My thoughts on the Golden Globes

Golden Globes

Each year, celebrities gather together in a hotel ballroom and wait patiently for the next commercial break so they can run over to chat with Oprah, pitch their script to Rob Marshall and fill up on more booze. The Hollywood Foreign Press calls this The Golden Globes.

Inevitably, I settle in for three hours of, “What is she wearing?” and “Why have I never heard of any of these movies?” Here are some of my favorite highlights from the night:

1. Tina and Amy’s “Would You Rather”
Tina: Colin Farrel or Colin Firth?
Amy: Farrel. All day.
Tina: Firth for a polite amount of time.

Amy: Ed Norton or Mark Ruffalo?
Tina: Oh. Which one was The Hulk?
Amy: Both of them.
Tina: Shoot. Okay, I’ll take Norton because he’s “method” and he can act like he was into it.
Amy: I’ll take Mark because everyone knows I like it Ruffalo.

Amy: Chris Pine or…
Tina: CHRIS PINE! I’m sorry. Was that too loud?
Lincee: Not at all Tina. I’m right there with you.

Tina: Rich Linklater or Alejandro González Iñárritu?
Amy: I’m gonna say Iñárritu. One take, two hours straight, no stopping.
Tina: No. Linklater. Five minutes, once a year.

2. I Don’t Get It
Was the exchange between Jennifer Aniston and my beloved Cumberbatch a bit? She did not look happy if it was an unplanned schtick. It’s like they were on a break or something.

3. ANNA!
Joanne Froggatt wins Best Supporting Actress! At the exact same time her show Downton Abbey is playing on the red-headed public broadcast station one channel over!

4. Funniest Quote at the Expense of Jenny
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JLo: I can open the envelope. I’ve got the fingernails.
Jeremy: You’ve also got the globes.

5. Sweetest Quote: Gina Rodriguez – Jane the Virgin
“My father used to tell me to say every morning, ‘Today is a good day and I can.’ Well Dad, today is a good day and I did.”

6. The Artist
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Allison Janney and Viola Davis freaking out over Prince. I would totally geek out too.

7. Matthew Bomer
His hair may look off, but he’s still hot.

8. Big Eyes
I think Amy Adams and I would be friends if given the opportunity.

9. Golden Arches
Since when do McDonald commercials make me cry?

10. Funny + Hot = Winning Combination
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Adam: I’m Adam Levine
Paul: And I’m Blake Shelton

11. Velma Kelly
Catherine Zeta-Jones does not age.

12. $#$@
Kevin Spacey dropped an f-bomb in his acceptance speech and still manages to be classy.

13. Cecil B. DeMille Award
Clooney is epic. So is his wife.

14. CBS vs. NBC
My dream is that one day, Chris Pratt and Anna Faris will adopt me.

15. Batman
Michael Keaton’s acceptance speech and tribute to his son made me experience all sorts of feels.

16. Hair Today, Gone Tomorrow
Matthew McConaughey’s beard is about to take a life of its own. It will, no doubt, drive a Lincoln.

How do you think Tina and Amy performed? Do you think Boyhood was Best Picture worthy? Did you feel that McConaughey’s beard was an epic feat of engineering? Why was everyone so orange? Sound off in the comments section!

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