I’ll admit it. Week six of Hannah’s journey to find someone other than Luke P. was an entertainment sponge. And the ABC producers knew it. They were smart enough to shove a bunch of drama in the first half and savvy enough to anticipate the tremors which would unavoidably rip through social media outlets after giving us nothing in the second.

Broadcast an hour’s worth of recap and Bachelor Nation will revolt. Don’t waste my time. My boy Zachary Levi was hosting the MTV movie awards and I chose to record it instead of live tweeting my love for him in real time. That might have been MY one chance to begin my own journey to find love with a nerdy superhero. Thanks ABC.

It’s obvious that they announced the Bachelor in Paradise season 6 cast to try and take our minds off of their treacherous behavior. Lucky for them, the list is 80-percent exciting, 19-percent annoying, and one-percent random. Let’s meet them!

Demi
Colton’s Season
Why you remember her: She’s unforgettable. And I predict she will have a blast in Paradise, but she will go home without finding love.

Tayshia
Colton’s Season
Why you remember her: Tayshia was the only lucky girl who got to experience somewhat of a fantasy suite with Colton before he jumped a fence and ran in the general direction of Cassie.

Blake
Becca’s Season
Why you remember him: Blake could have been in Paradise last year, but he was too busy sweating nervously as Becca chose Garrett to be her lifelong soulmate. I think Hannah G. will be the girl he tries to woo. I also think every girl there will want to be woo’d by Blake.

Bibiana
Arie’s Season
Why you remember her: Bibiana is everywhere. She’s sort of the fun version of Luke P. in that she refuses to leave. Not only did she drop mics all during Arie’s season, but she participated in the train wreck known as Bachelor Winter Games and last season’s Bachelor in Paradise. She will be the island’s resident assistant, giving everyone advice in their love lives. She and Demi will probably hate each other.

John Paul Jones
Hannah’s Season
Why you remember him: He’s the youngest Hanson brother. He will be the one who drinks all day long and becomes best friends with Wells. Someone quirky or straight up odd will have to go for him, and I think that someone might be Havana Nicole. Newsflash: He’ll have no idea that she likes him, and she’ll cry when he asks someone else on a date.

Clay
Becca’s Season
Why you remember him: Clay was the NFL guy who broke his arm playing football in one of the early weeks of Becca’s season. He’s the nice guy who wants a nice girl. He’ll lay low at first and then the ladies will swoon when they realize he’s sort of Mr. Perfect.

ABC
Hannah’s Season:
Why you remember him: Thanks to his chach-tastic behavior, he is the chachiest of all the former chaches on this show. He will drive everyone (but John Paul Jones) NUTS. He will go after one girl hard, and she will feel bad for not liking him back. When all else fails, he will turn to everyone’s last resort — Annaliese.

Hello, gorgeous.

Onyeka
Colton’s Season
Why you remember her: She was borderline obnoxious and always carried a blow horn around with her.

Katie
Colton’s Season
Why you remember her: Katie was normal. Completely normal. She’s going on the show because she believes in the process ands to find love, but she’ll leave bloated and exhausted.

Hannah G.
Colton’s Season
Why you remember her: Again, we don’t know if she was the runner-up or not, because as I mentioned above, Colton jumped a fence and ran in Cassie’s general direction. I will say that she is one who will turn heads. There will be at least two dudes who confess they agreed to come on the show just to meet her. She’ll do well in a “it’s just like camp!” sort of way.

Derek
JoJo’s Season (I KNOW, RIGHT?)
Why you remember him: First, who could forget that face? Second, he practically fell in love in front of our eyes with Taylor two Bachelor in Paradises ago. Remember her? She hated Platinum Vagine Corinne. Derek didn’t propose in Mexico, but he did drop down on one knee during the after show. Evidently, that union is no longer intact. If Derek has a physical type, he’ll go after Sydney. If not, I predict he will fawn over Caelyn.

Havana Nicole
Colton’s Season
Why you remember her: She cried all season long, but you can’t be mad at her about that. ALL SHE WANTS IS TO FIND LOVE IN PARADISE LIKE ASHLEY I-LASHES AND JARED. Is that too much to ask?

Sydney
Colton’s Season
Why you remember her: Sydney came out of the gate strong with some sultry dance moves, but lost her momentum somewhere along the Hannah B. / Caelyn feud. She removed herself from the competition in week 6.

Annaliese
Arie’s Season
#bless
#helloboobjob

Caelyn
Colton’s Season
Why you remember her: After swearing that she and Hannah B. were totally cool with each other, Caelyn was further scrutinized for having the audacity to say out loud that she was vying for the position of future bachelorette. Her arch nemesis got that gig and she’s off to Paradise. She will be pursued. And she will take her time deciding who will float her boat.

Jane
Colton’s Season
Why you remember her: You technically don’t. She was gone in a blink on night one of Colton’s season. Jane is the one who gave him a picture with their dogs photoshopped together like they were best friends. Colton smelled the crazy and excused her from the lineup. I assume either her dad is a producer or her brother is a camera man. Time will tell.

Wills
Becca’s Season
Why you remember him: Life of the party and always the best dressed. I am really, really, really concerned about that hair, though.

Kevin/Keith
Hannah’s Season
Why you remember him: His name is come and go, but his eyes are certainly noteworthy. Although we’ve never heard him utter anything other than, “I think I dislocated my shoulder,” I have high hopes that someone will give him the time of day. I also have high hopes that he will wear sunscreen. WHITE THUNDER!

Chris
Emily Mayndard’s Season
Bachelor PAD (throwback!) Season 1 and 2
Andi’s Season
Bachelor in Paradise 1 and 2
Why you remember him: He made a big deal that he was retiring from Bachelor franchise creepin’. That lasted five seconds. If Annaliese isn’t chached out by ABC, she’ll definitely go for him. At the old man age of 32, I highly doubt any of the young ones will look twice.

With an unequal ratio of men to women, I’d say a few more of Hannah’s rejects will be hitting the beaches. Who do you think will come down the cobblestone stairway with a date card in hand? Let me know in the comments section!