Bachelorette Becca recap: Chicken Dance

Hi there! My name is Lincee Ray and I’ve been recapping The Bachelor since 2003. No, I did not lose a bet, nor is this my everyday job. I simply adore Our Host Chris Harrison and feel it is my duty to support him wherever he goes. One of these days, he will acknowledge my adoration by appointing me as his personal assistant. I will finally be able to confirm what he smells like instead of taking educated guesses.

Also, I watch each and every season because I will always root for a love story. Even ones that involve chicken suits, folks not being there for the right reasons, and filthy germ-infested hot tubs.

I’ve been doing this for a third of my life. Instead of “sad,” I prefer to think of it as unbridled loyalty. Welcome to the madness!

And for those of you who have been with me since the email days, get ready for a season of drama. I have a feeling we may see a few Mesnicks and a ton of jack wagons. Rest assured, PINEAPPLE will be shouted on more than one ocassion. Here’s to season 14!

Now let’s do the damn…

Nope. Not going there.

SIMPLE DISCLAIMER
The following information you are about to read is of personal opinion. However, if you or someone you Snap happen to personally know, sort of know, is friends with the Starbucks barista who’s obsessed with The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel and looks exactly like one of the contestants on the show…none of this is personal and I’m sure they are all lovely people.

A few months ago, Bachelorette Becca was really, really sad. So sad, in fact, that big huge crocodile tears dripped off the tip of her nose as she sat in utter shock while Arie halfway broke up with her because he thought maybe he sort of might have feelings for the runner-up instead of the woman with whom he bestowed a big, fat Uncle Neil diamond ring just weeks before.

Luckily, ABC was able to document each and every punch to the gut. Huge cameras wiggled their way into Becca’s personal space, capturing the poor girl processing through what just happened on national TV in front of her mom, friends, and that one ex-boyfriend dude who flew all the way to Peru to profess his feelings at the apartment complex. We saw every smudge of mascara and every contortion of her devastated face in high definition.

Becca deserves a second chance at love. The rest of America thinks so, too. Also, Arie has been banned from Minnesota for life.

Since the colossal break-up, Becca has been busy touching flowers in outdoor solariums, training to be an aerialist, and riding around in a convertible sports car. We see her exit the tricked out ride in a short, short skirt paired with high, high heels. This could only mean one thing.

GIRL’S NIGHT!

Well, it’s more like girl’s morning, but the sentiment is the same. Bachelorette royalty has gathered together on one couch to prepare Becca for a night she will never forget.

When I say “bachelorette royalty,” your brain probably jumps immediately of Queen Trista. While she is the Meghan Markle of this particular franchise, she was surprisingly absent from last night’s gab fest.

ABC experienced a long line of failures after Trista mixed pink and blue sand with her firefighter hubby Ryan during their televised wedding. There was Meredith who ended her relationship with Ian a year after dating. Next up was Jen, who hard passed her national proposal to that guy whose name I can’t remember.

DeAnna didn’t marry her final snowboarding dude Jesse, but I’m sure ABC still considers their union a success. Jesse married a bachelorette contestant from the year before and DeAnna married bachelor contestant Michael Stag’s twin brother. At leas they are keeping it in the franchise family. Jillian ditched shorty shorts Ed. Allie ditched En Fuego Roberto.

The next marriage to stick was Ashley and JP, who are still together, but they were followed by Emily Maynard bidding adieu to her skateboard loving One F. Jef. Desiree chose poet Chris and they are still married. Andi dumped Josh after a live televised event that we all saw coming.

We have now arrived at the Golden Age of The Bachelorette. Kaitlyn and Fake Gosling Shawn have been engaged for an eternity (three years), which is halfway to a common law marriage according to Mike Fleiss’ lawyers. JoJo and Aaron Rodgers’ brother are hanging in there at two years engaged. And Rachel just reached the one year anniversary of her engagement to the guy who loves his mom.

