‘The Bachelorette’ Kaitlyn recap: Vagina monologues

Bachelorette Kaitlyn

“Joe’s left nut was hanging out the entire time.” — Jared

This has already proven to be one of the hardest Bachelorette recaps I’ve ever written. And I’m one title and one sentence into the copy. Great.

I want to crawl under my desk right now, but desperate times call for desperate measures. I am a professional and I will get through this. I’m just going to get it all out of my system at the very beginning. Feel free to skip the next paragraph. (Mama—skip the next paragraph.)

Penis, balls, nads, thong, pixels, vagina, fallopian tubes, lining, dying, positions, tampon, torpedo, hairy, flat, hanging, brain, tucking, shifting, adjusting, thankyoupixels, sperm, eggs, uterus, sex, “education”, reproduction, where does the pollen go?

It’s all downhill from here, people. Strap on your diaper thong and read on.

SIMPLE DISCLAIMER

The following information you are about to read is of personal opinion. However, if you or someone you liked on Instagram happen to personally know, sort of know, is friends with the twerking instructor who is obsessed with the fictional life of Jamie and Claire Fraser like me and looks exactly like one of the contestants on the show…none of this is personal and I’m sure they are all lovely people.

We begin episode three where episode two left off—Kupah freaking out in the driveway. Kailtyn marches right up to him, demanding to know what’s going on. He immediately reins in the crazy when Kaitlyn instructs him to stop screaming. Kupah tones it down to a boisterous stage whisper which fools no one. The burly, baldy is shoved into a rejection van (haters don’t get limos) and is sent on his way.

In case you’re keeping score, that’s two contestants who have been escorted off the premises without the privilege of participating in a rose ceremony.

Kaitlyn cries for a bit, collects herself and enters the living room just as Our Host is about to clink his champagne glass with the butter knife he keeps in his breast pocket. Kaitlyn is ready to get her ceremony on with or without the clink. Roses go to:

JJ (from the improv group date)
Ben (from the boxing group date)
Clint (from the underwater solo date)
Jared
Peter Brady
Gosling
Jonathan
Tanner
The Dentist
Metro Ryan
Justin
Ian
Josh-UA
Kentucky Joe
Corey
The Healer

Kaitlyn says good-bye to Daniel-Edward Norton and The Other Cory. She cries some more in the confession room, carefully wiping her tears with her statement ring finger. I’m convinced Kaitlyn is vying for Britt’s unofficial “Most Cries in One Season” award. In Kaitlyn’s defense, I can see actual droplets falling from her eyes. The same can not be said for Britt Britt.

FIRST GROUP DATE
Clint
The Dentist
The Healer
JJ
Kentucky Joe
Gosling

Harrison introduces the group to the largest Japanese man in the history of forever. He and his 400-pound friend are going to skill the mansion chumps in the art of sumo wrestling. Kaitlyn is quick to announce that this is all in good fun. To prove that she doesn’t want any drama, she drags the remaining suitors from the house so they can point and laugh along with her.

If common sense had a role in this show, our Monday nights would be MEANINGLESS.

The students all strap on their ceremonial sumo thongs. Half of them make the choice to bend over for some reason. It’s worth noting (and praising) that the modesty black box has been retired after Jillian’s exhibition from last season. The ABC production team chooses a much more professional fuzzy pixelation to cover everyone’s man bits.

Pixilated junk or not, the topic of conversation revolves around Kentucky Joe’s left nut. Whether it didn’t stay put, or he cared less about tucking, is still a mystery. The fact that I actually just wrote that sentence is equally baffling.

The real sumo guys toss the students around by their diapers for a few rounds. The Healer is excited to show his sumo guy “a real fight” by giggling the entire time. After being hurled out of the ring, he makes a beeline for the mansion. Kailtyn rushes over to see if he is hurt. Ascended testicle? Diaper chaffing? Bruised ego? Did someone make fun of his “calf sleeve” tattoo? Is there such a thing as a calf sleeve?

