People’s 2015 Sexiest Man Alive: My thoughts

David Beckham is People‘s Sexiest Man Alive. I understand the bad-boy, tattoo covered, perfectly coiffed, facial scruff draw of David. Truly I do. He is definitely a strong choice for a candidate of the Sexiest Man Alive. What I don’t understand is why Ryan Gosling wasn’t featured in one of the secondary spreads?

It baffles me.

Especially since the writers featured campy sub-features like, “Animal Magnetism.” It’s basically a bunch of hot guys who love their dog. May I present Exhibit A. There’s also a section called “Shirtless O’Clock.” I’ll see your Shemar Moore and raise you a GOSLING!

Ryan Gosling

In 2011, I halfway praised People Magazine for getting it right by showcasing my beloved Bradley Cooper on the cover. Then in 20012, I started a letter writing campaign. I guess I was so disturbed that it didn’t work in 2013 (kudos to Adam Levine) that I completely blocked out Chris Hemsworth’s reign in 2014.

One of my favorite sections of the Sexiest Man Alive edition is the part where they show sexy celebrities at every age. I like to see which ones are in my bracket. It’s important that I recognize them in case they want to go ahead and start falling in love with me. I also like to peruse the other decades so I can be in the know. It’s equally important to understand who the kids are talking about these days.

Here’s what I learned from this year’s “Sexy at Every Age” feature on page 104:

People's Sexiest Man Alive

21: Ansel Elgort — I cry every time I see his face. I tear up partly because the Divergent movies are so bad, and also because he was so sweet in The Fault in Our Stars.

24: Ed Sheeran — This is news to me. I would have thought Eddie was in his late 20s. While he is still obviously a boy, he sings like a man. And he could easily be a Weasley if another Harry Potter film is in the works.

25: The Weekend — I thought The Weekend was a band. Interesting. Also, I think I’m going to try and put “The” in front of my name for a week and see if it takes.

28: Kit Harington — I see you Jon Snow. (Fun fact: I’ve never watched one second of Game of Thrones, yet I know who this dude is. Gotta keep my finger on the pulse, people!)

30: Theo James — You’re the best thing about the Divergent movies, Theo. You are the reason we all go to the actual movie. Gazing at your rugged face 20-feet up in the air definitely trumps RedBox.

31: Prince Harry — He is my favorite of the royals. Toddler George comes in a close second, followed by Charlotte of course.

32: Robert Kazinsky — I didn’t know this guy, but he’s definitely on my radar now.

35: GOSLING — This is all we get. A tiny little headshot. BLASPHEMY!

39: Benedict Cumberbatch — Who is counting down the days until Sherlock returns?

43: Scott Foley — Noel doesn’t seem to age. Dare I say he gets more handsome as time goes by?

47: Terry Crews — Hilarious AND good looking. A winning combination.

50: Robert Downey, Jr. — I love this guy. Fabulous at 50.

52: Dermot Mulroney — Dermot is the face behind every romantic comedy I’ve loved in the last 20 years. This includes the times I get him confused with Dylan McDermott.

54: Dylan McDermott — See #52

55: Colin Firth — MR. DARCY!

57: Kevin Bacon — Someone call People Magazine. They got it wrong. There’s no way The Bacon is 57-years-old.

 

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