Naturally, these three women have figured out how to stay together and eek out the rewards of their social media influence without all the annoyance of the “for better or for worse” part. JoJo is eager to share that the opening night cocktail party was the most hopeful night she’s ever experienced. Kaitlyn agrees by pounding a mimosa. Rachel warns Becca to trust her gut. Kaitlyn agrees by pounding another mimosa. Then Rachel smudges the bad juju from the place by wafting a rather large joint that she calls “sage” around the mansion. Ten bucks says she scored that from her Fit Fab Fun box.

The couches are the first items to be cleansed, followed by a sketchy corner where the drunks hang out, and Becca’s nether regions. JoJo is quick to point out that every one of their first-impression rose recipients were the men they ended up with at the end of this journey. She outright claims that Becca’s first impression guy will be her final guy. Consider Garrett jinxed.

JoJo passes out flutes, Becca hides the orange juice, Rachel pours the champagne, and Kaitlyn speaks for the first time with a toast proclaiming that we should all do the damn thing.

Unlike fetch, it appears that doing the damn thing is going to happen.

Alex
31
Construction Manager
Atlanta, GA

Alex Bachelorette Becca

Why you remember him:
Alex is very southern, very handsome, and has very white teeth. The end.
STATUS: Rose

Blake
28
Sales Rep
Bailey, CO

Blake Bachelorette Becca

Why you remember him:
Blake is one to to watch. First of all, you can’t help but be intrigued when someone rolls up to the mansion on Ferdinand the Bull. Second of all, although hideous, it was a brilliant move to wear a dusty rose blazer on the first night. He stuck out like a sore thumb. Mission accomplished. He and Becca quickly bond over the fact that they both experienced an abrupt end to a relationship and all they want is to find honest, true love. Becca thinks they are on the same wavelength. So do I. I like Blake even more when I remind myself that appearances can be deceiving. He is not twenty-two-year-old youth pastor. He’s a year younger than Becca and could go all the way.
STATUS: Rose

Chase
27
Advertising VP
Sanford, FL

Chase Bachelorette Becca

Why you remember him:
Chase is the guy who had thirty seconds of air time during After the Final Rose. During those thirty seconds, an ex-acquaintance of his texted fellow contestant Chris (below) begging him to out Chase for not being on the show for the right reasons (right reasons). Chris consults Youth Pastor Blake and the Globetrotter, inquiring if he should tell Becca. Blake suggests he run it by Chase first before he starts tossing people under buses on night one. Then all the cast members watch as the wheels fall off the bus.

Chris tells Chase what he learned and Chase rolls his eyes. He didn’t even date the girl. They went out for a couple of weeks. That’s it. Plus it was two years ago.

Knowing that Chris will probably tattle on him, Chase preempts the conversation and goes straight to Becca so he can “get ahead of it.”

Becca: Ahead of what?
Chase: This text.
Becca: What did it say?
Chase: I’m not sure.

Bless his heart Chase runs to fetch Chris. Chris is diplomatic, but the fact remains that some girl out there doesn’t think Chase needs to be on the show and Chris is the hero for letting the cat out of the bag. Becca eyes both men as if they are nut jobs, thanks them for playing along, and asks the ABC Intern to get her a sandwich and some alone time with someone who won’t cramp her style.
STATUS: No Rose

Chris
30
Sales Trainer
Orlando, FL

Chris Bachelorette Becca

Why you remember him:
Chris is the informer who tattled on Chase. But he’s also the one who brought a gospel choir with him to sing praises to Becca as she stood on the freshly paved mansion driveway, undoubtedly ruining her dress. I believe this choir is what saved him in the long run. It also doesn’t hurt that he looks like a cousin of one of the New Kids on the Block.
STATUS: Rose

Christian
28
Banker
San Diego, CA

Christian Bachelorette Becca

Why you remember him:
I’ve never seen this guy in my life.
STATUS: No Rose

Christon
31
Former Harlem Globetrotter
Los Angeles, CA

Christon Bachelorette Becca

Why you remember him:
He jumps over Becca’s head, grabs the basketball she is holding, and then dunks it. All the boys watching give a silent nod of respect and then play H-O-R-S-E, while the chicken steals the bachelorette away. YES!!!
STATUS: Rose

