Bachelor Matt Recap: Half the Women Tell All
Bachelor Matt James | Women Tell All|
As with most Women Tell All episodes, I prepared myself for a night full of ruffled feathers and consuming a stiff drink in anticipation of a long episode that could easily have been culled to twenty-five minutes of important information.
What I didn’t expect was the power to go out for three hours, forcing me to retreat to the only other person in my life who still has regular television and a DVR. I want to thank Todd for being a delightful backup. You are the wind beneath my wings.
I’d also like to thank the amazing folks over at Last Night’s Game for sending me the most ADORABLE personalized Oreos with the iHateGreenBeans logo proudly surrounded by sprinkles. To say these people know my love language is an understatement.
Once I finally polished off two (or four) Oreos and settled myself in front of Todd’s big screen, it occurred to me that the feel of this season’s WTA was off. There was a palpable vibe that I sensed through the airwaves. The best way I can describe it is that everyone felt on edge. There was no humor. There may have been a handful of light moments. And all of the women seemed to want to be anywhere else rather than socially distanced, sitting on clear acrylic chairs in an empty studio near Burbank.
Here’s what we learned:
- Khaylah can rock a pair of earrings that are the size of frisbees and think nothing of it.
- MJ and Jessenia will never share a BeFri necklace. MJ would like you to know that she was kidding when she labeled the “new girls” as the JV team. She also apologizes for her poor choice of words. I never heard her apologize for her unfortunate monochromatic dress that happened to be the same color as her skin and hair, but I haven’t checked social media lately, so that may have occurred in the last few hours.
- Ryan has not, nor will she ever, forgive Victoria for calling her a “ho” on national television. Victoria thinks she’s super sensitive and should get over her “upset-ness.” Why be so emotional, Ryan?
- Victoria apologizes to Katie, who gladly accepts and is ready to move on from this show. Also, if you experienced backlash from your own words, that’s your own karma. (Probably not a wise choice of words, Katie. You should have quit while you were ahead.)
- Chelsea tells Katie that death threats are never acceptable. She thinks Katie is the reason why the house was toxic because everything snowballed after Katie told Matt James that the girls were spreading rumors that could ruin a girl’s life.
- FYI: What Katie said is true.
- HOWEVER, Serena C. is still ticked at Katie and wants to know what she thought she would gain by tattling to Matt James. Katie’s answer? Nothing. She was doing it to be nice.
- Brittany and Abigail wore the same dress. I think it’s the same as the traveling salmon-colored blazer during Hannah Brown’s season.
- Brittany is still not an escort.
- But if you Google her name, the first twenty results would tell you otherwise.
- Anna blames anger and insecurity as the reasons she sabotaged Brittany. She’d also like you to know that Brittany’s old boyfriends and classmates really did message her to say Brittany entertained people for money. So she wasn’t lying, technically. Also, she wants Brittany to know this situation sucks.
- Do you think?
- The apology was very scripted, yet it doesn’t matter because the damage has been done.
- ABC did not air a rather interesting looking date titled, “What’s in the box?” Women had to blindly put their hand in a box full of fire crickets or flesh-eating worms, searching for a fake version of Uncle Neil’s engagement rings. What did this accomplish?
- About as much as eating pancakes and drinking beer and shotgunning a raw egg.
- ABC also blessed us by NOT showing us a rousing game of Hide-And-Seek, which lasted seven hours and ended with seven women in a hot tub, waiting for Kit to finally give up wandering through the woods.
- While in the hot seat, Katie tells OHCH that this experience is the hardest thing she’s ever done. She was falling for Matt James and had no idea he treated the other women how he treated her.
- Abigail is a rock star in the deaf community now and proves she has what it takes to be the next bachelorette. That is if you like your lead to be as sweet as saccharine and surrounded by cartoon woodland creatures who help her get dressed in the morning.
- Pieper is still bitter about her jilting the week before hometowns. She admits that Matt James has the ability to make every woman feel special, so she gets why she was blindsided. Also, she’s trying to bring Bridgerton fashion to the modern-day world and would love for you, too, to try wearing a corset as a top.
- I will not be doing that, but thank you for trying.
- Serena P. stands by her sister’s decision to dump Matt James due to lack of chemistry.
- Matt James has a legit beard, complete with oil that makes his whiskers sparkle under the hot studio lights.
- Even though Victoria cries in front of Matt James, he manages to keep his eyes averted from her fully exposed cleavage and apologizes for dropping the ball when it came to her relationship.
- Did anyone else notice that Blonde Heather was one of the women on the panel, yet they never cut to her? She didn’t utter a word, but if you look back at the tape, you’ll see her sitting to the left of Katie. She is in NONE of the promo photos from the night. Why is this, do you think?
- Mr. Harrison has a much-needed intervention with Matt James. The open eye kissing has to stop. In an adorable fit of admission, Matt James tells Chris that he had no idea this was a major no-no. Harrison takes a poll, and all fifteen ladies agree that Matt James needs to lock it down when making out with a woman. It’s okay to peek, sure, but he must not watch. That’s just creepy.
- The blooper reel was mediocre.
- During the scenes for next week, we see Matt James’ father at the resort. I fear this is the reason Matt James cries uncontrollably in other shots from the finale.
- It seems Rachael is crying a lot during the finale, too.
- What will happen? We must tune in to find out!