The Healer turns around to face the woman who forced him to be so aggressive in a world where his sole purpose is to promote peace and love. Once again, I’ve taken the liberty to loosely translate The Healer’s monologue:

“I’m here for you, Kaitlyn. I want to show you the multiple sides of me. There’s the childlike wonder. The heart of a warrior. And the spirit of a gypsy. We are all non-violent and we just want to go on a boat ride, or sky diving, or rocky mountain climbing. Perhaps the zoo is the perfect place to fall in love? Did you ever think about that? Wanna hear my elephant impression? There’s a real man’s contest for you. We can connect with our primal instincts. MAHHHLAAAHHHH! I’ve got a peaceful, easy feeling and I’d like for you to be a part of it. Imagine all the people, living for today? Excuse me while I inhale the good vibes and exhale the negative ones.”

To no one’s surprise, JJ comes over to stir the pot. The Healer, promoter of peace, tells him to eff off. The ABC Intern frantically searches the property for something that resembles a tiny pine tree. Clearly The Healer found solace in bonsai maintenance while attending his court-mandated anger management classes. He heads to the balcony to meditate, while Kaitlyn takes her sumo team to an exhibition in front of real people. She wants these memories of utter humiliation to be seared into their brains. Hooray for adventure!

I’ll spare you the pixelated details of the sumo fight. All you need to know is that the guys wrestled each other in front of men, women and children as everything hung out of their diapers. It’s important to immerse young kids into wildly inappropriate LA culture. Clint won and was a complete jack wagon about it.

Meanwhile, The Healer decides to remove himself from the evil chi known as Bachelor Mansion. He selects his most chill outfit, packs his belongings and takes to the streets in search of Kaitlyn so he can bid her farewell. The producers drop him off outside the cocktail party. He lets her know that if she is truly interested, she can easily find him. He picks a single weed disguised as a flower and places it in the metaphorical barrel of Kaitlyn’s gun. Or maybe, in this particular case, the metaphorical whip she’s hiding somewhere in her head-to-toe leather Cat Woman costume.

Leather Tuscadero finds sanctuary in the arms of The Dentist. He assures her that he, and his tongue, are both available if she needs them. After a quick make out sesh, Kaitlyn heads back to the group to see who will lay on the charm next? She is greeted by a chorus of crickets. Gosling finally breaks the awkward silence and takes her away to whisper sweet nothings about notebooks and wooden furniture in her ear. He confesses that he’s never felt real feelings in such a short amount of time. Kaitlyn gives him several kisses, the rose, another kiss and then chastises Clint in front of the others for ignoring her all night.

THERE ARE NO RULES!

One-On-One Date
Ben

Harrison meets Ben and Kaitlyn in a creepy warehouse. I assume Laila Ali is still punching a bag on the other side of the wall, but THIS side is home to a mysterious door. Basically, Ben and Kaitlyn will be locked in a room for 45 minutes. This particular room is full of super scary things that go bump in the night. Naturally, our duo will have to conquer their fears together before the time runs out. Bungee jumping and scaling tall buildings are so yesterday. If you really want to bond, figure out the clues before the toxic gas kills you!

Right out of the gate, Kaitlyn is terrified of the two pigeons that fly out of the door upon opening. Ben promises to protect her from the bloody appendages hanging from the wall, the creepy dolls, the live scorpion, the maggots, the dead cockroaches, the darkness and the moaning man in the rickety hospital bed in need of a good old fashioned exorcism. Ben truly thinks about bolting when he comes face-to-face with several boa constrictors guarding a toilet filled with filth. Sadly, the last clue is in said filth. Although Kaitlyn boldly claims that she isn’t afraid of snakes, she never once volunteers to dip her hand into homemade vomit to fish out a package. HURRY BEN! YOU ONLY HAVE SECONDS BEFORE YOUR EYEBALLS MELT OUT OF YOUR SKULL!

Thankfully, they punch in the code just in time. Kaitlyn is smitten with Ben’s moxie. He’s a strong contender. In order to participate in this season’s Bachelorette, you have to be full of adventure. Pants and couth are optional.

Ben and Kaitlyn order a pizza. Here’s hoping the business owners of the Room of Doom had some sort of decontamination washing station for his hands. Kaitlyn settles in on the couch as Ben tells her about how he’s never cried since his mother died 11 years ago.

1. I don’t know if I believe that.
2. I will bet y’all ONE BILLION DOLLARS that he cries this season.

They kiss a little on the couch, change clothes, sit in a hot tub with zero bubbles and kiss some more. He gets the date rose for saving her from wayward pigeons.

