iHateGreenBeans

I can not begin to explain to you how sorry I am that I did not write a blog last week. I am sure Lincee told you, but Adam as a mentor really rocked my world and it took me a while to rebound from that. Once I picked myself off the floor, dusted of my knickers, and cleared my vision, it was this Tuesday and I was watching this week’s Idol.

My only hope is that you will forgive me. Because if Danny Tanner can forgive Michelle after destroying a dinosaur structure at a museum (Side note 1: Feel free to jump to the 8:00 minute mark below.) (Side note 2: Why did it just take me six tries to spell museum correctly?), then I hope the four people that read this can muster up a simple, “That’s okay little buddy!”

Here is what we missed last week. It will be short and to the point:

Adam was a good mentor.

There. I said it. He was a good mentor. I liked that he offered decent advice. I like that he told them if they were boring. He told it like it was and I respected that about him. So I will admit I was wrong, and Adam actually did a good job as a mentor. Do I still think he is one of the top four weirdest people on the planet? Yes. But he did a good job.

I have said this before, but the show is so below par that it is being judged by sub-par standards. The judges realize the talent is not there, so they are judging it on a pretty big bell curve.

KYLE’S HONESTY CORNER
Dear friends. It is time to step into my little corner and for me to be honest with you.

IT IS SO HARD FOR ME TO WRITE SOMETHING ABOUT THE SHOW. I feel relieved getting that off my chest. I am mustering up so much stuff and thank heavens God blessed me with the most random, imaginative mind. Because if not? Here is what my blog would read about the previous two weeks.

Lee and Crystal are head and shoulders above anyone else in the competition. They are one and two. There are no other places. If you do not believe me, then you have not been watching the show this year. You for sure did not watch the previous two episodes, because they were in a different league. If you don’t agree with me, that is fine. You are entitled to you opinion. However, you are wrong.

KYLE’S HONESTY CORNER OVER

Since last week, we said bye to Katie, Andrew and Tim. I am just going to talk about the contestants still in the show, if that is okay.

I mean, I can find something to say about those three if you like:

Katie – In over her head. Give her a few more years and she would have been ready for the show and probably performed well.

Andrew – Had two good performances and was still in the running only because the lack of talent this year.

Tim – Was in it because of the website www.VotefortheWorst.com.

Here is the order for the rest of the show:

BIG MIKE
Song choices: “In the Ghetto” and “Hero”
Neither were bad, but neither were great. I think he is on his last leg. He has a good voice, but will not last long. I really think he will be gone this next week. Poor guy can not keep up with the rest of the group. He has one of the top four voices, but he will not get the votes.

SIOBHAN
Song choices: “Suspicious Minds” and “When You Believe”
“Suspicious Minds” is one of my favorite Elvis songs and she managed to ruin it for me. She actually butchered both songs. She did her best at making me slowly hate them forever.

You’ve heard the phrase, “It’s like a trainwreck and I can’t take my eyes off.” right? Siobhan is becoming like that for me. It reminds me of how I feel about the E! network. Now before you judge me, let me explain.

Most mornings I go to the gym to work out. I usually find the treadmill right in front of the TV with ESPN and it keeps me entertained whilst I run. For some reason the past few weeks, the TVs have been turned to the E! channel and it makes me nauseous. I literally can not take my eyes off of the shows. The Kardashians? Kendra? Pretty Crazy? I really think you have a group of executives sitting around the room asking themselves, “Who can we get American to watch if we follow them around with a camera? What’s that? There’s a family of all girls who no one knows anything about, three of them are younger than 21, and we get to watch them gripe about not having enough things to do on a Saturday night until they decide to sit in their lush hot tub? Mark it down! It’s our next big hit.”

What is our world coming to?

CASEY
Song choices: “Lawdy Miss Clawdy” and “Don’t Stop”
“Don’t Stop” is one of my favorite all time songs and I figured he was going to ruin it. He has the cougar votes, so that will get him fairly far. He will not win because he will not put his guitar down and show us his voice. If he does that, he may have a chance. Until then, he will not do much.

AARON
Song Choices: “Blue Suede Shoes” and “I Believe I Can Fly”
The poor guy is in the show way too early in his life. If he would have waited three years, he would have done an awesome job. He has the voice. He has the like-ability. But poor man looks more awkward on the stage than Ashley Simpson did on her infamous Saturday Night Live performance.