Clay
30
Pro Football Player
Chicago, IL

Bachelorette Becca

Why you remember him:
Clay “grew up biracial” and casually lets Becca know that he’s caught a lot of passes in his career as a professional football player. He looks forward to catching her inside. It didn’t sound arrogant the least bit, because sweet Clay is nervous as a long tailed cat in a roomful of rocking chairs. Becca looks at him as he walks away and mutters, “Aw, I get it.” In order for Becca to remember his name, Clay arranges for the ABC Intern to procure actual clay for some super sexy fun time. Clay was probably thinking the pottery wheel from Ghost, but the ABC Intern produces a bamboo tray from Pier One full of colorful neon sticks of Play-Doh. Instead of an erotic moment that ends in a janky vase, Becca gets an elementary moment that ends in a mermaid clay version of herself.
STATUS: Rose

Colton
26
Former Pro Football Player
Denver, CO

Bachelorette Becca

Why you remember him:
If you’re me, you’re waiting for the other shoe to drop, because Colton seems a little too good to be true. The only alarming thing about this lad is that he wore a crushed velvet hoodie vest and claimed that he was 110-percent into something. That’s it! He has a degree and suffered a football injury playing pro ball, so he decided to start a non-profit for kids with cystic fibrosis because his niece suffers from the disease. He also has a very old dog with grey dog hair, which is my favorite kind of dog.

Colton was first out of the gate and even slayed his icebreaker. He wanted to celebrate that Becca was the bachelorette, so they shot confetti cannons. He started their relationship with a bang. All puns aside, Colton will go far, but he may not go all the way. Rumor has it that Becca may swipe his V-Card on national TV. Also, fun fact, he used to date Olympic gymnast Aly Raisman. Google that business to see our boy Colton in a tuxedo.
STATUS: Rose

Connor
25
Fitness Coach
St. Petersburg, FL

Bachelorette Becca

Why you remember him: 
I’m not sure about High Hair. And it’s not because he too was ready to do the damn thing with Becca. His icebreaker involved getting down on one knee, which is never a good thing. He was the first to swoop Becs away after the ceremonial first toast. Then he took a knife and cut off the top of a wine bottle with one quick whip, which I’ve seen before, yet still do not understand the need to do this. You’re in the bachelor mansion. There are nine thousand wine openers. Go get one. Additionally, don’t swig the wine straight from the bottle lest you suck in glass shards. Am I the only one this bothers? The closest thing we have to a doctor is a medical sales rep. You are on your own if you cut your esophagus, dude.  Wait! Do you think he’s the one who was sent to the hospital on a gurney?!
STATUS: Rose

Darius
26
Pharmaceutical Sales Rep
Sherman Oaks, CA

Bachelorette Becca

Why you remember him:
[crickets chirping]
STATUS: No Rose

David
25
Venture Capitalist
Denver, CO

Bachelorette Becca

Why you remember him:
David is the Chicken Man. Let me be clear, dressing up as a chicken sounds like a horrible idea, but it worked for David. He owned it in a way that was both funny and normal. Trust me on this one.

He also kept clucking out, “Becaw! Becaw!” That’s Becca in chicken talk. Normally I would applaud his creative efforts, but I’m a pop culture aficionado who knows that this is plucked straight from Pitch Perfect. At least that’s where I know it from. When I couldn’t remember the reference last night, my friend Amy took a deep dive into the YouTube universe and found several movie/TV clips where people are clucking like chickens. The Bachelorette is entertaining and educational.
STATUS: Rose

