Twenty thoughts on the 20/20 special

1.   First and foremost, for the love of all things chachtastic and awesome, why was I not called to provide “normal” commentary from a Bachelor blog I’ve been writing since 2003?  I’m convinced it’s because that other blogger had the word “bachelor” in her website title.  Stupid green beans.

2.   Executive producer Mike Fleiss said that when the show handed them lemons, they often were forced to produce lemonade moments.  I share that philosophy.  When life hands me lemons, I add Vodka.

3.   Our Host Chris Harrison compared Jake to one of the many Bachelorettes that have been on the show.  I’d say that’s about accurate.

4.   Quote from another executive producer when asked about Jake’s choice of Vienna as his soon-to-be-bride:  “Lust conquers all.”

5.   Our Host Chris Harrison admitted he feels like a tool when he has to tell the Bachelor that “this is the final rose.”  ABC claims that this is a catch phrase that is sweeping the nation.  Clearly, we all know that “cheese ass” and “oh my awesome” have reached a wider audience.  Again…something I bring to the table that would have made last night more memorable.

6.   A relationship therapist claims that The Bachelor is still successful because all women dream for a Cinderella moment.

7.   Executive Producer Mike Fleiss claims that the show is still successful because women like to see other women get into cat fights and scream at each other while drunk.

8.   When asked by the reporter if Trista and Ryan are going to tell their kids how they met, normally mute Ryan says that they will tell them to “push play.”

9.   Confirmed:  ABC hires a psychotherapist.  I KNEW IT!

1o.   Adorable Reid admitted that women come up to him but he has to let them down easy because he is dating Miss America.  Of course.

11.   Executive Producer Mike Fleiss actually laughed when asked about why they left poor Peyton stranded on a helipad on an aircraft carrier.  “That was good, right?  Women like to see other women in misery.”

12.   Mike Fleiss is both disturbed and brilliant.

13.   He Who Must Not Be Named has been punched, kicked, slapped, had his hair pulled and a drink thrown in his face.  There is justice in this world.

14.   British Bachelor Matt Grant had 20 thousand dollars worth of work done on his teeth and claims he is a rock star in England.

15.   Mike Fleiss averages that there are about three hook-ups per season.  Except for Bob Guiney who tapped five women.  Then he channeled Old School and shouted, “You’re my boy Bob!”  Suspicions confirmed.

16.   Melissa admits that she was not attracted to Jason.  Instead she fell under the spell of the show.  She knew Jason would break up with her on the private set, but didn’t know he was going back to Molly.  She can’t watch the show, the proposal or the dumping because she’s too busy watching her hotter than crap husband or working the red carpet for Entertainment Tonight.

17.   Hotter than Crap Brad Womack went into hiding because Ellen told her viewers he was the biggest jerk in America.  He’s been self analyzing for two years and is ready to face DDAHnna.  Ironically, she understand totally why he chose neither her nor Jenni and admits that she should have sent her snow boarder packing.  DDAHnna does a few back spins that she learned from Stephen and peaces out of there.

18.   Mary Mary dropped her entire life to be with her Centrum Silver man and even started fishing when she wasn’t launching his boat and staying in motels so he could be a professional bass man.  The age-less wonder ended up in jail two birthdays in a row because of the moves she learned in kick boxing class.  In a moment of irony, ABC tells us that the reality show couple couldn’t handle reality.

19.   Sweet Meredith has a cookbook for couples and is marrying a dude named Phil Micker Fitz Major.  At least that’s what it sounded like.  And Prince Lorenzo is hocking dog items on QVC.  You go Prince.

20.  Ali, the California Dreamer, (ugh) is gearing up for her chance at love in May.  Apparently all her clothes are free and there will be a picnic at the Hollywood sign.

Now it’s your turn.  Did I leave anything out?  What were your favorite moments?

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