CRYSTAL
Song Choices: “Saved” and “People Get Ready”
There’s not a whole lot I can say about her. She is awesome. So much pure, raw talent and it is so fun to watch. She knows what she wants to sing. She is being herself and she is able to sing anything she wants. Like Simon said, I am glad she is showing some emotion because for a while she acted like she didn’t want to be on the show. And we all know that America connects with emotion.

LEE
Song Choices: “A Little Less Conversation” and “The Boxer”
He makes the songs so new. If you had not heard of “The Boxer” before, you would think it was a brand new song—not a classic late 60s early 70s recording. I think his performance was better than Crystals, but I think people will like Crystal’s more because of her emotion she put into it. Regardless, they are the top two. If not, then this show has totally lost me.

At the end of Tuesday’s show, I texted Lincee and said, “If that Idol didn’t show you that Lee and Crystal and far superior to EVERYONE else, than you are an idiot.”

GLEE SIDEBAR
There are a few things that got me through Idol this week. One was the Jaws/Lemonade commercial, I think I actually spent more time watching it than Idol.

The other thing was the knowledge that Glee was returning. My love for Glee is something that might be considered unhealthy to some. It is the best show on TV now, and so much fun to watch. If you have not watched it, please record next weeks. Or go on to Hulu and watch all that you can, because it is pure and raw talent.

This last episode proved something that I have always believed in: There are a few things in life that I think, when added to something, make them instantly better.

1. Head Country BBQ

Straight out of Ponca City, Oklahoma. If you have never tried it, than I just plain feel sorry for you, because it is so good. Add this goodness to anything, and you will be a better person for it. I also know the owner, so a little shameless plug never hurts, right?

2. The color orange. Not burnt orange, but real orange.

This is a no brainer. Add this color to anything dull and watch it bring it to life. Again, you are entitled to your opinion, but it doesn’t mean you are right.

3. Kevin James
He makes all of his rather dull movies hilarious. You take him out of a couple of movies and they would inevitably bomb. If you have not seen his stand-up, then go watch it now. It’s one of the funniest I have ever seen. And King of Queens is brilliant.

And finally…

4. A Gospel Choir
Have you ever watched something with a choir, and when it was over said, “They could have done a great job even without that choir.” No. You haven’t. And when I say a choir, I mean a GOOD Gospel choir. If the ending of Glee was not awesome enough, they decided to throw in a choir and it bumped it WAY up.

This week, my DVR cut off the end of Glee. I am not sure I have ever been that upset in my entire life. I was screaming at the TV and threw some sort of tantrum that has not been rivaled since my little brother got his Christmas gifts ripped away from him one year because we were going skiing. I was livid. So I had to wait until Wednesday night to watch it. I have since watched 15 times and have gotten chills 15 times and cried eight times. Anyone who knows me well knows I am not exaggerating. Lincee was nice enough to post the “Like a Prayer” moment yesterday. Check it out here.

GLEE SIDEBAR OVER

I’ve decided to add a new portion of my recap that will further be known as: The Kyle Cry Counter or the KCC. I don’t mean like a wailing Marley and Me cry. I mean legitimate tears. But no snot. I can still talk, but maybe a little choked up. Here is the KCC for this week.

1. The end of Glee. So amazingly good. I already talked about, so I won’t bore you again with petty details.

2. Idol Gives Back: The newborn babies who lose their moms during birth and in Ethiopia when David Cook makes friends with Magnus and she tells us that she wanted to be a doctor. The tears started.

Idol Gives Back is always a good show. The problem is that they can not compare to the time when Carrie Underwood sang “I’ll Stand by You.”

or when Josh Groban sang “You Raise Me Up.”

If they had performances like this every year, I would be a wreck.

Instead, they have George Lopez.

When Ryan said, “We had a winner who gets to host the show…Mr. Lopez!” I actually screamed to the television, “Please don’t be George Lopez!!!!”

(My personal hell would be watching the George Lopez Show with Adam and Kara on the couch featuring special guests Ashton Kutcher, Wanda Sykes, Toby Keith and Siobhan singing anything.)

Seriously though. Watching Idol Gives Back, we realize how lucky we are and how unfortunate people are in other areas. I know it may seem hard to watch or hard to think about giving, but hopefully you are able to serve somewhere and at least give you time to people who do not have anything. They did a good job at showing other countries as well as our own. Many times we forget about our own back yard.