Garrett
29
Medical Sales Rep
Reno, NV

Bachelorette Becca

Why you remember him:
Although spot-on, Garrett loves his Chris Farley impersonation. Let’s thank our lucky stars that this bit of wackiness was featured in the pre-show footage and was stuffed away deep down inside for cocktail party night. Other than this bit of outdated humor, Garrett seems to be a front-runner. Did you see him in his fly fishing outfit? Do you remember the jawline? I do believe the minivan icebreaker worked like a charm. I actually saw Becca imagining herself with the diaper bag and soccer ball. Garrett is witty, has a quick rapport, and laughs at everything she says. She appreciates the cheese and he does a good job of not bringing too much whiz to the equation. It’s a nice cheese to whiz balance, if you will. Becca envisions him with her family when he gives her a fly fishing lure and rewards him with the first impression rose. And a dignified kiss. Is there a shoe to be dropped here, too?
STATUS: First impression rose

Grant
27
Electrician
Danville, CA

Bachelorette Becca

Why you remember him:
You don’t.
STATUS: No Rose

Jake
29
Marketing Consultant
Minneapolis, MN

Bachelorette Becca

Why you remember him:
Jake here is the one who ran around in Becca’s circles before she became a big shot bachelorette. Notice I said “ran.” She thinks it’s suspicious that Jake has suddenly decided he likes her when he’s had ample opportunity to ask her out on multiple occasions. Jake claims that they only met that one time at the Christmas party. Becca politely says, “Yeah…you’re wrong.” That’s when the back pedaling begins. Jake explains that he has been through a transformative year, which is code for “I was blackout drunk the nine other times we met. My bad. Can we hook up now? I need about fifteen minutes of fame so I can get some new business cards for the five male model clients I’ve secured deals with tonight.”
STATUS: Sent home before the rose ceremony

Jason
29
Sr. Corporate Banker
Seattle, WA

Bachelorette Becca

Why you remember him:
Jason wasn’t on the screen for very long, but I could tell that Becca likes him. She’s comfortable and she laughs a lot when he’s around. Jason also called out the drama of the night, which means she confided in him everything that went on with Jake, Chase, and Chris. Could this mean that he is already in the Friend Zone?
STATUS: Rose

Jean Blanc
31
Colognoisseur
Pensacola, FL

Bachelorette Becca

Why you remember him:
JB is a collector of accouterments. What does that mean? Well, he likes cologne, obviously, and expensive watches, and anything that enhances the essence of his soul. Oh boy.

With all that stuff on his person, you’d think that he would have more to offer than one weapon in his icebreaker arsenal. He starts off great by speaking sweet nothings in French. Becca giggles, because any man who can speak another language is attractive. She wants to know what he said. Do you have a guess? Could there be a certain catchphrase that I want to squash out of existence?

That’s right. JB tells her, “Let’s do the damn thing!” Whatever. It’s fine, right? It’s in French. Say it all you want, Blanc. I’m here for you.

Then he gives her a candle he bought from Things Remembered engraving station in the mall with a sentimental inscription depicting Becca’s beauty and strength.

Just kidding. It read, “Let’s do the damn thing.” I’m sure Jean Blanc smells divine, but he is dead to me.
STATUS: Rose

Joe
31
Grocery Store Owner
Chicago, IL

Bachelorette Becca

Why you remember him:
Poor Joe just wanted to share his tomatoes with someone for the rest of his life. Is that too much to ask? He got tongue-tied after exiting the limo because he was mesmerized by Becca’s beauty. Unfortunately, that shock and awe translated as dumb and dumber. I have every confidence that women are buzzing around his produce department righting now asking him to thump their melons. That’s not a sexual innuendo. My mom does that. Everyone calm down.
STATUS: No Rose

John
28
Software Engineer
San Francisco, CA

Bachelorette Becca

Why you remember him:
John invented Venmo. CHA-CHING!
STATUS: Rose

Jordan
26
Male Model
Crystal River, FL

Bachelorette Becca

Why you remember him: 
This pensive chach is going to set up shop on every single one of my nerves and just pluck them like a champion banjoist all season long. Jordan tells the camera that life as a male model can be taxing, with all the gym, tanning, and photo shoots, but he is ready to share himself with Becca. First of all, gross. Second of all, buy some pants that fit.

