My eyes. MY EYES!

Remember that Friends episode where Ross tries to get Ugly Naked Guy’s apartment? The one where Phoebe and Rachel go with him and see Monica and Chandler “doing it” up against the window?

Let me refresh your memory. Pay close attention to Phoebe’s reaction right around the 50 second mark:

Dear reader. That is how I felt last night while I was watching Jake dance. I was at my friend Caroline’s house and when Jake’s music started and he slid across the floor, Caroline just kept pointing and saying something along the lines of, “NONONONONONONONONONO…” I, on the other hand, kept yelling, “He’s in his underwear. HE’S IN HIS UNDERWEAR!”

Of course, neither of us could look away from the train wreck and eventually, the memory was burned inside our brains forever.

Sometimes at night when I close my eyes, I can still see the tighty whities.

Needless to say, we were in shock. I’m fumbling around shouting, “MY EYES! MY EYES!” while Caroline stares in awe at the TV shaking her head mumbling questions under her breath like, “Why Chelsie? Why would you do that to us?” and “Was that necessary?” and “Will I ever be the same?”

Clearly tonight was Jake’s exhibition episode. He was all sorts of halfway naked throughout the entire spot. In the rehearsal package when Chelsie announced that they would be doing Risky Business for their movie theme, Jake proudly told the camera that he has been told he looks like Tom Cruise. Then he flashed a grin, told the camera guy to hold on for 10 minutes while he made a call.

A quick punch of speed dial #2 on his trusty cell phone and Jake is speaking directly to the ABC intern who is currently on location for Ali’s season. Fortunately, he was in LA at a Dollar Store getting buckets, shovels and tiki torches for Ali’s one-on-one date with Bachelor Ted that night and agreed to secure a volleyball for Jake. He ran it by the Dancing with the Stars dance studio before heading back to Ali’s mansion in Beverly Hills.

Jake trots off to his “motorcycle” and gets his aviator sunglasses and favorite pair of worn-out jeans.

Because you never know when you are going to have to create a moment from your favorite movie Top Gun.

And let the record show that I’m pretty sure he had on red Asics cheerleading shoes.

Jake saunters in the studio without a shirt on while tossing the volleyball up in the air. Chelsie reminds him that he is impersonating the wrong movie and demands he gets his head in the game and learns the cha-cha. She tells Jake he thinks too much and encourages him to not be so analytical.

Jake: I know Chelsie. You don’t have time to think up here. When you think, you’re dead.

Chelsie: What do you mean “up here?”

Jake: You can be my wing man anytime.

Chelsie: Your what? Look Jake. I’m running the show here.

Jake: I feel the need…

Chelsie: There’s no time Jake. I’m not going to get Vienna.

Jake: I feel the need

Chelsie: [rolls her eyes]

Jake: I FEEL THE NEED…

Chelsie: …The need for speed. Can we practice now?

Jake: Negative Ghost Rider, the pattern is full.

Chelsie stabs the volleyball with one of the pins holding her new black hair extensions and walks away for some alone time. Jake takes off his pants and practices his slide.

I remember some parts of the dance. I remember feeling a mixture of confusion and utter relief when Chelsie hands Jake a pair of pants to put on at the beginning of the number. And then I don’t remember anything else. Because I was blind.

According to the judges, Jake had his best routine. Bruno was disappointed he put his pants back on. I’m happy he did, otherwise there could have been a major wardrobe malfunction in which Little Maverick made an appearance. He even beat Maks and Erin and Pamela and Australian Guy. I’m pretty sure he was in third place which is a mystery to me.

What do you guys think? Was I totally off? Should I re-watch the show now that I know what’s coming? Why was Kate wearing a prom dress that Watercolor Barbie would have worn if there was such a Barbie? Do you think Nicole is going to win? Do you love Evan’s sweet answers in the Celebuquarium?

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75 Comments on "My eyes. MY EYES!"

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A
A

The BEST part was when Jake said this: “I think I finally felt that in my cha cha and I really hope it comes out tonight” …..

Insert Jim Halpert face here

Lorraine
Lorraine

Thank goodness I missed it. I haven’t seen any of hi unfortunate dances because I have an exercise calss that is at the same time. Why are people still voting for this guy? I really want him off my TV already.