Thanks again for reading. What did you think about the previous two weeks? What are things you add to life that makes things better? What are your favorite Glee moments? How much do you disagree with everything I am saying?

GUEST BLOGGER KYLE IS BACK!  LET US HEAR WHO YOU ARE ROOTING FOR IN THE COMMENTS SECTION.

For the record, TEAM BOWERSOX!

* * *

Before I dive head first into something that is so important, yet so much of a waste of time, I had to share something.  I would like to title this section:

You know your old and kind of pathetic when …

I work with high school kids. And man, I love my job and love working with them. Yes there are times when I think to myself:  “I’m 30 and hanging out in the basketball stands.” But you know?  It’s great. However, to answer the title of this section, the following two things were said to me on Tuesday at a baseball game by the same person (a junior in high school) within a minute of each other.

1. “My parents are 35 and 36, Kyle.  That is real close to your age.” So a 16 year old girl has parents the same age as me.  I am becoming older than I ever thought I would.
2. “Kyle, how come you are not married?” What I said was, “I don’t know,” as I shrugged my shoulders and tried to be all innocent and unknowing. What I wanted to say was, “Well sweetie, Kyle here has more issues than most of the Jersey Shore cast combined.”

Ok, I got that off my chest. I just had to share that random stuff with people that I don’t really know.  Feel better?

Back on track.

I realized something about the show last night. This is not something that I am excited about or happy to even write. There is a great chance that I am wrong, and please heaven help me that I am wrong. Here is what I was thinking:

Barry Sanders, one of the greatest running backs of all time, retired in 1998. I think many people would agree that he retired way too early. I, for one, would have loved him to keep playing and never stop, because he was one of the greatest parts of football and was captivating to so many people. Now, compare that to, oh I don’t know, let’s say the Police Academy Movies. The first few were great. I am serious.  Go and watch them, because they are hilarious. Granted, it looked like they filmed them in an afternoon with a Panasonic hand held camera, but the humor was great. They started making them and cranking them out, and then before you know it there were like 47 of them. And they were desperate, making Mission in Moscow, City Under Siege, Cops in China, Tackelberry sings the blues, etc. And you started thinking, “Why didn’t they stop at the one where they went to Miami, and possibly even before that?” Because they were good, but they just kept sucking the life out of the movies they were making. You know Callahan was always the ‘hot’ one, but when you are 68 years old trying to play the mid 30s hot cop, it is real hard to swing that. And when Hightower is walking in using a walker, and Motor Mouth Jones has to using a breathing machine to make his helicopter sounds, you may want to pull the plug on the franchise.

I go on that huge rant, because I feel like that is what MAY be happening to American Idol. I am not saying we are there now, but are we in the middle of Police Academy 5: Assignment Miami Beach. Are they going to jump the shark pretty soon and have Robin Williams and Chad Kroeger become judges for the show? I don’t want my last memories of Idol to be of Randy becoming senile and telling everyone, “Dawg, I don’t know, it was just like, I don’t know where you were, I just feel like ….. I don’t know E?” Or Ellen saying, “I love your voice and I love you and {insert funny random smart a comment here}.”

Here are some things I am noticing about the show that make me think this might happen:

- When did the show become the Price is Right? Introducing the judges the way they do is so random and weird. I do not understand why they do that. I can actually hear Rod Roddy saying, “Simon, Randy, Kara, and Ellen— come on down!  You are the next judges on American Idol.” It just seems so weird. You can tell Simon and Ellen don’t totally love it. Randy is just confused on where he is. Kara, on the other hand, LOVES the attention. Watch her when she walks out, she ignores everyone and I can hear her say, “Here I am world! Drink me in! I am the best thing you have ever seen! Go on.  Keep looking.  Don’t even blink, because as soon as you blink, I may be off the stage.”