Jordan wore tap shoes because he’s a jack wagon. He has the “heartbeat of a gentleman” and “fashion makes him unique.” It makes me angry for the world that it took him six hours to hand select everything he was wearing. Let the record show that this statement means he selected his blunt ended tie and salmon pocket square on purpose. Although we never saw him speak to Becca for more than an icebreaker intro, we did witness Jordan obsess over every metrosexual guy’s wardrobe on the show, which makes me wonder if he’s here for the right reasons (right reasons).
STATUS: Rose

Kamil
30
Social Media Participant
Monroe, NY

Bachelorette Becca

Why you remember him:
And the award for Biggest Tool goes to this guy. Kamil asks Becca to “come here” when he gets out of the limo. As someone who adores Wade Kinsella from Hart of Dixie with her whole heart, I understand how a sultry “come here” (1:56 mark) can be very attractive in the right circumstances. Obviously, Becca feels the same way so she slowly starts walking toward him as he walks toward her. Then he says a cheeseball line about meeting in the middle and compromise. Fine. Head into the mansion and wrap this up before you say something stupid.

Too late. Kamil takes a step back and says, “Sixty / forty?” Becca takes her own step back and mentally flags his mug as one to send packing come rose ceremony time. Big mistake. Big. Huge.
STATUS: No Rose

 

Leo
31
Stuntman
Studio City, CA

Bachelorette Becca

Why you remember him:
I’ve not given up on Aquaman just yet, although he is on my death watch list. I don’t like guys who appear to be above it all, but I can be persuaded to give second chances when your face looks like that. Clearly his hair is also a sight to behold since Becca requested the opportunity to stroke it. I think Aquaman’s hair is to Becca what Our Host Chris Harrison’s eyes are to me.
STATUS: Rose

via GIPHY

Lincoln
26
Account Sales Executive
Los Angeles, CA

Bachelorette Becca

Why you remember him:
Lincoln has the cool accent and brought Becca cake. She ate it like it was her last meal, which makes sense, because he was probably stepping out of the limo around midnight. I bet she was hungry. He also gave her a bracelet from his home country. The beads represented a message. I can neither confirm nor deny that the message was, “Let’s do the damn thing.” From the looks of it, Lincoln might be our resident heartbreaker. Coming attractions would lead us to believe that he pulls an Arie. We shall see.
STATUS: Rose

Mike
27
Sports Analyst
Cincinnati, OH

Bachelorette Becca

Why you remember him:
Ah, the Beast. His life-size cut-out of Arie crashed and burned. Why? Because he just carried it around. He neither crashed into it with his first nor burned it to ash. We can’t technically blame him for his lack of imagination. The blood to his brain has been compromised due to the tight top knot on his head. That ballerina bun was flawless. He should do tutorials on InstaStories if this gig doesn’t work out.
STATUS: Rose

Nick
27
Attorney
Orlando, FL

Bachelorette Becca

Why you remember him:
Nick was the moron who thought it would be funny to dress up like a race car driver. It wasn’t. Nick also brought some sort of electrical apparatus to massage Becca’s back. Two things popped into my head: 1) Did he bring an extension cord? 2) Did he buy that from a sex store?
STATUS: Rose

Rickey
27
IT Consultant
San Diego, CA

Bachelorette Becca

Why you remember him:
You keep thinking he’s the wrestler from last season, but he’s not.
STATUS: Rose

Ryan
26
Banjoist
Manhattan Beach, CA

Bachelorette Becca

Why you remember him:
You probably remember his terrible flowered blazer. You also probably wondered where he was hiding his banjo. I kind of like that it never made an appearance. Hold your cards close to your flowery blazer, Ryan. Keep ’em guessing.
STATUS: Rose

Trent
28
Realtor
Naples, FL

Bachelorette Becca

Why you remember him:
Trent showed up in a hearse. And instead of saying he was going to kill the competition, he told Becca he literally died when she was announced as the bachelorette. Literally died is right up there in the pet peeve department with 110-percent. Ugh.
STATUS: Rose

