Listen To Your Heart Recap: Emotional Cheater
The Bachelor’s Listen To Your Heart is a musical reality show. I’d like to make that point clear. You would have never known that fact after watching the first episode. One might assume that the guy moping around with his guitar is of the Jed variety on a traditional season. That’s not the case.
You can imagine my high hopes going into week two. Although every single “couple” didn’t perform for us, the producers did loosen their grip a bit by featuring four different melodious-focused dates. They also shook things up by adding a trio of new ladies into the ensemble.
Meet Natascha. In a manner of seven seconds, we learn that she’s a proud New Yorker who lives in Los Angeles. She checks the Chilean and French boxes on her census form and is looking to find her husband and baby daddy in this humble abode full of philharmonics.
Natascha confidently strides into the back courtyard to greet her new housemates with pleasant nods and firm handshakes. Her white top is cropped, her mid-rise jeans have spikes on the legs, and if I was asked to guess which ABC television cast she belonged to, it would be the Real Housewives of Bachelor Nation.
The girls are intimidated. The guys are intrigued. Natascha is eager to learn if “this is everybody.” Rudi, the self-proclaimed informer of the group, announces that two people are currently out on a date — Trevor and Jamie.
Natascha executes the double-take she’s been practicing since she received a call from producers a few weeks ago.
Natascha: Hmmmm. Trevor. Trevor, Trevor, Trevor. Was he the Trevor who was on American Idol?
Natascha: I know him!
Lincee: You don’t say.
That’s right, Detective Natascha correctly guesses out of all the Trevors in the nation, the artist who was already on a musical reality show is the same one who just so happened to date, and cheat on, her dearest friend.
What. Are. The. Odds?
Jamie and Trevor
Is it fair that Jamie gets two dates outside of the mansion back-to-back? No. Is it weird that she seemed terrified to sing on both? Yes.
The production crew dumps the love birds off at Venice Beach so they can sing for their supper. Jamie plops down near the beach in her blush pink toddler outfit for grown-ups and sits entranced as Trevor plucks a few chords on his guitar. He wants to sing “Girl Crush” by Little Big Town.
Jamie’s reaction is a repeat from her Ryan “John” Mayer date. She looks ill. Is she experiencing stage fright? Does she not know how to read music? Is it her age? Did someone hear her in a shower once and suggest she become a songstress and she said, ‘Okay!’ I’m not sure. But something isn’t jiving with Jamie.
Trevor changes the key to fit her range and that seems to make things better. Jamie is ga-ga over the fact that he would adjust for her. She’s used to “dimming her light for other people.”
Maybe she’s typically a backup singer?
Nevertheless, she and Trevor sing and a few beach stragglers toss coins and wadded up bills in Trevor’s open guitar case. When the lyrics suggest “I want to taste your lips,” the duet make life imitate art and passionately kiss in front of everyone. Literally half a dozen people watched in wonder.
They rake in eighty-three bucks when all is said and done (color me impressed) and then find a deserted hot tub to continue the hot-and-heavy make out sesh from earlier. Jamie lets it be known that all her other boyfriends have cheated on her in the past. Trevor tells Jamie that he had a girlfriend for a while, but it didn’t work out.
Why? Because “nobody is perfect” and “I made some mistakes” and “I stayed longer than I should have stayed.” I call that vague. Jamie calls that MFEO and officially declares that she can’t see anything going wrong in this relationship.
Oh Jamie. Sweet, little chocolate-covered Jamie.
The sun has set on the mansion and half our crooners are huddled around an outdoor fire. Natascha has told everyone she is going to talk to Trevor when he gets back to make sure he told Jamie about his previous indiscretions. In fact, when he walks in, Natascha pounces by requesting a private audience with him.
Natascha: I know you.
Trevor: I thought I knew you, too. I can’t figure it out.
Natascha: Come with me and I’ll tell you.
Trevor: Let me get settled first.
Natascha: No. I’d rather chat now.
Natascha: Hold my
beer wine spritzer.
It’s important that you know Natascha is doing this as a favor to Jamie. Natascha is older. And claims to be wiser. She would want someone to “protect” her in the same way if she knew dirt about a guy she was vibing on. Wouldn’t you?
The real housewife is firm and stands her ground until Trevor admits that he A.) emotionally cheated and B). lied about it. She also puts pressure on Trevor to tell Jamie sooner rather than later. He agrees and then starts breathing into a brown paper bag dutifully provided by the ABC Intern.
It technically doesn’t matter if Trevor tells Jamie or not. Bekah and Rudi have already taken care of that business for him. Jamie is full-on horizontal now, working through her emotions not through the power of song, but with gut-wrenching tears. All the girls rally around her singing soft lullabies to calm her frazzled nerves.
Trevor eventually finds her in the room upstairs with good lighting. He explains that he did NOT physically cheat with this other girl. He just texted her. He wants her to know this because he is digging her chili. He’s also incredibly nervous that she’s going to stop talking to him.
We all knew it would take one watered down explanation and a sniff of Trevor’s pheromones for Jamie to fall back into his arms. She is choosing to trust the person who Trevor is today instead of the cheater he was two years ago.
Bri and Chris
These two crazy kids are gifted with a super fun date at your local Guitar Center. If Chris wasn’t a person who could pretty much play any instrument he picks up, this would have been an odd choice. As fate would have it, Chris is like a kid in a candy shop. Or a musician in a Guitar Center.
He knows music. She knows lyrics. He is the Hugh Grant to her Drew Barrymore. Bri possesses the ability to make up “stream-of-thought” lyrics as Chris strums his heart out while sitting on drum set stools positioned near the microphone and amplifier section. Good times.