-If you watch the show, you could have fast forwarded it to the seven minute mark and watched it from there on out, because you would not have missed anything. There was weird sexual tension between all of them. Ryan tried to start conversation with the judges.  Randy was laughing and wishing he could go home.  Ellen looked like a deer in headlights because she is not quite sure still how to be a judge.  Kara was Kara (I think we all know how I feel), and Simon saying to himself, “Alright buddy.  A few more episodes and you are done forever. You can go back to Jolly ole England (or wherever he lives) and never come back to this godforsaken island and get away from these random annoying people.” I think that is why he is hovering over Kara when he sits there. He just legitimately doesn’t care anymore.Miley Cyrus? Miley Cyrus? Really…Miley Cyrus? You are going to have her judge the show where mostly 20 somethings are competing to have a chance to change their future? Here is my deal with that. I don’t think Hannah was horrible. She is a good singer, has some talent and gave a little bit of good advice. But for me, you can not have someone that young sit in front of people and tell them how to sing better, or how to have good stage presence. It just doesn’t make sense at all. I mean, the only reason you do that is so that all the young teeny boppers back home watch the show. Why not throw in Justin Bieber, Little Billy Gillman and Aaron Carter to round out the stellar advice giving talent?  In 10 years, Hannah could be great, but now? Miley, really, Miley Cyrus?

-The beginning of the results show seemed like I was watching a recruitment video for the US Army. Between the music and the graphics and messages like, “If you go home, you will probably die.” And “The rest of your life hinges on this show.” I felt like I wanted to enlist in Idol and go fight in a battle. There were probably subliminal messages hidden in the show saying, “Watch me.  Please watch me. I know we are reaching, but still watch me.”

-Why would they pick “Wake Me Up Before You Go Go?” I think the problem with it is not the song, but the performance. Last year (maybe earlier) they started lip syncing them.  Since then, they have been bordering on terrible ever since. Last night they sealed the deal with being bad. It was just kind of insulting to them. It looks so corny and not well planned out.  I felt like I was watching a bad episode of Kids Incorporated, except Jennifer Love Hewitt wasn’t on the stage dancing and singing.

-The whole beginning of the results show where Ryan asks questions was just strange. Here is what we figured out about some of the contestants:

A.  Katie’s dad is a drunk.  Thanks Ryan for calling him that.

B.  Casey is creating some sort of drama out of nothing.

C.  Really?  That was Siobhan’s boss?  You mean the second freakiset looking weird person in the room?  Totally wouldn’t have been able to pick that out.

I know I said this and wrote it out, but I am hoping and praying that I am so wrong.

Here we go with the show. You may not realize this according to the above evidence, but I did enjoy parts of the show. So, ala Clint Eastwood, I am going to separate it into the Good, the Bad, and the Ugly.

THE GOOD

Lee

I really like him a lot. I really like that song a lot. Now I didn’t love him singing it, but I thought it was good. I loved that he didn’t have a guitar and that he stepped out from behind his comfort zone.  It looked pretty good. He was taking the advice he got from the judges and seems like he broke out of his shell a little bit. I still think he has the best voice on the show.  I would buy something he is selling.

Aaron

I loved his song choice.  It was probably the best of the night. I love that he knows his range and doesn’t try to sing out of it. And it was good to see our little boy become a man. Because when he walked into the room with Miley, I swear I have never seen someone so happy. I was pretty impressed how well he sang in front of her. The thing I loved was that he sang good even though he was sick and his voice was shot. At such a young age, he stood up there and did great with a lot against him. But what was up with Ryan writing out the question?  Did that make sense to anyone else?  Ryan pulls out a piece of paper to write the questions for Aaron. I was actually yelling at the TV, “Ryan!  He isn’t deaf.  He can hear your questions. Just ask him and have the write it down.” C’mon Seacrest.

Crystal

Would anyone else have paid money to watch the whole Miley/Crystal practice?  I can envision Crystal walking in saying, “Look, I am just coming in here because the show is making me. Let’s make nice.  Sign my guitar and let’s get on with this.” She really does have a great voice. I love hearing her and it sounds awesome. There are two things I am a bit nervous about.

A.  I hope she steps out from her guitar. She hinted at that she might and I hope she does it next week. I think then you will be able to see if she has confidence and hope she sounds when she doesn’t have her comfort zone to stand behind.

B.  Each of her performances sound the same. Granted, they are awesome. I love her voice and she is one of the few that is picking the right songs. I just feel that they have all sounded the same—not a whole lot of diversity. I would love her to try some Norah Jones or Diana Krall.  I think that would be different than what she has sung already.

