Twenty thoughts on the 20/20 special

1.   First and foremost, for the love of all things chachtastic and awesome, why was I not called to provide “normal” commentary from a Bachelor blog I’ve been writing since 2003?  I’m convinced it’s because that other blogger had the word “bachelor” in her website title.  Stupid green beans.

2.   Executive producer Mike Fleiss said that when the show handed them lemons, they often were forced to produce lemonade moments.  I share that philosophy.  When life hands me lemons, I add Vodka.

3.   Our Host Chris Harrison compared Jake to one of the many Bachelorettes that have been on the show.  I’d say that’s about accurate.

4.   Quote from another executive producer when asked about Jake’s choice of Vienna as his soon-to-be-bride:  “Lust conquers all.”

5.   Our Host Chris Harrison admitted he feels like a tool when he has to tell the Bachelor that “this is the final rose.”  ABC claims that this is a catch phrase that is sweeping the nation.  Clearly, we all know that “cheese ass” and “oh my awesome” have reached a wider audience.  Again…something I bring to the table that would have made last night more memorable.

6.   A relationship therapist claims that The Bachelor is still successful because all women dream for a Cinderella moment.

7.   Executive Producer Mike Fleiss claims that the show is still successful because women like to see other women get into cat fights and scream at each other while drunk.

8.   When asked by the reporter if Trista and Ryan are going to tell their kids how they met, normally mute Ryan says that they will tell them to “push play.”

9.   Confirmed:  ABC hires a psychotherapist.  I KNEW IT!

1o.   Adorable Reid admitted that women come up to him but he has to let them down easy because he is dating Miss America.  Of course.

11.   Executive Producer Mike Fleiss actually laughed when asked about why they left poor Peyton stranded on a helipad on an aircraft carrier.  “That was good, right?  Women like to see other women in misery.”

12.   Mike Fleiss is both disturbed and brilliant.

13.   He Who Must Not Be Named has been punched, kicked, slapped, had his hair pulled and a drink thrown in his face.  There is justice in this world.

14.   British Bachelor Matt Grant had 20 thousand dollars worth of work done on his teeth and claims he is a rock star in England.

15.   Mike Fleiss averages that there are about three hook-ups per season.  Except for Bob Guiney who tapped five women.  Then he channeled Old School and shouted, “You’re my boy Bob!”  Suspicions confirmed.

16.   Melissa admits that she was not attracted to Jason.  Instead she fell under the spell of the show.  She knew Jason would break up with her on the private set, but didn’t know he was going back to Molly.  She can’t watch the show, the proposal or the dumping because she’s too busy watching her hotter than crap husband or working the red carpet for Entertainment Tonight.

17.   Hotter than Crap Brad Womack went into hiding because Ellen told her viewers he was the biggest jerk in America.  He’s been self analyzing for two years and is ready to face DDAHnna.  Ironically, she understand totally why he chose neither her nor Jenni and admits that she should have sent her snow boarder packing.  DDAHnna does a few back spins that she learned from Stephen and peaces out of there.

18.   Mary Mary dropped her entire life to be with her Centrum Silver man and even started fishing when she wasn’t launching his boat and staying in motels so he could be a professional bass man.  The age-less wonder ended up in jail two birthdays in a row because of the moves she learned in kick boxing class.  In a moment of irony, ABC tells us that the reality show couple couldn’t handle reality.

19.   Sweet Meredith has a cookbook for couples and is marrying a dude named Phil Micker Fitz Major.  At least that’s what it sounded like.  And Prince Lorenzo is hocking dog items on QVC.  You go Prince.

20.  Ali, the California Dreamer, (ugh) is gearing up for her chance at love in May.  Apparently all her clothes are free and there will be a picnic at the Hollywood sign.

Now it’s your turn.  Did I leave anything out?  What were your favorite moments?