SECOND GROUP DATE
Jonathan
Peter Brady
Josh-UA
Metro Ryan
Jered
Tanner

Since man diapers weren’t uncomfortable enough for this episode, Kaitlyn decides to step over the appropriate line and walk a few hundred yards away somewhere in the vicinity of ridiculous. Six unfortunate souls are forced to teach a classroom full of children about sex education. I understand that the kids are actors. I still think it’s inappropriate. Moving on.

Here’s what we learned from each teacher:

Mr. Joshua is no stranger to sex education. He learned everything he needs to know by watching the cows back home. Did you know that the clinical name for a tampon is a torpedo? Me neither.

Mr. Metro Ryan knows all about the vagina. He can point to it on a diagram of the female anatomy. He also knows about a BLEEP and that BLEEP when the BLEEP.

Mr. Jonathan can explain the four bases in explicit detail.

Mr. Jared is his name and contraception is his game. Bananas and condoms for everyone!

And then there’s Mr. Brady, who manages to have an honest, open conversation about the birds and the bees. He has props, volunteers and includes Kaitlyn as the love interest in his epic romance story. I think Mrs. Korman may have swooned. I know I did. With so many kids in his family, you knew Peter was going to dominate this date!

At the cocktail party, my boy Josh-UA does everything he can to make Kailtyn keep him firmly in the “boy” category. He admits that he didn’t kiss a girl until he was 19 and that he’s unsure about how his own puberty works, let alone a girl’s internal plumbing. Josh-UA will have to step up his game if he wants to compete with the likes of Peter Brady. I do have high hopes for him. Who cares if he’s a late bloomer? HE’S FUNNY. And funny goes a long way in my book.

Later, Kaitlyn takes Peter Brady up to the roof so they can dance in the shadows of the Die Hard building. Peter confidently pulls her into his arms, plants a kiss and then dips her like most women love to be dipped. Peter gets the date rose, even though Jared rallied hard at the end with an impromptu slow dance/make out combo of his own.

ROSE CEREMONY

ABC generously teases a budding bromance between JJ and Clint the entire episode. As the video packages run throughout the night, the bromance deepens. Clint vows that he doesn’t have feelings for Kaitlyn, but instead needs a rose so he can stay with JJ.

I have thoughts. I’m not sure if this is genuine or not. Everything about the packages seem overtly rehearsed or scripted, including the shared showers, longing looks across a guitar, jawline love and exclamations of being “the best” on the show.

Even Clint’s confession that he’s in love with JJ and that he’s a franchise success story seemed bogus to me. First of all, no dude would ever choose JJ. Duh. Second of all, they are playing the villainous character too strong. They both understand that the bad guy with the witty one-liners and dorky digs will get the screen time.

Just like fetch, my hope is that “Villains gonna vil” does not happen.

Clint slides up to Kaitlyn, apologizes for being weird and passionately kisses her. Kaitlyn confidently swipes her card, buying the entire thing. To my outrageous joy, 13 of the 15 guys left standing use their one-on-one time to share with Kaitlyn that Clint is a Grade A Chach. Kaitlyn realizes that Clint has been playing her like Wes Hayden’s number 1 hit in Tijuana, “They Say Love Don’t Come Easy.”

Will she keep her streak going and kick him off before the rose ceremony? Or will he talk his way out of it? Did you see JJ slapping himself in next week’s promo? Are you itching to watch old episodes of the Brady Bunch online?

Sound off in the comments section!

Comments

232 Comments on "‘The Bachelorette’ Kaitlyn recap: Vagina monologues"

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Molly
Molly

Is it just me, or was it completely baffling the woman that has tattoos of birds on her arms is terrified of…birds? (eye roll)

Just once I’d like to see these folks address their real fear. COMMITMENT.

Mel
Mel

Ha! That’s a great point!

Tammi
Tammi

I kept thinking that during the whole scene. She has doves on her arms because they always go home, yet she is deathly afraid of birds!!

Sheesh
Sheesh

I thought they were swallows.

Pia
Pia

Now THAT’s funny!

Tara
Tara

Aha! But she can’t actually see the birds on her arms. They’re on the backs. 😉

Stacy
Stacy

I thought the SAME thing!

Allison
Allison

I had the exact same thought!!

