows?
  • Awkward: Seeing Sean pick out lingerie for Catherine made me hide behind my couch cushion. Flipping back and forth from Lady Mary to La Perla helped me not break out into hives. Hearing Catherine describe said lingerie as “icing for her body” while she’s sitting in a satin robe waiting for her photographer to arrive so he/she can take naughty pictures for Sean made me bust out the fast forward on the remote.  I just couldn’t.
  • Mathematical: There were approximately 32 bridesmaids. I wondered where they would all stand, but instead of flanking the stage, they sat down.  Behind the row of former Bachelor success stories of course. And the token runner-ups from Sean’s inaugural season.  There’s One F skating off into the distance.  And Ari is looking for a secluded brick wall.  Nice.
  • Happy: Sean’s handful of groomsmen surrounded him and prayed over him before the ceremony. LET THE TEARS FLOW!
  • Exasperated: Sean and Catherine had to schedule in two commercial breaks for their live wedding. Good thing they had the 2Cello guys playing for them. Speaking of…
  • Perplexed: Even though it sounded pretty cool, I found myself questioning Catherine’s decision to walk down the aisle to “Human Nature” by Michael Jackson.  It must be a grown sexy thing.
  • Weepy: First Mrs. Lowe is crying, then the Dad cries during the vows and then Sean cries the entire way back down the aisle after announcing them husband and wife.  I CAN’T TAKE IT!
  • Secure: After seeing the Monique Lhuillier dress, the Neil Lane diamond band, a collection of every flower on the West Coast and fancy hair courtesy of that tan guy who wears a cowboy hat, I’m pretty sure we will all be invited to the nuptials of Des and Chris this time next year.  And let the record show: there will be poetry.

Did you enjoy the wedding? Are you annoyed that we didn’t get to see the reception? Based on all the tears, do you think this will last?

 

Comments

48 Comments on "I cry at all weddings. Even nationally televised ones."

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MWStacey1054

I was wondering before it started just how much “Jesus” would be in the ceremony…I was really happy to see He was pretty frequently mentioned! I wondered if, had it not been on live tv, it his dad would have “preached” a little more, but I thought the ceremony itself was very sweet, very much “them” (since I know them so well), and very personal.

Rachel H

Oh my oh my, you said it! Glad to have company in feeling awfully igry about the whole grown sexy thing. The more I understood what she meant, the less I wanted to know.

Also? If they are both really virgins, the wedding night is unlikely to be a very good time. Awkward-but-Sweet is probably the best they can hope for.

Trisha
Trisha

I am not ashamed to say that I cried too. I missed the first part because I forgot about it being on and was watching the Grammy’s. When they got too much for me to handle, I channel surfed right over to the wedding. I am sure I would have cried too when they asked Shawn’s Dad to officiate. I just love him! 🙂 The honeymoon cam was ridiculous and all the talk about the anxiously awaited honeymoon activities was TMI but in the end I was glad I tuned in. It would be nice if every husband would allow themselves to show their true emotion on their wedding day. It is such a precious gift to their wife! 🙂

Jillian
Jillian

I’m not sure, but I don’t think the bride wiping away nose snot with her bare hand during the ceremony qualifies as grown sexy. The wedding planner to the stars should have thought of a handkerchief! 😉

Ange @ Cowgirl Runs
Ange @ Cowgirl Runs

I wish I had been made aware of this “grown sexy” thing prior to the show – that would have made a great drinking game!

Judy
Judy

I thought Sean’s dad did a wonderful job. Made it personal and spiritual. There’s been so much made of their being virgins — and as Sean said, that is only part of his faith. But hopefully a good example to others. Jimmy Fallon didn’t even believe them and asked if they would be willing to take a lie detector test.

Liana
Liana

I didn’t watch, Sean was not a fave of mine and I felt there would be too much cheese. I have seen lots of pics on line and she looked beautiful. Grown Sexy? WTH?
Will they last? Maybe, but the jury is still out on it. Remember, since their season ended they haven’t been away from the cameras, the hoopla, and the adoration for a single moment. The true test will come when they live together and lead a normal, everyday life.

Amanda
Amanda

I’m pretty sure that magazines have said he was a “born again” virgin, but of course it’s a buzzword that gets people’s attention so ABC will flaunt it all they can. So many of your comments about the show were the same things I uttered to myself last night!

ILG

I figured ABC (and all other media) would harp on them not having sex before marriage. I think it’s great and I love how open they are about their faith. It’s so foreign in today’s society. The honeymoon suite cam was quite creepy. I think the camera guys were just trying to have fun with it.

Erin

I missed the first part and started watching right before she walked in. I am a wedding director and it was all sooo strange, from her walking in by herself to her mom picking her up halfway to her giving her bouquet to her mom to her bridesmaid coming on stage to fluff her dress. I think it would have been more special to have at least the best man and maid of honor up there with them. It was so sweet to see his dad perform the ceremony and to hear all about faith and Sean’s walk with Christ. But Sean and Catherine weren’t even holding hands until after the commercial break. It was a sweet ceremony and I cried, especially seeing him after it all sobbing. Too sweet. And then we HAD to see the reaction from other ‘success’ stories. I was a little upset not to see ANY of the reception. Oh well, I’m sure we’ll hear alllll about it.

Gita
Gita

The most riveting moment for me was watching Andy Dick talking to Sean’s father in the mini-screen. Even though he was on DWTS, I kept wondering if he was crashing another wedding. Or if Sean’s father would manage to make him born-again too!

Also, loved when Sean poured Catherine’s glass of bubbly, it seemed normal, then his own had major, major head, and in the next shot from a different angle it had magically disappeared.

LASS
LASS

Grown sexy? I have no idea what that is even after she tried to explain it. Eeew I didn’t need to see the lingerie.

Shopgirl
Shopgirl

I was mildly grossed out by the honeymoon suite cam, but TOTALLY grossed out by the train sound effects as the credits rolled at end…

ally
ally

Beautiful beautiful wedding, catherine’s vows were a little weird, the whole lingeree and honeymoon cam was just TOO MUCH, I would have rather seen the guests more and the reception, at least the first dance!!! OHCH looked very dapper though!!!

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