Mesnick and the runner up are preggers
To quote my favorite nun:
“Let’s start at the very beginning. A very good place to start…”
Meet DDAHnna.
She was the Bachelorette for season four in 2008. She was no-nonsense, tell it like it is girl who wanted to be married five years ago. In order to avoid a lawsuit and the wrath of DDAHnna’s very large Greek father, ABC conveniently decided to give her a go at finding love on their reality show when Hotter Than Crap Brad dumped her at the Home Depot altar shortly after asking Big Pappas for her hand in marriage.
This is right before she threatened to punch him in the throat.
DDAHnna’s whirlwind romance was soon narrowed down to Jason Mesnick and Jesse. Going against all odds, she picked the snowboarder.
They lived happily ever after for about three months. He cried on YouTube about their failed engagement and she went off and married Stagliano’s twin. Jason remained devastated.
I feel I can strongly concur that no one in Bachelor Nation particularly cared that Jason was devastated by the rejection, but we were unmistakably put out when he was announced as the next Bachelor for lucky season 13. I myself deemed him “melba toast” at best. The only explanation is that his kid is straight up adorable.
Jason flutters through an entire season and ends up with Melissa and Molly as we make our way to the finale. Molly is the first to pull up in her limo and we all bid adieu as Our Host Chris Harrison leads her to the fern-filled proposal area. Jason hems, haws, throws a few compliments her way before telling her that he loves her, but he loves Melissa more. She cries, leaves in the rejection limo and Jason pulls the infamous Mesnick against the balcony.
Then he proposes to Melissa.
Our Host Chris Harrison severely pimped out the “After the Final Rose” episode, promising HUGE news. As it turns out, Jason decided to tell Melissa on national “live” television that he was just kidding about the proposal in the ferns and he would love very much like Uncle Neil’s ring back so he can go ahead and propose to Molly as soon as she is escorted from the premises.
Hooray! Now everyone’s happy!
Molly and Jason were married on television and Melissa went on to bigger and brighter things on other ABC shows:
Now Jason and Molly are expecting a baby.
No word yet if the birth will be aired “live” on ABC but there is one thing we KNOW for sure. No matter how hard you try Mesnicks…you’ll never be this:
In other news, these two yahoos broke up. She was unable to raise him up to more than he could be. Shocker.
Reading this is the most fun I’ve had all day! Thanks for posting. I love your particular style of flair and funny.
Groban and Courtney didn’t last? excuse me while I pretend to be shocked!
Your post was the perfect way to end my Friday!
Have a great weekend!
Best opening two lines of a blog post… ever! Yes… I am not singing it. Thanks. 🙂
Correction… “Yes, I am now singing it.”
Carry on.
Forgot to mention that Melissa, mesnick And ty jumped into the cement pond by the ferns
Whoa! I didn’t know about the break-up! I’ve been following Ben on Twitter for. ever. just waiting for the break-up and no news! Disappointing.
how about Emily and Jef, Lincee? You had such high hopes for them.
I can’t wait for you to make fun of the breakupees that are coming soooooon…
Love the update 🙂 Only missing info is Courtney’s date with Arie/make out session this weekend. Did not take too long to move on!
Ben’s hair is it’s own separate character, isn’t it? Thanks for the laugh today. 🙂
This was summed up per-factly!!
I saw on a website today (that I refuse to admit to reading), that Courtney is dating Ari. And that Jef and …. (forgot her name already) are getting ready to call it quits. Another one bites the dust????
Not surprised that Ben and Courtney didn’t make it. I am surprised, however, that in all the time they were “together” she never seemed to manage to get him a better haircut…
Ok, so elaborate more on CR and Groban. I heard she is with Arie! What? And JH and Emily split?
I’m late to the party reading this post, but what a great read for a crappy Monday! You are HILARIOUS Lincee!! Thank you!!!
I am actually surprised Groban and Courtney lasted this long! And, Emily and One F Jef have supposedly bit the dust. And, another Bachelorette wedding Lincee – Five-Head and JT will be getting married live on ABC – it will be the most dramatic wedding ever!
p.s Did you see that OHCH hung out with the Bieb’s mom? What up with that?