The oldies station

Shazam

I recently overheard a young girl refer to Houston’s local Lite-FM-Easy-Listening-Safe-For-Work radio station as “oldies.” I chuckled under my breath, blessed her sweet heart in my mind and fought hard not to turn around and lecture her on pop music nowadays and how it’s fundamentally impossible for me to believe that Ludacris and Pitbull can be featured in so many songs.

I was also a touch annoyed by the way this darling whipper snapper threw around the word “oldies” like she really knew what it meant. I have an entire playlist on iTunes that is dedicated to oldies. It’s full of Buddy Holly, Dion, the entire Dirty Dancing soundtrack and a ton of boy/girl groups that put “the” in front of a random noun.

The Four Seasons, The Four Tops, The Dixie Cups, The Drifters and The Ronettes.

When I got into my car, I turned on Sunny 99.1 to see what was playing. HELLO MADONNA! And I’m not talking about her new random stuff that makes me concerned for my well-being. I’m talking about vintage “True Blue” Madonna! I sang every word. It was glorious.

I was wrapping up the final, “True love. Oh baby. True love. Oh baby,” as the DJ morphed right into freaking “Total Eclipse of the Heart!” I was in heaven. Bonnie Tyler’s raspy voice. The crescendos! And what’s this? POISON! Why yes, I would like for you to give me something to believe in!

Just as Bret was about to do that little “huh” before the last chorus, a strange question creeped into my subconscious. When did this song come out?

I need you to prepare yourself for the rest of this post. It’s going to be a tough read, but we’ll get through it together. I promise.

Poison’s “Something To Believe In” came out in 1990. That was 24 years ago.

I’ll give you a moment to digest that sentence.

A quick Google search slapped me in the face with these cold hard truths:

Madonna’s “True Blue” came out in 1986. Ronald Reagan was president.
Bonnie Tyler’s “Total Eclipse of the Heart” came out in 1983. A tank of gas was $0.90.
The Boss’ “Dancing in the Dark” was in 1984. Another five years, and Taylor Swift will be born.
Dexy’s Midnight Runners’ “Come On Eileen” came out in 1982. That was the year Brooke didn’t let anyone between her and her Calvins.

Are we still breathing? In through the nose. Out through the mouth.

Here’s the real question. How many (groan) decades must go by before said decade is considered a candidate for the oldies group? I’m going to go out on a limb and say three decades is the oldies mark. That gives me a few more years before I have to start stashing Werther’s in my robe pocket and yelling for kids to get off my lawn.

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