Brooke
Brooke

That was my first thought too!!!

Liana
Liana

Molly, I thought the same thing! She is afraid of birds but has TWO tattooed on her arms? WTH?
This episode hit a new low with the sex “education” class. Whether actors or not, those were children and I didn’t the humor in it.
Tony was right, why the need for so much aggressive behavior on those dates?

Ann
Ann

Amen, sister. I am so thankful for DVR’s, as I sped through that “sex ed” debacle like a freight train. That was so inappropriate as to be beyond the description of inappropriate. I don’t care if the kids are actors, what parent in his or her right mind would allow someone that young to participate in that demeaning, trashy spectacle.

And, I agree that Tony is a complete nut-job, but I must say, I have to agree with him about the dates! One of the reasons I’ve always liked watching the show was the escapism of getting to see attractive people in interesting places. This season’s “dates” are ridiculous. And, of course, Kaitlyn told Tony that he “didn’t have to participate” and that by not participating, he wouldn’t be judged, but then of course anyone who didn’t play along would be judged as a “bad sport.”

And the very idea of having those guys out in public with their private parts showing and with women and possibly children watching – you have got to be kidding me.

I am actually angry. They have ruined what used to be my fun little Monday night escapist, formerly-harmless amusement. This was shameful and Kaitlyn is trash. Can you picture Emily in these scenarios? I don’t think so. They have geared the show to match the class of the woman.

Beth
Beth

I’m with you, Ann. This show has hit a new low which is saying a lot for this franchise. It’s so wrong to air this during prime time. Including children in any way, actors or not, on this show is beyond inappropriate. I’m disgusted and think the content last night reflects very sick minds on the part of the producers. Low class, trashy, disgusting and totally wrong.

Stacey
Stacey

I turned it off when the sex ed part came up. I don’t need to watch that trash. Turned me off for the season.

Um
Um

Yeah, actors or not that was pretty awful.

But I wouldn’t necessarily blame Kaitlyn for any of this. She doesn’t REALLY pick the dates. ABC does.

Brandy
Brandy

I completely agree with Ann!

I actually found the sex ed date with the kids super offensive. I thought it was wildly inappropriate and just wrong to involve young children in this – actors or not. I am horrified at these kids’ parents as well. I thought the laughing and snickering of the “grown-ups” was ridiculous. I’ve watched this show since the very beginning with the first Bachelor. I’ve never missed an episode. So, my skin is pretty thick when it comes to the antics of this show. But the sex-ed date with children made me feel like I should be done with this show.

Also the whole Clink/JJ thing also angered me. It was so contrived and staged. It brought the show to an all new low for me – and that’s saying something.

I think Ann hit the nail on the head about Kaitlyn. I thought Kaitlyn was kind of mean on Chris’ season. She would say really nasty things about people. But more than that, she is also super skanky and trashy. I just don’t think a girl that bones one (or more) a guy out of a group of guys on national TV is truly serious about finding a husband. She is gross!

Diane
Diane

I agree that Kaitlyn is skanky. It was sealed for me the first night. She was looking at those men like they were some kind of meat and she was about to dine on them.

It reminded me of how I used to feel on Halloween when I would anticipate what kind of treats I’d get.

There is nothing genuine about her. I’m sure she’s in it for her own 15 minutes of celebrity and to promote her personal line of lip fillers.

Sheesh
Sheesh

Now THAT’s nasty!

Um
Um

In ABC’s defense, the first few episodes always have absolutely terrible group dates because it’s hard to find something a huge group of men can do together. So therefore everything is boring and based around team sports and fighting.

The dates will get better once they start narrowing down the amount of guys. They always get better as the season progresses. I always expect the first few episodes to be stupid.

Bri
Bri

I will never defend ABC! They push the limits of appropriateness on prime time all the time; the Bachelor or Bachelor Pad or any of their spinoffs are R rated, not something kids should be watching. This last episode is the lowest they’ve sunk so far and I’m done watching. I felt dirty and am embarrassed to admit I watched such a trashy show.

SeaJay

I know she doesn’t have total say over the dates. So I don’t entirely blame her for the sex ed date. But I do for sitting there appearing to find the whole situation hilarious. The situation was supposed to be the guys butchering the sex education of a classroom full of young innocent children supposedly hearing the details of sex for the first time. I wondered, Lincee, how you would react to this, even though they were actors. I’m glad you kind of feel as I do – children are children, whether they’re being paid as actors or not. This show hit a new low.

