My Thoughts on the 2017 Grammy Awards

Music is a big part of my life. That’s why I watch the Grammy Awards every year. You can imagine the punch to my gut when I sit for four hours Goggling the names of most of the performers and nominees. I like to think of it as research, but most of the time I feel like I’m an old lady who is on the brink of listening to only NPR podcasts instead of the latest greatest musical stylings of award-winners like Chance the Rapper.

For those of you who feel like me, I complied a list of highlights and head scratchers from the 2017 Grammy Awards so you can participate in water cooler talk this morning. Enjoy.

The first thing you need to know is that Adele won most of the major awards last night, including Record and Album of the Year. She thanked Beyoncé for being her light, broke her own Grammy in half to share with Queen Bee, and asked if Beyoncé would be her mummy. If you listened through the cheering crowd, you could hear a collective “me too?” from the audience.

Grammy Awards 2017

Beyoncé performed a stunning number that lasted no less than ten minutes. I’m not completely sure what it was about. It was part video Beyoncé in a bikini, part live Beyoncé in a gold dress, and all goddess divine. There were chairs, lady dancers, rose petals galore, a long table, yards of gold lamé, and a very pregnant Beyoncé singing about womanhood/motherhood. This is why Adele and Company want Beyoncé to be their mummy. Bee later changed into a sparkly plunging red number, with a diamond necklace dripping down her shiny cleavage. She looked good.

Hello Again
Adele sang a tribute to George Michael and one minute in, she cursed into the microphone, turned to her 22-piece orchestra, apologized to the show runner, and asked the band to please start again. She apparently hit a wrong note or said a wrong verse and was MORTIFIED that she was besmirching Sir George’s memory. She began crying and the audience swelled in support for her to START OVER! After, when I was sure the camera would cut to commercial since this is a live show, the director panned over various faces who were standing and clapping for the British songbird. I may have teared up too.

Jenny From the Block
Jennifer Lopez does not age. And she can rock a slit in her skirt like nobody’s business.

Relationship Status
During The Weekend’s solo with Daft Punk, I found myself searching Google to see what Daft Punk looks like without their Star Wars helmets and if The Weekend was still dating Selena Gomez. I also wondered why The Weekend was singing in Superman’s ice fortress.

Adele Dazeem
John Travolta couldn’t read the teleprompter, which was unfortunate. Thank goodness he had the wherewithal to improvise an introduction for the next musical guest by working in Saturday Night Fever, Urban Cowboy, and Grease references. That’s talent.

She Bangs
While watching Keith Urban, I contemplated getting bangs again. I also decided I need an aggressive leg workout, thanks to Carrie Underwood’s stems.

Jonas U.K. Version
Nick Jonas had a legit bedazzled jacket. He also adopted an English accent.

Boxers or Briefs?
A group named Twenty One Pilots won for Best Pop Duo/Group Performance. They accepted their award in their underwear. I though it was a silly bit at first, but one part of the duo said that when they were nobodies watching the Grammys in their underwear several years ago, they agreed that if they ever won one, they would accept the award exactly like they were dressed back when they didn’t have anything. The audience LOVED it. So did I. Not enough to buy their record, but enough to file them away as adorable boys.

Grammy Awards 2017

You get all sorts of information in this picture. There are Twenty One Pilots, pantsless. There’s Joe and his bedazzled jacket. And there’s a dude who brought out the Grammy award. This part is typically played by a tween-like girl. PS: I never saw this dude again during the night.

The Missing Weasley
Ed Sheeran played by himself on the Grammy stage with nothing but a guitar, keyboard, two microphones, and a machine called the Chewie II that allowed him to record himself playing all sorts of parts and then mixing it up to be a one-man show. It was really cool and I was irritated with the audience for NOT standing up and giving this guy the props he deserved.

Carpool Karaoke
James Corden did a decent job as host. I liked the carpool karaoke bit. Neil Diamond and J-Lo leading the audience singing “Sweet Caroline” with John Legend, Faith and Tim McGraw was a sight to behold. Little Blue Ivy wandering over to join the fun with her rhinestone kitty purse was the icing on the cake. This kid is musical royalty.

Cheeks I Want To Squeeze
Bruno Mars’. Especially when he pays tribute to Prince by dressing like him AND playing the guitar like him.

Things I Didn’t Expect To See
Guys in white leotards. Thanks to Katy Perry’s new song, I can scratch that off my bucket list.

Maren Morris
This is a country music name you should know. She won a Grammy and sang with Alicia Keys. Maren chose to wear a sparkly bodysuit with matching sheer robe in this epic moment. Bless her. I’m so glad she sounded good and sort of held her own against Alicia.

Enter Sandman
Lady GaGa sang with Metallica. Well, she sang while Metallica had technical difficulties. Nothing a little body surfing couldn’t help.

Taking Us To Church
Everything is better with a Gospel choir. Thanks for proving my point, Chance the Rapper.

Stayin’ Alive
Demi Lovato looked amazing on the red carpet and during her tribute to the BeeGees. Barry Gibb was having a ball in the audience. Demi out sang everyone else on the stage. I may have to start listening to her music…

People To Spotify
Chance the Rapper and Sturgill Simpson.

People Whose Hearts We Need To Bless from the 2017 Grammy Awards: Cee Lo Green

Grammy Awards 2017

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