Bachelor Mesnick Recap: Jason and Molly are Married!
Once upon a time, there was a handsome single dad from Seattle who was looking for love and searching for a soulmate. He found his true love, dumped her on TV, and asked Molly to marry him. What a love story.
That’s right ladies and gentlemen. According to Harrison, this is the wedding that America has been waiting for!
Seriously. I didn’t make that part up. He actually said that on camera. With a straight face. And a twinkle in his eye.
I thought it might be fun to make last night’s curious, memorable, and head shakable moments into a quiz. Get all the answers right and you could win your very own pair of kicky green Manolo Blahniks!
Which was more cheesetastic concerning Jason’s opening montage?
a. His tough guy facial scruff that, when left to grow on its own accord, would turn into full-blown mountain man in a matter of hours.
b. Jason’s “Be Present” t-shirt.
c. Jason carrying Molly around Seattle on his back as if she were a baby Cottontop Tamarin monkey at the Bronx Zoo.
d. How he rhymed “star gazing” with “amazing” in a pre-ceremony note that the wedding coordinator made him craft before she attached it to the wedding bouquet.
Which was your favorite location in which Jason began to cry?
a. On the bench when he’s remembering dumping Melissa on TV.
b. In the meadow when Ty comes running toward him.
c. The altar when Molly walks down the aisle.
d. When Jason reflects upon his journey, as he looks at his father’s reflection, while trying on tuxedos. That’s deep.
Moment you knew there will inevitably be a naughty x-rated tape of Vienna and Jake.
a. When Jake said, “A day with us will make you throw up.”
b. When Jake said over a pot of boiling noodles, “I feel deprived. I need a kiss.”
c. Eating one of the said noodles a la Lady and the Tramp.
d. Jake covering Vienna’s eyes as they watch Ali straddle him in the middle of a park in San Francisco. This actually turns Vienna on.
The moment in which you screamed and pointed at the TV:
a. When you spotted the ABC Intern frantically throwing plastic over anything that stood still.
b. The fact that the ABC Intern was wearing a black “Bachelor” shirt.
c. The fact that the ABC Intern was hotter in person than in your imagination.
d. All of the above.
Which of these statements presents the bigger Jim Halpert face moment during the Jill and Ed montage?
a. Jill is planning a wedding and there is no wedding date.
b. Jill is happy that their potential wedding location has a lake, or an ocean, or a body of water nearby.
Which song best describes the moment following former Bachelor Charlie’s announcement that he and Sarah will be moving in together at the precise same moment Sarah says she won’t be moving in with Charlie until she’s engaged?
a. Single Ladies by Beyoncé
b. Breaking Up Is Hard To Do by Neil Sedaka
c. This Will Be (An Everlasting Love) by Natalie Cole
d. Don’t Know What You’ve Got ‘Til It’s Gone by Cinderella
Which sponsor had the best product placement of the night?
a. Neil Lane – Official ring sponsor of The Bachelor
b. Macy’s – Official wedding registry sponsor of The Bachelor
c. Bellagio – Official Bachelorette/Bachelor party sponsor of The Bachelor.
d. Ken Paves – Official hair extension sponsor of The Bachelor.
Why did Molly and Jason feel that their wedding planning was super easy?
a. Because ABC paid for the entire thing.
b. Because ABC paid for the entire thing with the help of Macy’s.
c. Because ABC threatened to pull the plug if Molly and Jason didn’t like everything the wedding coordinator (paid for by ABC) suggested.
d. Because ABC paid for the entire thing. For reals.
The seventeen girls who were invited to Molly’s bachelorette party consisted of:
a. Her sister, bridesmaids, and house party.
b. Her sister, bridesmaids, and any Pi Phi pledge class members who were still single and available that Saturday.
c. Her sister, bridesmaids, and daughters of top executives and Macy’s.
d. Her sister, bridesmaids, and the floor show from Cher’s musical extravaganza at Caesars Palace.
Jaw-dropping, high fiving one-liners from the show:
a. Stripper teaching Molly to dance: “We start with grabbing the ankles. And then push the butt up.”
b. A nameless dude toasting Jason: “Of all the women Jason has proposed to, Molly is the best.”
c. ABC security tackling a member of the paparazzi, putting him in a head lock and hand cuffing him on the side of a ravine. No quote needed.
d. Jason Castro playing his ukulele while singing “Somewhere Over the Rainbow” while a rainbow is actually in the sky.
Favorite Ty moments:
a. Ty making brownies with Molly on national TV.
b. Ty tackling Molly at a park on national TV.
c. Ty reading a book with Molly on national TV.
d. Jason telling his Dad that he and his ex-wife have decided that Ty shouldn’t be on national TV.
Best former Bachelor cameos that made you think of six degrees of separation:
a. DDAHnna, who dumped Jake for Jesse the snow boarder, smiles lovingly at her new boyfriend Stephen who is the brother of Break Dancer Mikey who was dumped by Jillian. Harrison looks at DDAHnna’s left hand which is ringless. Mute Stephen says nothing. DDAHnna scolds Harrison for scaring her boyfriend. NOW SHE’LL NEVER GET MARRIED OR HAVE AN ABC WEDDING SPONSORED BY MACY’S.
b. Jillian, who was dumped by the groom, is there with Ed. Our Host asks if there is a wedding date set. Ed laughs and gives Hare a “bless his heart” look as Jillian confirms that their Macy’s sponsored wedding will have blue skies. Or at the very least, an inside contingency plan.
c. Snow boarder Jesse, who was dumped by DDAHnna sitting two rows over, had a wing man in Richard and is totally getting the 4-1-1 on Nikki who was also dumped by Jason.
d. Single Mom Stephanie, who was let go by Jason, is wearing the latest fashion forward style – pink fur. Her outfit was sponsored by the letter Q and the number 7.
The torrential downpour during Jason and Molly’s vows reminded you of:
a. Hurricane Ike
b. That scene in Karate Kid II where Daniel San has to save the little girl ringing the emergency weather bell.
c. Gene Kelly
d. Your worst nightmare.
True or False
Our Host announced during his toast that he had a surprise for the newly wed couple. Instead of a wedding song by Gavin DeGraw, you thought Melissa Rycroft was going to pop out of the cake.
True or False
Molly actually told Jason that their story was the perfect trifecta of reality, romance, and roses.
True or False
The statement above made you throw up a little in your mouth.