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Sarah
March 16, 2010 11:13 am

You are so funny, Lincee! My coworkers and I read your blog each week following the Bachelor. I’ve sent your blog to Kiptynite as well… he’s friends with a lot of other bachelor/ettes, so maybe you should find him on facebook and befriend them all and send them the link. It could do you wonders. 🙂 You are as funny and creative as they get – may as well let it take you somewhere.

nicole
nicole
March 16, 2010 11:14 am

I would have to say the best part was the segment they spent on Jake and Vienna making her very FIRST peanut butter and honey sandwich (apparently she was living under a rock in FL). It took so long because they were too busy kissing and cuddling to spread some peanut butter and honey on some bread. I lost 10 minutes of my life I’ll never get back.

bls
bls
March 16, 2010 11:24 am

One of my favorite moments: checking in with Meredith — always liked her; good to see her. Favorite moment with crickets: Melissa asking He Who Shall Remain Nameless….”so, did you have a girlfriend while on the show?” HWSRN response…. crickets chirping…ummmm…uhhhh….no (yeah, right…liar, liar pants on fire) Worst bachelor EVER: Lorenzo…would have said Jake, but was reminded that Lorenzo is such a dork and he looks like a little boy trying to wear his dad’s suit…. BUT, do love that he loves dogs so maybe Jake is the worst bachelor EVER. Best bachelorette guy that should have gone on to… Read more »

True
True
March 16, 2010 11:31 am

Loved that show last night! I thought it was finally paying off…all the hours spent watching those stupid shows…just to get all the behind the scenes stuff. Mr. Fleiss kind of creeps me out. A genius…perhaps…but creepy in a “Lester the Molester” sort of way. Loved the stuff on Bob. He’s been my favorite Bachelor because he was just SO AWFUL and sleezy. I always liked Firestone. It was nice to see him with his sweet wife and baby. And…who was the dude that does the sign language??? I totally don’t remember him…but could have fallen head over heals for… Read more »

ally
ally
March 16, 2010 11:35 am

JERRY!!! was the sign language guy!!! soooooo hot!!!

loved, loved, loved brad and reid and meredith and even Estellla

bls
bls
March 16, 2010 11:38 am

yeah – Jerry —- that’s who I was talking about….Jenn’s castoff that should have been a bachelor — what an all-around stud! Loved him! How did he slip through the cracks?

Cindi
Cindi
March 16, 2010 11:43 am

I had to take a loooong hot shower after having that creepy disturbing Mike Fleiss in my living room. Eeeew. Ick. Blah.

amanda in austin
amanda in austin
March 16, 2010 11:54 am

Brad is most definitely still Hotter. Than. Crap. Whoa, mama! I am now on Mission: Womack to hunt him down here in Austin.

janet
janet
March 16, 2010 12:03 pm

I agree with everyone. Fleiss was icky, like big time ICKY!!! Good show though. I missed the first hour, but caught the last bit. Pretty good show.

Oklabachfan
Oklabachfan
March 16, 2010 12:03 pm

Melissa admitted that she knew her relationship wasn’t working out so her reaction to Jason the night they broke up was over the top fake. She wasn’t attracted, wasn’t interested, and they weren’t even speaking much prior to that night so why was she so offended that he admitted he had feelings for Molly. I think she was fake and manipulative to act as if she was so hurt and angry. How can you be hurt when there are no feelings for someone? And her reasons for going on the show were less than honorable. She didn’t do herself any… Read more »

Reno
Reno
March 16, 2010 12:14 pm

Jerry, the most gorgeous candidate ever on this show! I think the reason they didn’t go on to use him as the Bachelor was that he was fed up with it by the end and was not the type of guy to play along. At the ATFR he scratched his nose with his middle finger and I think he admitted somewhere that he did it on purpose, a subtle? way of showing how he felt about the whole deal.
Mary looked beautiful. So did Estela.

Marly
Marly
March 16, 2010 12:18 pm

Lincee, that other blogger was chosen because she lives in NYC, so it was convenient for the producers. We all know you would have been way more entertaining!

beens
beens
March 16, 2010 12:18 pm

Lincee, I thought the same exact things as your #1 & #9. I felt a little bitter for you towards the blogger that was on the show. I know, I know, it’s silly.

Ash
Ash
March 16, 2010 12:26 pm

Could Mike Fleiss be any more slimey??????? ISH. Only 1/2 of the girls are there for “love”? The rest are for ratings???

Christie
Christie
March 16, 2010 1:05 pm

OMG I was thinking the exact same thing when I saw that other chick. I was thinking what?? That’s not Lincee! What the hell!!!!

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