Ruby Fabian
Ruby Fabian

I agree with Ann 100 percent or even 110 percent (if that percentage is even possible). I am pretty disgusted with this season so far.

Kalan
Kalan

I totally agree about the sex ed bit. I was a little bit relieved that the kids were actors…but I can’t image as a parent, allowing my kid to sit through that. Just didn’t see how it was funny or “date-ish” at all.

Honestly the 3 dates in this episode might have been the worst dates that I’ve seen in a long time!

Tots
Tots

What happened to the wonderful romantic dates of seasons past (long past)? This season is so disappointing and trashy. Come on ABC don’t mess with our Monday night happiness.

Amy
Amy

It was completely inappropriate. As if their being actors stopped them from being children. The whole scene just angered me.

MB_Austin
MB_Austin

She must have thought “I want these birds tattooed where I can’t see them”!!! Or she was drunk when she got the tattoos…I’m guessing the latter…

Um
Um

She’s scared of the flapping & the sound, not the sight of a bird. Still ironic though.

SeaJay

She was second-guessing the franchise. Notice how they love to set up dates involving what you’ve stated is your worst fear? She put down something she wasn’t the least bit afraid of. That’s my guess.

rick
rick

GASP! You’ve mentioned the name of He Who Must Not Be Named!!

rick
rick

Well, he’s forgettable just like the myriad other self-promoting DB a$$es. I suppose that not naming him doesn’t make him less forgettable.

Laura Jean

Who is “He Who Must Not Be Named”? I came to IHGB after this designation was afforded, and I haven’t been able to figure it out.

Leah
Leah

Check out the blog dated Tiesday February 8, 2011 and it will be clear.

Laura Jean
Laura Jean

Thanks!

Laura Jean

So it’s Brad Womack?

Haley
Haley

Check out the BP post on August 10, 2010. That one’s a lot more clear.

Um
Um

I tried to look up that post but I don’t have two hours to press the “older posts” button over and over. 😛 Is it really Brad?

Laura Jean

Um – it’s Wes Hayden. I didn’t watch The Bachelorette that year, so I don’t know much about this guy! I’ll take everyone’s word for it.

loves waves
loves waves

Behind the seat cushions wasn’t enough, and the entire width of the fleece blanket wasn’t enough, and finding excuses to go into the kitchen wasn’t enough. Bar none, last night, from start to finish, was the single most cringe-worthy show of the entire franchise. And I enjoy REAL sumo!

You’ve captured the horror perfectly, Lincee — no point in re-recapping your recap. I will say, however, that JJ literally gives me, in the immortal words of Owen Meany, the shivers.

If ever there was a guy on this program that you could bet your life did mean things to small animals, it’s JJ.

And then there’s Tony. As a lifelong Californian, I can attest that even here Tony could be walking down the street in a gold lame jumpsuit and antlers and he wouldn’t be considered any more strange than he was last night.

“….to cover everyone’s man bits.” I don’t know if the fire hose wrappings were too stiff or what, but there was plenty of fabric to take care of what pixels ended up blurring. You hit it spot on yet again, Ms. Lincee!

Andre
Andre

I agree that the sex education class – child actors or not – was inappropriate.

I can appreciate a good nature lovin’ gypsy, but I was so ready to never have to hear Tony talk again.

Um
Um

Oh my gosh can you even imagine if Tony had been on the sex ed date? Yuck!

maigan
maigan

LOL hilarious recap, I couldn’t WAIT for this one!

I definitely think Clint is just off his rocker and that they are making up the Clint/JJ thing, other than the fact that he is probably saying all this stuff without prompting, because he really is just that crazy, and JJs probably just that dumb. I think she kicks them both out.
I was thinking of your OHCH recap where he said “girls make better TV” but last night’s ep, the guys definitely brought the good TV.
As a child, i LOVED Peter Brady, and Ben H is no exception to my I heart PB rule!! Team Ben H/PB.

chiromom
chiromom

I think Peter Brady is a dead-ringer for an Osmond brother…I was waiting for him to break into song when he was dipping Kaitlyn.

baseballmama
baseballmama

Ugg, I don’t think I can even watch this season. Last night grossed me out in so many ways. I am so very horrified at the whole sex education class. I was sure it was a setup, simply because any real school would be facing law suits about now for their kids being involved. And when a kid came across with a curse word, any teacher I know would be sending his little rear end to the office. But I am furious at the parents that are so desperate to get their kids on TV that they let them be a part of that filth.