Michael

He has found his niche the past few weeks. He can hit some of the high notes really well and sounds good when he does it. It was kind of a boring performance.  There’s nothing too fancy and did seem like a lounge act. It was good…not great. Simon said he wasn’t relevant.  If I am being honest, I do not know what he means when he says that. I know what the word relevant means, but a lot of the times Simon says it and it really seems like it doesn’t make sense. Another sign that Simon is fading out and praying for the end.

DiDi

I know I may be in the minority on this, but I liked the song. I think she sounded good and sang as best as she could. She changed it up a bit and did some fun things with it. It was a random choice of song, but I think it fit her well. She ended the song real well and ended on a high. I will say this though—no one there is helping them pick songs. There were really only about two good song choices the entire night. I do not understand how you can be given a catalog of thousands of songs and pick some of the ones that were picked. I hope this changes.

GOOD SIDEBAR

I have these side bars because

1. This is my post and really I can do whatever I want.
2. I can not stay on a topic for longer than 3 minutes

The best part of the Idol show was the ad for Glee. I am so excited for this to start back.  It is one of the best shows on TV. It is extremely well written and so funny. The writers are creative and really want to make an interesting show. If you have not seen it, then I just plain feel sorry for you. Go rent the first season right now.

THE BAD

Paige

This was terrible. When I heard she was singing “Against All Odds,” I got kind of excited, mainly because it is one of my favorite songs.  And not just the Phil Collins version either.  A few years back, on America’s Got Talent, a guy named Eli Mattson sang it, and it was incredible. Sounded nothing like the original, but still was awesome. Paige butchered this song.  When it started, I was praying for it to end. It was like when a friend and I went to see Dragon Wars, and about five minutes into the movie, we both realized we had made a mistake and should leave.  But we didn’t say anything to each other, because we thought the other person really wanted to stay. I wanted to fast forward so bad, but I wasn’t sure if others wanted to watch it. It was horrible, and the sad thing was, she knew it was her turn to leave. And when she sang at the end of the show last night, she did awesome. She has a great voice, but the performance was on Tuesday was horrible.

Andrew

Poor guy just isn’t good. He really did ruin that song and like Simon said, sucked the soul right out. I feel bad for him because he had that one good performance, and since then, has been on a downward slide. It just isn’t his show.

THE UGLY

Tim

This is self explanatory. I found myself saying, “Man. I hope he steps out from behind the guitar.” And he did. But then I found myself saying, “I hope he steps out from behind the mic stand.” And when he did, I was yelling, “DUDE.  GET BACK BEHIND THE STAND AND GRAB YOUR GUITAR!  FOR THE SAKE OF EVERYTHING HOLY MAN.  DO IT!”  He looked so awkward on the stage and seemed like he didn’t really want to be there. It was a horrific performance.

Siobhan

When I heard she was about to sing, I had to run into the other room and peek around the corner, because I wasn’t sure I was going to be ready for this. And I wasn’t. She kind of looked like Zach Morris from Saved by the Bell when he dressed up like a nerd to join the Math club. This is totally random and confusing.   Why dress up like this?  I had thoughts of Senjaya with the hair. Remember him?  Let’s all take a moment of silence for him.

That’s good. Bottom line—Siobhan scares me.

The Rest

Katie and Casey

Not horrible.  Not great.  Honestly, nothing really exciting about them. They have good voices but never really use them. Casey stays behind his guitar the whole time and Katie needs to stop picking pop star songs. If they don’t change something, they will be gone soon. And how about pulling Katie to the bottom three for 45 seconds before sending her back?  Here little girl.  Soil yourself.  Just kidding.  You are safe.

Also, the best performance of the year was when Matt and Scott were dueling pianos. That was awesome and the only Idol I have saved on DVR to watch again and again.

Thanks for listening. What do you all think? I’d love to hear your comments.  Who do you love? Who do you not love? Am I drunk, smoking crack or do you like it?

Happy reading.

Da na da na da na….whhhhaaaaa whhhhaaaaaaa.

That was totally the song intro.

Hello people. It’s that time again in which American Idol Guest Blogger Kyle and I go head-to-head on our love for Crystal Bowersox and irritation for all things Kara. (Raise your hand if you miss Paula and her gin-soaked QVC jewelry!)

Kyle was nice enough to break down our Top 12. This goes out to all you closet Idolholics out there. LET YOUR VOICE BE HEARD IN THE COMMENT SECTION!

Lincee out.

