I know. I know. There really are no words. But if I had to choose one or two that immediately came to mind, they would be Chach and pineapple. I’m just saying.

2. Do you beLEEve?

I truly believe that Mama Sox would have experienced a nervous breakdown had she been the new cog in the well-oiled American Idol machine. Sweet little Lee from the paint shop had zero chance to land a contract after he totally choked on Tuesday night. Crystal is going to be fine. Someone smart and talented will whip Lee into shape as soon as he removes all 9 million pieces of confetti from his hair and wardrobe.

Due to aforementioned time constraints, I’ll sum up the rest of the night with a beta cap:

School girl skirt wearing, Alice cooper eyelining, KRIS ALLEN emoting, Brother’s Gibb snoozing, Lincee fast forwarding, Big Mike waving, Big Mike dramatizing, Lincee fast forwarding, Dane Cook embarrassing, Simon fun poking, top 9 women belting, Christina Aguilera balladeering, Lincee clapping, Lincee iTune purchasing, top 6 men Hall and Oating, Lincee fast forwarding, Crystal and Alanis wandering, “You Oughtta Knowing”, Lincee loudly singing, Lincee rewinding, Lincee again singing, Carrie Underwood u-u-u-u-u-u-undoing, Lincee clapping, Lincee iTunes purchasing, Casey James bleeting, awesome song ruining, Brett Michaels appearing, awesome song rejuvenating, Lee and Chicago collaborating, Lincee fast forwarding, Pants on the Grounding, Lincee’s eyes rolling, Lincee fast forwarding, Idol past winner gathering, Lincee fist pumping, Miss Jackson lip syncing, uncomfortable Joe Cockering, Crystal freakin’ rocking, Paul Abdul looking stunning and Lee DeWyze winning.

3. Ga-Ga Glee
Finn pulling off a red leather shower curtain to make his Lady Ga Ga costume was hot. Hey. He’s like 35 in real life or something. Don’t judge.

4. So You Think You Can Dance?
I KNOW I can dance. Pay no attention to the attractive scars on my knee. It’s a shark bite. The story is riveting. I’ll tell you one day.

My favorite show of all time is coming back TONIGHT! Set your DVRs!

Sound off in the comments section. What did you think about Jake and Vienna? Was ABC serious or poking fun? Any recommendations on how to get that image out of my head? Was Lee the true winner of AI? Was Ga Ga Glee one of your favorites? Or is Madonna still the best episode to date? Anyone know anything about fast moving land rigs? I only need 1,500 words. Help.

1.  GLEE

I’ve discovered two of my friends do not watch this show.  It has become my own personal mission to convert them immediately.  I’m going to hand out complimentary first-half-season DVDs for the next major holiday.  Nothing says HAPPY MEMORIAL DAY like those GLEE kids.  Last night’s episode’s theme was clearly about home.  And I was beginning to get a little concerned when Motley Crue’s  “Home Sweet Home” was not featured.  But thanks to one of the  scenes from the oh my awesomeness 80s roller rink, I believe I heard it in the background.   Motley Crue…roller skates…Mr. Shu?  Simply priceless.

2.  Dancing with the Stars

I have to admit that it’s bittersweet to see Twinkle Toes go home.  It was nice that he personally thanked Texas.  Not quite sure why he gave a specific shout out to Canada.  One can only assume it was a subliminal last attempt to profess his love to Jillian.  We all expected the tears to come flowing and we were not disappointed.  The best part was Chelsie’s face when Jake told her he loved her, then remembered he wasn’t on the Bachelor and politely thanked her for “being so nice to my beautiful fiance.”  As many of you pointed out, there was sadly no balcony for Jake to pull a Mesnick, but when you are sporting a black, silk, plunging V-neck long sleeve blouse and a bit of shiny sequence on your pants, there’s really no need for a balcony, is there?

3.  American Idol

I’ve always loved Shania Twain.  Other than the spoken part about Brad Pitt in that one song, I pretty much enjoy all of her stuff.  But last night was a bit of a snoozer for me.  Guest Blogger Kyle had a different opinion.  Here’s a message I received from him last night after the show:

“This may have been the best show of all season.  There really wasn’t a bad performance.  Except Siobhan.  She scares me.  And she managed to ruin one of my favorite songs from high school.  My favorites in order were Lee, Casey, Aaron, Crystal, Big Mike and Siobhan.  I think America will vote that Aaron goes home.  Big Mike and Siobhan in the bottom with him.”

I might have to agree with America sending High School Student Aaron home tonight.  What do you guys think?  Were you bored like me or entertained like Kyle?  Were you glad to see Jake leave or would you have given your right arm to see him attempt the rhumba with Chelsie?  And finally, can someone confirm that I did hear “Home Sweet Home” on Glee last night?

If you don’t know what song I’m talking about, I both feel sorry for you and would like to school you in the brilliance of hair bands at their finest.  Behold:

You can thank me later for that clip.

I was PUMPED because this was the Madonna episode.  Pure genius.  So much anticipation.  Finally!  I’m home!  I push play!  And prepare for some cone bras and virgin talk.

And there’s Ryan Seacrest telling me how to vote for High School Student Aaron.

What the what???

I check to make sure I didn’t accidentally hit American Idol on my DVR playlist.  Because Lord knows Glee trumps Idol during this BORING season.

Sure enough.  It was Glee.

Then the doom set in.  I knew…just KNEW that beloved DVR would not know to keep recording after the 9:00 p.m. mark.  And he didn’t.

I, along with half of America, became furious at the realization that New Direction’s version of “Like a Prayer” was lost somewhere in the television airwaves.  It’s probably between my couch cushions living with that lost sock and Pringles crumbs.

So for everyone who got ripped off the final three minutes of Glee last night, this clip is for you.  Or you can head on over to Hulu to watch the entire episode.  I dare you to NOT get chills when the choir joins the cast on stage.

As you all know, I have a real job and it sometimes gets in the way of me sharing my rambling and opinions about nothing as much as I would like.  Not that I’m complaining…several of my best posts are direct results of things I experience while on the job.  See here, here and here.

With that said, days…weeks…even months may go by and one day I realize that we’ve never discussed something or someone in pop culture that was newsworthy enough to stop me in my tracks and take notice.

Case in point? 

Glee.

How have we not talked about this?

I must have been in their perfect demographic range or something, because I was intrigued the minute FOX started pimping out this new show about Glee Club during American Idol commercial breaks.  In fact, I was so much the perfect demo, that I stopped my DVR in the middle of fast forwarding because I spotted something that looked to be musical theater. 

Oh how I love musical theater.  Although Hallsville High School did not have a Glee Club, the theater department did perform musicals each fall.  I’ll have you know that you are currently reading the words of Cha Cha Digregorio…the best dancer at St. Bernadette’s.  I’m just saying.

Since I was watching the season finale of American Idol live, I was delighted to find out that Glee debuted immediately following. 

It’s your typical high school storyline:  Teacher was Glee back in the day and wants to resurrect it.  Drama queen, diva girl, weird girl, nerd and gay guy are the only ones that sign-up.  Teacher hears football star singing in the shower after practice one day and tricks him into signing up.  (Of course, it turns out he begins to secretly loves Glee and wonders how this will go over with his buddies on the team.) 

I have to admit, it was a slow start for me.  But I stuck with it.  And this was the pièce de résistance.

Don’t stop believing in this show people.