Ann
Ann

You are so right! (See my reply to another poster above.)

I am just so appalled!!

chickenlittle
chickenlittle

Could not agree more. I feel like the franchise went to a whole new low (didn’t think that was possible!) with that date… I’m appalled with the way Kaitlyn and the guys laughed and joked about the subject with the children. Disgusting. I’ve been so unimpressed with the filth of this season and it’s bachelorette, that it’s looking more and more like I will not finish the season. Such a shame.

Tots
Tots

Don’t think I can watch. Jumping the shark for me, and I have never missed an episode. Until now.

loves waves
loves waves

Tots, do yourself a big favor and don’t watch it — unless of course you’re prepared to run, not walk, to the hottest longest shower you’ve ever taken. If you’re in California (as I am) you’ll have to break the drought restrictions, I assure you!

baseballmama
baseballmama

I will still read your recaps, but think I am done with this season. Im going to spend my nights watching much more attractive men, who have much higher morals. The St Louis Cardinals. Lincee, check out our manager, he is gorgeous.

loves waves
loves waves

Baseball Mama — Great suggestion — I’m going to join you, except I’ll be watching Stephen Curry of the Golden State Warriors — a gentleman of intelligence, depth, maturity, and appropriate behavior!

Ally
Ally

YouVe got that right, Stephen curry is THE MAN!!!

Ann
Ann

Be sure to search for Stephen Curry/Sports Center/cafeteria line on YouTube. There is a hilarious bit about him and two cafeteria workers. Made me like him and I’m a Spurs fan and haven’t even been watching the finals!

Lynne
Lynne

Baseball Mama- couldn’t agree more! Love my Cardinals and MM!! Have given up watching the show BUT still enjoy the recaps!! Found I was closing my eyes more every episode!!! Thanks, Lincee, for making me laugh at this ridiculousness!!

kelly
kelly

All I can say about this season is that I agree with every single comment. More importantly @baseballmama..I am a diehard Dodger fan, and the Dodgers and Cardinals have had some history, but I will say this…your Manager is so so good looking. Hear hear for baseball season.

R
R

Great recap! What a ride this show is turning out to be…

I was especially irritated with the classroom date this week. Even if they were actors, the way they were laughing about the subject infuriated me. Treating the subject as a joke with children is terrible. I realize the Bachelor/Bachelorette isn’t the classiest of shows, but c’mon! I thought they’d at least have a little dignity!

Maggie
Maggie

WINNER:
“To my outrageous joy, 13 of the 15 guys left standing use their one-on-one time to share with Kaitlyn that Clint is a Grade A Chach. Kaitlyn realizes that Clint has been playing her like Wes Hayden’s number 1 hit in Tijuana, “They Say Love Don’t Come Easy.””

Lyn in Denver...err...Loveland
Lyn in Denver...err...Loveland

I agree. HUGE laugh from me there.

Tammi
Tammi

The previews for next week make it look like the bromance between Clint and JJ is over. I wouldn’t be surprised if JJ slapped himself to make it look like Clint hit him after their ‘tiff’ shown in the previews. He needs to board the crazy train back to Denver to his mommy and daddy’s basement. I feel sorry for his kid, who someday may actually see this and know what a douchbag Daddy JJ is.

Shopgirl
Shopgirl

We can only hope that JJ’s baby mama is running to the courthouse to petition for sole custody of that little girl, with a DVD of these episodes as her evidence…

delyla
delyla

Agree that this was the most cringe worthy episode EVER!!!! I was completely disgusted that children were involved in a raunchy sex education (if you can call it that) class. Actors or not – they had no business hearing such garbage. And seriously, who are these parents that allowed their child to partake in that segment of disgust!!!?????

I also felt the brokeback mountain bachlorette style was quite fake. If Clint is that openly into men – WHY IS HE ON THIS SHOW??? I don’t think that JJ is returning the same feelings – could be why he is slapping his own face. Just a thought!

