Last week I unplugged my phone after it was fully charged. Thirty minutes later, it died. I visited my local Apple bar and a hipster dude wearing a skull cap in the heat of August told me it would be several hours before they could assess my situation after he looked at me with a questionable smirk when I told him yes, I had powered off and back on again.

Geniuses. They don’t trust the common folk.

I decided to go to Best Buy because an employee with huge ear gauges told me that Apple is a “partner” carrier who might be able to help me in a more timely manner. Thanks girl! And I’m sorry for staring at your ears for so long. I was just wondering if I could fit my finger through your ear holes. No biggie.

At Best Buy, one of the Geek Squad members ran a full diagnostic on my phone. To no one’s surprise, my battery was dead. He said he could get me a new one and asked me to return in about an hour. I paid for the battery and asked the darling Geek if he could text me when my phone was ready.

Geek: “Well m’am. I’ll have your phone, soooooo no.”

Touché Geek!

There’s a Target near Best Buy and since the big red bullseye draws me in a like a bargain moth to a Dollar Spot flame, I decided to get lost in the store for precisely fifty-four minutes. I dug through my purse to pull out my phone so I could set a timer, freaked out that my phone was missing, and then realized that Geek had my phone.

Here’s what else I tried to do with my phone while in Target:

  • Punch in directions to Google maps for my next destination since I had never been where I was going.
  • Shazam a song playing through the speakers.
  • Call Mama.
  • Text Jamie.
  • Check the time.
  • Text my roommate to see if she needed anything from Target.
  • Listen to the Popcast podcast because Knox and Jamie are my favorites and I feel like I need to check on them like imaginary friends.
  • Take a picture of a FUR LINER for kids’ lockers.
  • Instagram a picture of a FUR LINER for kids’ lockers.
  • Check the time again.
  • Figure out my exact savings on a pillow (35% off) with the calculator.
  • Check to see if that person had emailed me back yet.
  • Panicked three more times wondering what I had done with my phone.
  • Felt a phantom vibration twice in the side pocket of my purse.
  • Newsflash: My phone was not there.

The good news is that I was able to relax and enjoy a new 80s/90s radio station as I drove back to Best Buy in five o’clock Houston traffic. While I was off the grid, I sang along with:

  • UB40 abut red, red wine
  • Cher turning back time
  • Madonna cherishing things
  • Alanis with one hand in her pocket
  • Michael Jackson beating it
  • Steve Perry and a girl named Sherrie
  • The Steve Miller Band and that pesky Joker
  • The Backstreet Boys wanting it that way

I actually took these notes down with old school pen and paper since I didn’t have access to electronic note app. It was glorious. Try it today. Put the phone in a drawer for an hour and enjoy the freedom of a digital-free life.

Or write down everything you want to do with your phone and email me so we can bond.

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3 years ago

Girl–I’m old school when it comes to taking notes! I even do all my corporate safety audits with a pen and paper! And Sundays are my day off from most electronics–no computer and I don’t use my phone except to clear out emails.

3 years ago

I can’t wait to experience your day this week. My iPhone 6 has been acting up: dying by the end of the day, and when I hold it to my ear, all folks sound like they are in a tin can across a very large room. I can’t wait to take my phone to Best Buy (thanks for passing on the tip) and attempt to be phoneless.

Fur locker liner

3 years ago
Reply to  Heather

And apparently, because I’m holding my phone as we speak, I assumed that emojis translate to the comments! So “fur locker liner” had a laugh w/tears emoji. And UB40 had a glass of red wine and a praise hands emoji

Kara Kaess
Kara Kaess
3 years ago

I always feel like I’m lost without my phone. It’s like a part of me is missing. I love the songs you heard especially the backstreet boys! Although nsync will always be my fav

Laura Jean
3 years ago

I recently told my husband how I hate that my phone is like an appendage… and yet it’s by my bedside at night. These days…

Anyway, I love this. I need to start writing on paper to show my kids that said method actually works for…you know, life!

3 years ago

I don’t know how many times I’ve freaked out, thinking my phone is LOST! However, instead of leaving it with Geek Squad, I’ll find it in the hands of my 13 year old…(who is one of my unpaid in-house IT people) …because I FORGOT that I had given it to her to help me decipher the inner-workings of some wonky setting I’d mysteriously changed! You can take the paper and pencil away from the girl….LOL!!

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