The Great Debate: Fast Food Menu Items

On my refrigerator, there is an invitation for my birthday party two years ago that features a shot of yours truly photoshopped between McCain and Obama, instructing the reader to vote for me…the BEST candidate on that historic election day. Holding this awesome invitation is a magnet that was the inspiration for this post.

It reads: “If you are what you eat, then I’m cheap, easy and fast.”

Isn’t that awful? Yes, it’s no secret to you or the one who gifted me the tacky magnet that I have the eating habits of a sophisticated fourth grader. Therefore, I display it proudly on my Frigidaire. Because it’s true.

I’ve been in the Pennsylvania for four days. You can imagine my utter delight when my good buddy Adam responded to my Great Debate question that I sent him when I was stuck on a rig earlier today:

What are the top five items on any fast food menu?

Adam graciously included evidence to back up his claims:

1. Wendy’s Double
I had to put a Wendy’s burger on this mainly because I think square meat is awesome. Not only does it have clean lines (and those that know me, know I love clean lines) but when the extra meat hangs over the bun, you can take little bites of just meat. It’s like lagniappe (pronounces LAN-yap), which is just a little something extra. I also went with the double and not the famous single, only because it doubles the pleasure!

2. Sonic’s Foot-long Coney
Ok, first off, who doesn’t love Sonic? Especially when they have the employees on skates. I always watch in anticipation for one of them to wipe-out and the food going everywhere. I have yet to see that happen, but with my luck, they would crash into my car while delivering it to me and end up all over me and leather interior.

There really isn’t any other place to get a foot-long hot dog, especially covered with chili and cheese. Plus it’s super manly when you have such a large item you have to use both hands to eat it. Eating a foot-long hot dog with a fork is a sin! If you see someone eating a foot-long coney with a fork, please walk up and slap them, then go slap their mama for making them stupid.

3. Chik-Fil-A’s Chicken Sandwich (Fried or Grilled)
I think this one speaks for itself. Not only do they have pretty cool marketing campaigns (commercial and billboards) but they are also helping cut down on the number of chickens we have in this world. They are also very fast at getting you your food, even when its crowded. Plus the chicken always seems fresh and hot when I get it! I can however, do without the person dressed up as the cow who always seems to be at the Chik-Fil-A that I stop at and proceeds to give me a hug every time I walk in the door. Seriously, if this is you, STOP! You are just as scary and freaky as a clown.

4. Whataburger Breakfast Taquitos
You have three options including: potato, sausage (my favorite) or bacon to go along with egg and cheese. There are times I wish they served them all day, because sometimes you want breakfast for lunch or dinner. However, they do make for a fun treat at 2 or 3 a.m. if you happen to be out or can’t sleep! Just understand if you eat one at 3 a.m. you might not be able to sleep very well or you may wake up wishing you hadn’t. Just saying….

5. Arby’s Roast Beef
I had to throw Arby’s in here just because I do not believe it gets enough love from anyone anymore. Sometimes a burger and a chicken sandwich just do not seem to do the trick, so you need to step out of the box. Along with the Roast Beef Sandwich, which just the right amount of Arby’s sauce can make your mouth water, you have to consider the awesome curly fries that come with the combo. Plus I think the last Arby’s I went to had Cherry Coke and that is just icing on the cake!

My response to Adam’s top five:

Clearly, there is no denying the Chick-Fil-A chicken sandwich. I am in Pennsylvania right now and it makes me sad that they don’t get to eat said sandwich at least once a week as I do. And don’t get me started on how it is inevitable that I will always crave one on Sundays…when they are closed.

I am also on board with your Sonic coney nomination. I agree with your assessment that the foot-long hot dog delivered to your car by people on skates is truly a sight to behold. But I prefer to enjoy mine with a fork. I highly doubt the next time we are together and both order a coney at Sonic, you will slap me for having manners and using utensils. And no…I’m not stupid. Here’s a tip: try the frito pie. You have to ask for it special, but it’s worth it.

Although I too appreciate the brilliance behind Wendy’s square meat, I just can’t condone her double meriting a Top Five fast food item spot. If we were debating desserts, the Wendy’s frosty would be head-to-head with anything on the Sonic slush menu and your cookies-n-cream milkshake. But that’s not the case.

Therefore, I hereby submit the Jack In The Box taco. Lord have mercy! A fried taco? It doesn’t get any better. Two for 99 cents. You can have an entire meal for $2.14 if you drink water out of the faucet. Plus, I hear it’s fat free!

My fourth nomination is Taco Cabana. I love their tortillas and queso. I was introduced to this glorious phenomenon my Freshman year at Baylor when Brian Hopkins took me there after the Howdy dance. It was the best day.

Your nomination of Whataburger breakfast taquitos made me throw up a little in my mouth. I just can’t handle the texture of eggs and tortillas together wallowing around on my taste buds. Call me crazy. Whataburger did make my list though. They have THE BEST ketchup. Obviously, this needs no explanation.

And there are few words that describe my distaste for the Arby’s establishment. And those words are arm and pit. Come on Adam. I implore you to remove Arby’s for Jack’s taco. There’s no contest.

What do you guys think? It’s a good thing Adam is so cute and outgoing, because I totally think he may be on crack for including ARBY’S in his top five. Seriously? Does it get any better than Whataburger ketchup? Is it weird that neither of us had McDonald’s fries on our list? Should we do another debate that includes just desserts? Adam is a firm believer in Chick-Fil-A’s cookies and cream milkshakes and I can make a top five from Dairy Queen blizzards ALONE.

Make your voice heard!


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