Season 7 initial thoughts…love the gloss he’s wearing!

Hello my dear readers.  It’s that time again.  Season 7 of the Bachelorette is upon us and I can’t believe that MONDAY is the big day in which Ashley Herbert will scoff at the six weeks she foolishly allowed herself to fall in love with Hotter Than Crap Brad Womack.  This brunette bombshell is the conductor of her own reality show train wreck bound for an amazing journey of love.  Blond Ashley is soooo yesterday.

As many of you know, each season I try to stay away from all spoilers.  A few years ago, I started a tradition in which I allow myself to peruse the Bachelor section of the ABC website and see who makes an impression based solely on their headshots and bio.  I only look at them once and I choose Ashley’s top suitors from 30 seconds of research.

My claim to fame is Cape Cod Chris.  I had him pegged when I saw his bright orange periodic chart t-shirt.  Let’s hear if for nerd love my friends!

After clicking on the bio tab, you can imagine my surprise when I was assaulted by a bunch of metrosexual looking Bachelors in tangerine-colored button down shirts, flawless spray tans, glimmering perfect teeth and glossy lips that I would give my eye teeth to know the make and color.   Even without clicking on Frank’s face to study his magnificent eyeliner up close, I knew what my fellow blogger Some Guy In Austin was talking about:

Look, I doubt that ALL of these guys are gay, but come on. As I looked through the pictures, I could almost hear the Maroon 5 playing in the background. I’m surprised that half these guys didn’t answer “Anderson Cooper” when asked who they admire most. Pastel shirts? Plump Red Lips? Tanning cream? Either something is super gay in Denmark or the airbrush ABC used to tighten up the headshots was inadvertently locked on the Ricky Martin setting.

Well said my friend.  Here’s hoping the dude who has two chihuahuas finds love with the hair dresser or the guy who would prefer to wear a tuxedo every day.  Truly…that would be the most dramatic season ever.  We can only hope.  I wish them well.

Here are six guys that stuck out to me in some form or fashion:

Blake

Blake is a dentist.  Teeth and dentist stuff freaks me out, sure, but I’m willing to bet that the ABC intern is already on the record on my behalf requesting that these two crazy kids have a “clean off” with two of the other Bachelors.  Perhaps when he exits the limo, he’ll give her a toothbrush with his name and digits on the handle like my dentist gives me.  I’m calling it!  He also reminds me of Kirk from Ali’s Bachelorette season.  I always had a special spot for him with the whole mold scare.  Live Strong Kirk.

Bentley

Okay.  I’ll be honest.  I’ve heard from a few people that something is up with this guy.  I don’t care to know the details, but I knew something was fishy when I studied this picture.  He’s a businessman.  Wearing a ill-fitting quilted flannel shirt.  And his name is Bentley.  I’d be willing to bet his last name is Hayden and he’s hiding a six string under his bed.

Mickey

I would totally annoy Mickey if I were the Bachelorette.  Because I couldn’t hold it in.  Whenever I saw him, I’d say:

OH MICKEY YOU’RE SO FINE
YOU’RE SO FINE YOU BLOW MY MIND
HEY MICKEY [clap clap, clap clap] HEY MICKEY

I imagine he’ll stay around because he’s a chef and that sounds glamorous.

Jeff

I just don’t know about Jeff here.  Sure he’s a 35-year-old entrepreneur, but his personality seems so abrupt.  I mean everything is either black or white with this guy.  He seems empty to me, but the void may be totally attractive to Ashley.  Then again, she may see straight through him.

Nick

You know how I love a good set of abs.  Therefore, Nick here had me at “personal trainer.”  Then he lost me with that soul patch under his bottom lip.  Then he had me at “jeans, cowboy boots, country music, good friends…”  Then he lost me at line dancing. Then he had me at New York Yankees.  Here’s hoping he has to take his shirt off to show Ashley his new tattoo.

William

I think William is darling.  I kept trying to place him in an episode of Grey’s Anatomy as a charming doctor from across the country who came in to fix the innards of some little kid because Seattle Grace doesn’t have an innard specialist.  Or I tried to put him in The Social Network as the older, wiser, just-as-if-not-hotter brother of the Winklevoss twins.  Finally, I figured out who William reminds me of — he’s a younger version of my beloved Josh Lucas of the famed Sweet Home Alabama.  Therefore, I will root for him with reckless abandon.

Let me hear from you guys.  Who do you think is a good match for Ash?  Who do you think is a total chach?  Who will come out to Our Host Chris Harrison in the opening night cocktail party?  Sound off in the comments section.  I’ll see you guys next week!

All about the shame, not the fame,

Lincee

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