* * *
Ever since sweet Ryan announced Kris Allen was the winner last year, I have been waiting for this season. There is just something about this show that I love. I mean I love good music, and then when they throw in all of the heartwarming stories, well let’s just say I am hooked. The problem with this year is that there is just not the talent level so far as compared to the past few years. Usually, at this time, there are the four or five that stand out, and you can not wait for them to sing. That is just not happening this year. There are some good ones, but no where the same as the last few times.

SIDEBAR
I told Lincee I was going to do this. She has final say if this stays in or not, so there is a chance this will not be posted. If you all did not watch The Sing Off this past December, I just feel sorry for you. It was one of the best shows I have ever seen. As we are watching it, you realize that there is just pure, raw talent in these groups. The sure sign for me if I like something is if I will buy the song. I ended up buying 16 songs from the show, and still waiting for more to come available. So my shameless plug is coming to a close. In conclusion, WATCH THE SHOW WHEN IT RETURNS TO NBC. I put it in caps so you know I was serious.

So with the top 12, there a few favorites I have. I will mentions them later, but here are a few things I have noticed this year so far:

Kara is a human fortune cookie. It is like right before she talks, she cracks open one of the sweet, advice giving pieces of goodness and reads from them.

Kara: “Michael, when life comes at you, and things are tough, lean on friends to get you through. Look into the looking glass of your mind to find the voice you are looking for, and from that a flower will spring up to birth new life to a whole new road that you will be willing to take. If you find yourself backed into a corner, look deep in the eyes of your enemy and find the songs that makes them melt, and take a hold of that and run with it. Oh, I liked the song.”

I have determined who she is. For college basketball fans, she is Bill Raftery. Like Bill, Kara has become a cartoon character of herself. I really could see her on one of those random Cartoon Network shows that over dramatize everything. But with her, I think they would nail it right on the head.

I loved when Simon called Kara out. When Kara said that they were not connecting with the song, and Simon said it was rubbish. I loved that because it is so true. They didn’t write the songs. They have no idea what to do. Just let them up and sing. When a 16 year old boy is singing about his wife and kids, of course he is not going to connect on an emotional level with that. But you know what? I bet he could sing his face off and make it sound really good. Kara, I know you wrote 573 songs and you can connect anywhere from a single girl crying for her blanket, to a unicorn who has lost his way and looking for home. But not everyone can.

MICHAEL LYNCHE
If you asked the Incredible Hulk to play guitar, it would actually look bigger in his hands that the one Michael holds. I love when he plays guitar, because I always ask myself, “Is he playing a ukelele.” I like that he didn’t play the guitar this time. I think it shows versatility and also they can not hide behind something. It forces them to get outside of their comfort zones. I love watching him dance, the problem is that he only has about three moves, and that’s it. And they all involve his hands. If he had others dancing on the stage with him, I have no doubt in my mind that one swoop of his big mitts, and one of those frilly haired party girls are going flat on their face.

I like Mike. He has an incredible voice and he uses it very well. You just have to get past the fact that he is a giant and should be ripping peoples heads off, but instead he is singing sweet melodies. I feel he will go far.

DIDI BENAMI
I did not think contestants could come back on if the made the top 12. I guess this year they are making an exception. I am excited they let Brooke White back on the show. I hope she sings Let it Be again on the piano. I will for sure shed a tear.

I like DiDi. Other than being gorgeous, she really has a great voice. She has not done much over the past weeks, but this week came out of her shell and really let people know how well she can sing. I loved watching it and it was for sure one of my favorites of the night. If I know the song, I would have liked it a lot better. She hit some high notes that I really thought were awesome. The judges like her and thought she had potential. I think she will be a girl who goes far.

I HAVE AT&T U-VERSE, WHICH IF YOU DON’T HAVE IT, YOU NEED TO DROP WHATEVER CABLE COMPANY AND GET THIS ONE. IT IS FANTASTIC. I HAVE FOUND ONE PROBLEM WITH IT. THEY HAVE THIS 30 SECOND FAST FORWARD BUTTON, THAT IS USED TO GO THROUGH COMMERCIALS. I AM PROPOSING THEM A KARA FAST FORWARD BUTTON. SO LET’S SHE SHE STARTS TALKING, ALL YOU WOULD HAVE TO DO IS PUSH THIS BUTTON, AND IT WOULD AUTOMATICALLY SKIP HER AND STOP RIGHT ON SIMON. PRETTY SURE I WOULD BE A MILLIONAIRE.