Ryce
Ryce

I had the same response! screamed, shrieked NO, covered my eyes, and then peeked through my fingers to gratefully find Jake thankfully with pants once more. What were they thinking? and sorry Jake, you are just a bit too cheesy to pull of Tom Cruise cool.

baseballmama
baseballmama

Risky Business, HMmm isn’t that the one with tom cruise in his undies. Surely not. Oh no OH NOOOO> Iwas so terribly embarrassed for him, but apparently he isn’t smart enough to be embarrassed for himself. And hes been told he looks like Tom Cruise? Even if you thought it, dont say it on national TV. They are both Short and they have cheesy fake smiles but thats about it. I can’t even remember the rest of the show. I think my brain shut down after that.

Claire
Claire

I had the SAME reaction. Posted on FB “Jake did NOT just do that on TV.” The bad part was I was expecting Lennie to say “That was pure silly; not dancing at all.” but they all praised him. OMG. The ABC Intern must have paid off the judges. I wish kate would get voted off already. It’s painful to watch her.

Suzie
Suzie

I cant stand another night of Jake Pavelka on my TV!!! Did anyone notice at the beginning of the show when they introduced the couples and they said Jake and Chelsie he was way ahead of her like he couldn’t wait to get the camera on him and didnt even walk down the stairs next to her? Everyone else walks in as a couple but not Jake because it’s ALL about Jake.
His arrogance is unbelievable. “Alot of people tell me I look like Tom Cruise”…who says that on national TV unless they’re so full of themselves they dont even realize how egotistical they sound.
I didnt need to see him in his underwear…I cant believe the judges didnt think it was a ridiculous stunt. Unfortunately I think they’ve fallen for his fake “I’m such a great guy with so much enthusiasm for the show” act. He is enthusiastic because he has nothing else going on in his life but to seek out “fame” on reality TV.
As pathetic as Kate is, I’m just praying it’s Jake’s turn to go home tonight. Or maybe a double elimination…Kate and Jake.
I hope Nicole doesnt win; her attitude bugs me.

marla
marla

TOTALLY agree. totally. it was painful. and i really think she can’t stand jake!! it’s hilarious! she never looks at him, and she always seems annoyed with him. to quote one of the other losers on the bacehlorette, he’s such a cheese a$$. 🙂 and i mean that from the bottom of my heart.

canuckgirl
canuckgirl

I was stunned when the judges praised Jake’s dance – I was still squinting and moaning in pain and disbelief – it was cheese-assy to the max and just wrong, wrong, bad and wrong! Please stop him and stop the voting!!!!

kal
kal

could not watch…hiding behind pillows. i am pretty sure that he and tom cruise have their height in common…vertically challenged.

A
A

Suzie- and he was walking so fast he tripped and almost fell down the rest of the stairs!

Pam
Pam

There were so many cheesy Jake moments last night that I dont have the time to even list them but I am so over seeing his fakey smile and cocky attitude and his references to his job (really??) as a pilot. It is now clear to me that in his delusional brain he truly thinks he is the next Tom Cruise and thats why he’s desperately seeking fame, thinking he’s just one step away from being a serious star. The judges should have called him out for such a silly attention grabbing start to their performance. I dont know why he is still on the show but hope he goes soon..

Anne
Anne

Jake is a LOSER!! Who would go on national TV in their underwear??? I cant stand him!
I dont like Nicole. Her attitude sucks.
Evan is such a gentleman and is so humble even though he just won a gold medal in the Olympics! How refreshing.

Jill
Jill

Evan and Anna are by far the classiest and best couple on the show. They dont rely on gimmicks to grab attention to themselves, they just do a beautiful job and dance to the song they’re given. Isnt this a dance competition, not trying to act out a person or a part from the movie of your song?? Jake is pathetic and so into himself he has no idea how ridiculous he comes across. He should be sooo embarrassed…….

saggleo
saggleo

#5 – Claire said – The bad part was I was expecting Lennie to say “That was pure silly; not dancing at all.”

Carrie
Carrie

Jake is a celebrity whore…he twitters his every move to get the paparazzi following him and Vienna so they can pose for pictures and get more publicity. It was bad enough to see him on the Bachelor(twice!) but now to have to see him on my favorite show,DWTS,is more then I can handle!! Last night was awful….coming out in his underwear??? Gee, I wonder who’s idea that was? Poor Chelsie…

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