My first retraction

Exactly one week ago, I posted my first of many “Great Debate” sections of my blog [WEBSITE]. (See below or click GREAT DEBATE in category column to the right.) My high school friend Chance and I pondered one of the most disputed questions of all time: What would you consider the top five Michael Jackson songs? From the numerous comments that followed that entry, I can see that many of you too ponder this question.

It was earlier this week that I received an email from Chance, clearly stating that he had been misrepresented. The message read:

“I feel so betrayed. I thought your blog [WEBSITE] was a cyber place your readers and friends could go to be happy and give the [CENSORED] sites a rest. Who knew it was just another venue for lies and smear campaigns? The real issue was whether “Smooth Criminal” belongs in the top five. It does not. But I’m willing to let you believe it does without publicly announcing your drug addiction. On the other hand, you have lost all credibility for proposing a MJ top five that doesn’t include “Billie Jean.” Anyway, what I had said was that I think I could name 10 (or maybe it was 15) MJ songs that were better than “Smooth Criminal.” As it turns out, I can name 10 that are unequivocally better:

Billie Jean
Man in the Mirror
Human Nature
The Way You Make Me Feel/Will You Be There (Tie)
We Are the World (yes MJ gets credit since he helped organize it and co-wrote it)
Beat It
Wanna Be Startin’ Somethin’

But I also believe that “Black or White” is better and I do not apologize for that. That’s light years from putting it in the top five (apparently five songs = light years). And I can list a number of other songs that arguably outrank “Smooth Criminal.”

I Just Can’t Stop Lovin’ You
Rock with You
The Girl is Mine
Another Part of Me
Bad (okay, I’m just being tacky now)
Dirty Diana
You Are Not Alone (this is clearly a joke)
Who is It (now I’m just naming every MJ song I can remember)
Rockin’ Rob…(never mind)

I enjoy debating such critical questions and would have loved to engage you on the other big issues, such as:

1. What superstars, if any, belong in the all-time top tier with Elvis and the Beatles?
2. How do you feel about the war?
3. Britney: better bald, blonde or brunette?
4. Top five eighties movies of all time?
5. Water boarding…fun or not?
6. In what year did it become not-gay to like Justin Timberlake?

But since I can’t trust you not to throw me under the bus and mischaracterize my every word, I think our debating days are over. I almost posted this on your blog [WEBSITE] to clear my good name, but I didn’t want to make you look bad in front of your readers. Love, Chance”

Dearest Chance,

Clearly a retraction is in order. So sorry that thousands of people found out that you indeed like “Black or White” but would not place it in your top five of all time. And I’m sorry that I said you were on crack for not liking “Smooth Criminal” even though it is one of the best songs ever.

And I am also sorry if it embarrasses you that I posted a picture of us in high school for all the world to see.

Your BFF,


(Yes I have on orange sandals. The 90s were rockin’!


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