CASEY JAMES
Whenever Kara is not molesting him with her eyes, he actually is not a bad singer. Randy compared him to a Stevie Ray Vaughn, and I thought that was a great idea. He is not great, he hides behind his guitar (a lot of them do this year) and doesn’t sing flashy. But he can sing and could be entertaining.

LACEY BROWN
Poor girl. She has a good voice, but only for about 10 songs. She sounds like they lead singer from Sixpence None the Richer. Also, if you listen, she sounds like a not very good version of Stevie Nicks. Judges thought it was a weird performance. Vocally good, just not great.

ANDREW GARCIA
He sang Gimme Shelter. They best cover of this, EVER was by the Clark Brothers on Next Great American Band. If you have not watched this, go to YouTube right now. It is amazing. I like that he did not have a guitar. I think that was very brave of him and tried something else. It was a very unique version of the song. I watched it again and thought it was good. I think he is in trouble because he will always be compared to Straight Up, and not sure he can get away from that.

KATIE STEVENS
They keep telling her to be young. How in the world are you able to be young with the Rolling Stones? You know what? Let’s not worry about her age. Just let her sing and then judge her voice. That should be easy enough. That is what this show is, right?

TIM URBAN
Not a whole lot to say. He is trying to be Jason Castro. I would love to see him play without the guitar. See what he looks like on that stage. Middle to end of the pack.

SIOBHAN MAGNUS
I hate haunted houses. When I was little, we used to go to Bells amusement Park in Tulsa, OK and my family always wanted to take me on the haunted house ride. I went once and I think I soiled myself, and have not been on since. When I watched this performance, I had the same feeling. I was actually scared and had to go in to the other room and peek around the corner. All I could think was the female version of Adam.

Scary performances that make you just stare confused, and you have that look on your face, wondering what you are watching.
She screams. Just a lot longer than Adam did. Like when you think, “Ok, she is winding down,” she is actually just getting going.
She has given whatever punch Adam gave to the judges last year, this year to drink. Because they drank it and are all about the Magnus express.

The good thing about her is that her name is for sure some sort of superhero name.

LEE DEWYZE
For sure my favorite guy, no question. I love his voice and talent. He, along with Crystal, make singing look so easy. They just get up there, put out no effort, and blow the song away. The bad thing is that he will get sucked into the Daughtry, Nickelback, Shinedown parade, which is a never ending pit of bad music despair. Please Lee, don’t do it.

Really, he is my favorite because in his video he had a TMNT shirt on when he was younger. If that doesn’t scream winner, nothing does. I called him my favorite at the beginning of the top 24. Hope I am right.

PAIGE MILES & AARON KELLY
I have them together, because they remind me of the same. They have good voices, young and cute and fun to watch. I like them and hope they do good. The problem is, in a couple of weeks they will run smack into a wall and the pressure will crush them. They are great now, but are middle of the pack.

CRYSTAL BOWERSOX
Great voice. She is fun to watch and I hope she does good. It is always fun to watch her face when being judged, because if you had the sound off and based what they said on her reactions, you would be wrong 100 percent of the time. It is kind of funny. I think the judges don’t like that, because they want emotion and people to fight back, and she ain’t doing that. They were harsh on her, which was dumb, because she was great. I think they are trying to level the playing field a little bit.

If I had to pick my bracket for this show, here is what it would be (now I know this will be WAY WAY WAY WAY off.)

12. Lacey
11. Paige Miles
10. Tim Urban
9. Katie Stevens
8. Aaron Kelly
7. Casey James
6. Andrew Garcia
5. Michael Lynche
4. Didi Benami
3. Siobhan Magnus
2. Crystal Bowersox
1. Lee Dewyze

Not what I want, but what I think will happen. Again, going to be way off. Happy watching everybody. I hope you tune back in to the blog and read what we write. These are just my opinions, if you want to argue, bring it, I love a good battle.

Thanks for reading.

On Saturday I received a call from my friend Kyle.  (You remember him, right?  He’s my American Idol blogger.  You’ve laughed with/at him here, here, here and don’t forget  here.)

Anyway, Kyle tells me this story about how he had received his first massage EVER the day before.  The tale lasted about 10 minutes and I have to say that it’s the hardest I’ve laughed in a while.  I asked him to be a dear and write it all down so I could post it for your viewing pleasure. 