However, Lincee killed it as always – what I’ll take away is two fine quotes from her majesty!

Pixilated junk or not, the topic of conversation revolves around Kentucky Joe’s left nut. Whether it didn’t stay put, or he cared less about tucking, is still a mystery. The fact that I actually just wrote that sentence is equally baffling.

or

He picks a single weed disguised as a flower and places it in the metaphorical barrel of Kaitlyn’s gun. Or maybe, in this particular case, the metaphorical whip she’s hiding somewhere in her head-to-toe leather Cat Woman costume.

Krista
Krista

This episode contained my favorite line of the entire franchise, I think–

Joshua: “Girls, don’t freak out, but your lining is going to shed.”

Was anyone else crying with laughter over that?!

And God bless you, Lincee, for bravely recapping this mess.

Shelby
Shelby

HAHA! I loved that line too! Joshua is adorable.

Sue
Sue

There was nothing I found humorous in that “sex ed” class. Gross, disgusting, inappropriate and sick were the only words I can use to describe this entire episode, but to involve children is so wrong that I find it depraved. If I was a parent to any of those kids I would file a lawsuit. This show is awful.

Jenn L
Jenn L

This was the most cringe-worthy episode yet! I spent half the episode telling the tv “I CAN’T” from behind my pillow!
The sex ed was COMPLETELY inappropriate. This season needs to calm down and go on some real dates!

I watch the Bachelor simply so I can read your recaps!

Jenn
Jenn

Yep, me too. And whenever someone attempts to judge me for watching, I tell them to read your blog so they don’t think I’m completely cuckoo!

Britt (Not Britt)
Britt (Not Britt)

I’m sorry, but Kaitlyn is completely classless. Not sure if this is being promoted heavily by the producers, but her selection of “dates” are just crass, and the one with the kids was just over the line. WAY over. Actors or not, who are these kids parents? And more importantly, WHY the HECK do these guys on the show think it’s okay to talk that way in front of (and directly to) kids??? Is this what is starting to be socially acceptable now? Do I sound like a complete fuddy duddy by now? Oh well. Worst Bach in history. Entertaining? Yes. But I’m certainly not liking her after this episode (not that I didn’t see this coming this season…she wasn’t ever my pick to begin with). Thanks for your recap, Lincee, and as always, the highlight of my Tuesday. 🙂

Sashya Marie
Sashya Marie

Brit (not brit)
NO, you are NOT a complete fuddy duddy. Or, I must be and that is just NOT possible. This season has NO CLASS. The universe has reached a new low..considering every single time I watch this show my husband states “You know you are losing IQ points…

Jenn
Jenn

You know what? The producers knew the poplar vote was Kaitlyn, so they made her seem likeable and Britt like the mess, but now that Kaitlyn won, they seem to be painting her in the worst light possible, while Britt skips off into the sunset with Brady. I’m sorry, but I’m kinda wishing it was Britt now and I was totally team Kaitlyn to start!

SeaJay

I had a feeling, when on the hometown dates. Kaitlyn walked out to greet Chris from behind a trash dumpster. As a wannabe bride….. But it’s turning out to be worse than I ever imagined. Unfortunately, the franchise probably gave the parents their usual contract which makes filing a lawsuit virtually impossible no matter what the show does or how they edit the footage.

beth
beth

I’d like to know if Kaitlyn is the mastermind behind these dates. They go way beyond fun into the land of inappropriate humor based on other people’s discomfort. Her fun-loving side might be a little warped. The classroom date was outrageously inappropriate and so beyond anything they’ve ever done on the show. If this is the new bachelor franchise trend I’m completely done. However…Lincee, as usual you nailed the recap. Thanks!

Debra
Debra

I doubt they’re her ideas. I think the ABC team is trying to pick things that go with her personality. But yeah, these are pretty terrible.

bean there
bean there

Kaitlyn would have had input in pre-production. So would have Britt. To date, all the scripts make use of locations on the hwy 101 corridor between ABC’s studios and the Mansion. The dates are easily and hastily put together to reflect the lack of lead time for production in the Dual Batchelorette scenario.The overseas dates will hopefully reflect more lead time and better quallity.

BachAddict
BachAddict

Who are you Bean There? Former contestant or former producer?

I think that was the most memorable episode ever.

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