Then they hang out on a cushy couch that the ABC Intern schlepped in from the mansion. Bri informs Chris that she was once engaged. From the ominous soundtrack, one might assume our girl Bri broke off said engagement, but one might be mistaken. As Bri stands in a wedding boutique with her mother, decked out in her white gown, she calls her fiancé to share the exciting news. It’s all downhill after you find the dress!
Unfortunately Bri’s jack wagon boyfriend tells her, “Don’t buy it.”
And that’s how Bri’s engagement ended. Huge bummer and mood killer — for normal people. Not this couple. They seize the moment and CREATE. Then they put creamer in coffee to know what pigment their babies’ skin will potentially be. PS: Bri tells Chris that she thinks she might be falling in love with him.
It only takes forty-eight hours if you’re truly listening to your heart, people.
Julia and Sheridan
Sheridan gets a date card and waits an entire breath before he asks Julia to join him at iHeartRadio. Julia is excited to get out and do musical things, but her heart (which she is listening to) is torn. From night one, Sheridan has staked his claim in Julia and she loves the attention. Because she also likes attention from Brandon, she prefers to place Sheridan in a nice gallon-sized pot on her back burner.
But this is her chance to shine in a place that brings all your favorite music, radio, and DELIGHTFUL PODCASTS for free. Of course she’s going to sing on the Val Show, which appears to be a legit media outlet. Duh.
The main guy (we’ll call him Val) asks if Sheridan and Julia would like to duet. Right now. On air. Julia struggles to keep her face from blanching. Sheridan asks if they can have a little time to collaborate.
The next thing we know, Sherds and Jules are on a small studio stage singing Maren Morris’ “Bones.” From context clues I can report that Julia totally picked this song. She knew all the words and she sang it like she’s done this a few times before. All I can say about Sherds is that he sounded great accompanying her.
The next morning as Sheridan air dries his hair on the veranda as he wrestles through some lyrics in his dream notebook, Julia walks up to have a chat. His face proves he is one smitten kitten. Those feelings, of course, are dashed when Julia tells him yesterday was super fun, but she’s still vibing with Brandon. See ya!
It’s back to the old dream journal for Sheridan. Sad face.
Savannah and Brandon
You should know that Brandon is a hot commodity. We know Julia is crushing on him while she goes out on dates with Sheridan. New girl Ruby Jane thinks he’s hot and she may have hooked up with him once upon a time in Austin. Savannah calls dibs because she gave her rose to Brandon last week and that’s practically a record deal in her mind. Even Mel comes in hot. And by “hot” I mean HOT MESS.
Poor Mel. She loves Brandon with her whole heart and she’s never felt this way before. To put it in her terms, “He makes my brain crunch and my heart feel warm.” What does that mean? Who knows, but bless her for trying to make it through one confessional without falling into a puddle of snot and tears.
Savannah picks Brandon to go on the date with her and they head out to the Dresden, which is a famous jazz club in LA. For those in the know, married couple Marty and Elayne are famed musicians who starting tickling the ivories when dirt was young and Jesus was a baby. I can confirm that Marty’s hair piece is definitely older than Jamie.
Elayne asks the crowd if anyone would like to participate in open mic night and Brandon jumps at the chance. He and Savannah sing “Fever” and were seconds away from making a baby right there in front of the entire club by the final refrain.
Chris gives his rose to Bri. No surprise there.
Trevor gives his rose to Jamie and gives Natascha the bird. No surprise there.
Rudi and Matt
Way back when this journey started (48-hours ago) you may recall that Rudi was angry at Matt for taking Mel to the Plain White T’s lawn concert. Now she’s all about the connection they had before she screwed it up. She decides to reignite that flame with Matt and wears her chartreuse sweats to do it.
Do you remember the time on New Girl when Nick wore that horrible orange-colored track suit and Schmidt said he looked like a homeless pencil? It was the same thing, but Rudi looked like a homeless glow stick.
Rudi claims Matt calms her down, which is saying a lot. She slaps him, playfully of course, then makes out with him. I think their duet next week will be stellar.
Natascha and Ryan
I know what you’re thinking. I thought it, too. Ryan also confirmed it. Why would a woman like Natascha go after a John Mayer nerd like Ryan? Natascha answers our question, promising she is all about the geeks and would like to be their queen one day.
This is what we call a puma going after the weak gazelle.
Natascha manages to unhinge her jaw and swallow half of Ryan Mayer’s face. Making sure to press her boobs up against his chest whilst doing so, Ryan gives her his rose.
Bekah and Danny
I do not expect you to know who these people are and neither do they.
Ruby Jane and Gabe
I do not expect you to know who these people are and neither do they.
Savannah and Brandon
After Mel kisses Brandon (hella awkward) and Julia tells him that she is “feeling things,” Brandon has a decision to make. He tells Julia that he’s leaning toward Savannah. After gently nudging Savannah toward the underside of a bus (allegedly Savannah isn’t genuine,) Julia wants to know if Brandon is into her at all.
He likens his relationship with Savannah to her relationship with Sheridan. Ergo, Julia is Brandon’s back burner. NO THANK YOU, SIR! Instead of politely exiting the room, she pulls a Natascha and attacks Brandon in a way that would make all pumas proud.
In the end, Brandon chooses Savannah and Julia looks dashed.
Julia and Sheridan
Never fear. It’s the back burner to the rescue! Sherds is happy to be a runner up in Julia’s world and gladly hands over his rose to the love of his life.
Sadly, this leaves Marian (new girl), poor Mel, and Cheyenne (girl who never said anything,) left out in the cold. All head to Venice Beach to sing to random people with the hope that they will make enough money for the bus back to Nashville.
Newsflash: I LOVE THIS SHOW!