And of course, he obliged:

For a thank you present after an amazing banquet, our committee gave us an hour-long massage gift certificate.  I have never really been excited about the idea of getting a massage.  This is mainly because I am 100 percent sure that I would act/ do/ or say something stupid and really be a huge dork while making things awkward, because let’s face it–it’s kind of what I do.  But I had only heard good things about the process, so I decided to take the leap and let a stranger put their hands ALL over my body.

Walking into the beautiful Massage Parlor was kind of a surreal experience. Let me back up a little.  Getting ready for the event, I was a little confused about what I should wear, or what I shouldn’t wear.  Kind of felt like a first date. 

So walking into the place felt a little taboo.  I am going to throw this out there…I kind of felt like I was getting a hooker.  I have never gotten a hooker, but really that is the only thing I can compare this too.  Sitting there filling out some paperwork, I was kind of giddy, but in a weird way.  I was  awkwardly laughing/snickering and smiling non stop, because I had NOOOOOO idea how to act in the room.  And when I say I had no idea how to act, I really mean I HAD NO FREAKING IDEA how to act.  And when that happens, I just get mouth diarrhea and can not shut up.

Needless to say, there was a lot of that going on.

My girl walks out all professionally and welcomes me into the room.  It was fantastic in that room.  Other than being the size of my palm, the music was great, lighting dim and it smelt like eucalyptus leaves.

Well…she told me it was that smell.  She could have told me it was Seaweed Ginger and I would have believed her.

And here is when the awkwardness begins.

She takes me into the room and before she can speak, I say, “So this is my first time and I am going to let you know that I don’t know how to act.  I have never done this before, so I am probably going to moan or grunt a lot.”

Yep.  Those words came out.  She told me not to worry.  She said she was going to leave so I could undress.  She said I could keep my boxers on and instructed me to get under the covers on my stomach.  When she left, I got that smile on my face again, because I felt kind of dirty for some unknown reason.  I then proceed to strip on down to my Homer Simpson boxers (worn just for this special occasion) and lay on my stomach under the covers.

Remember:  I do not know massage protocol.

I hear a knock on the door to which I reply, rather loudly “COME IN!”

She walks in and the first thing I say is, “Sorry.  I didn’t know if I should cover all the way up, or just mid back or …”

She stops me and tells me to just lay there and she will take care of everything.

She then proceeds to rub me down. I notice throughout the whole thing that she is spraying lotion out of a bottle.  Even though there are bottles everywhere, I know she is not holding one. I figure out later that she has a lotion holster.  That’s right.  A holster for her lotion.  Absolutely amazing.

I start to get more comfortable as she works on my back.  The next thing I know, I’m asleep.  I wake up when she is moving my arm and I jerk it out of her hands and kind of jump up.  She gets  a little startled but assures me that it’s OK.  This happens a few more times.  Once the back is done, she asks me to roll on my back.

At this point I am all relaxed and feeling good.  I roll over, eyes watering because I was asleep and she pulls the blanket up to cover my chest.  For some reason, a reason I can not tell you why, I pull down the blanket to my boxers.  She looks at me all weird and asks if everything is OK.

Me:  “Yeah.  This is great.  Thank you.  Are you going to do my chest now?”

Her:  “No, I was thinking about doing your shoulders.”

Me:  “That would be great.”

I close my eyes.  I notice she isn’t moving.  I open my eyes and see her kind of looking strangely.

Me:  “Would it be better if I pulled the blanket up?”

Her:  “Yeah.  That would be great.” 

At that point, I decided to not talk anymore.

The end was much like the beginning, except this time she told me to put on my clothes and wait for her.  Only I don’t think I heard the “wait” part and decided to walk out.  As I am checking out, I hear my little friend walking around the parlor asking where I was.  She wasn’t done.  She needed to give me my water.

And that’s the end. I may or may not be welcome in that particular parlor ever again, but it was a great rub own.  I recommend it to all.  Just don’t yell “COME IN” or wear Homer Simpson boxers.  At least if you are over the age of eight.

* * * * * *

I’m sure Kyle isn’t the only person who had an interesting experience at a massage parlor.  We want to hear your stories.  Don’t be scared.  I’m in a laughing mood!  Change your name and share your tales in the comment section!