Wills
29
Graphic Designer
Los Angeles, CA

Bachelorette Becca

Why you remember him:
Uh, he loves Harry Potter enough to get an “expecto patronum” tattoo on his wrist. What does that mean in Latin? No, this is not another “damn thing” joke. It means something about guarding and protecting your heart. For real.
STATUS: Rose

That’s the group! There are twenty-one left who will more than likely will be forced to play football to show Becca how much she means to them. Who are your front-runners? And who is excited for the season? Let me hear from you in the comments section!

Photo By: ABC.com
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Kelli
Kelli
May 29, 2018 3:44 pm

Kevin HATED Jordan. Every time he talked, Kevin would start whining. I’m all–you’re right, Kev–he is a chach and he never shuts up about himself. His schtick wore out quick.

I was grossly disappointed that Aquaman is leaning into chach territory. He acts like he is way above this and he might be, but has he seen this show?

I read Garrett has some rather questionable social media posts and I’m sorry about that since almost every eligible uterus in America sighed when he pulled up in the mini van and gave his opener.

Kevin gave the side eye a number of times, mostly to Jordan, Aquaman and Man Bun.

Old Christine
Old Christine
May 29, 2018 4:25 pm
Reply to  Kelli

My uterus has been retired for many years and I sighed when Garrett pulled up in the mini van.

Jennymoose
Jennymoose
May 29, 2018 8:06 pm
Reply to  Old Christine

Remind you of the Dodge crummy? Sometimes a great notion…

Dee
Dee
May 30, 2018 2:20 pm
Reply to  Kelli

Bahahaha! Kevin always knows best . . .

Courtney
Courtney
May 29, 2018 3:53 pm

I’m kind of…already bored. I mean, that’s not going to keep me from watching (if for nothing else so that I know what you’re talking about in your reviews, Lincee!). I really liked Joe and was hoping he would be kept around for more than a couple hours. Something about owning a grocery store is so endearing to me (also those dimples!)

I kind of love The Chicken and his whole shtick.

Jordan is a producer plant, right? No one is actually that ridiculous…right?

amy
amy
May 29, 2018 5:11 pm
Reply to  Courtney

I liked Joe too! He seemed so normal and cute! wish he got more time to get comfortable with it

brenda
brenda
June 2, 2018 8:49 pm
Reply to  Courtney

I liked Joe as well and was disappointed that she sent him home!

votemom
votemom
May 29, 2018 4:41 pm

GroceryStoreJoe for next bachelor!

tracee
tracee
May 29, 2018 6:20 pm
Reply to  votemom

So bummed Joe is so handsome. I can’t believe he got cut.

scraptordelight
scraptordelight
May 29, 2018 10:29 pm
Reply to  tracee

I know! Literally a regular Joe–adorable, real and just a hint of Tony Danza about him. So funny! BIP?!

tracee
tracee
May 30, 2018 7:18 pm

Can we have a Re-Vote on Joe? Pretty Please…He’s normal….probably wants to get married not be a spokes model or Social Media personality

KELLY
KELLY
May 31, 2018 7:02 am
Reply to  votemom

Loved Joe too! His smile was very Clooney-esque.

Cassie
Cassie
May 31, 2018 8:46 am
Reply to  votemom

Yes! I LOVED Joe! I couldn’t believe she sent him home! I wonder if she felt he wasn’t ambitious enough? Owning a grocery store is no joke though – that’s hard work. PLEASE ABC, MAKE JOE OUR NEXT BACHELOR!!

Deebee
Deebee
May 29, 2018 4:48 pm

I take it Becca prefers dark haired men cause 90% of these dudes fall into that category. And please no more man buns!

Pia
Pia
May 29, 2018 5:18 pm

I remember Darius. He was the one After the Final Rose who kept “looking Becca up and down” while speaking to her. I didn’t think he’d have a chance. Forgot all about him until he was dismissed. HA!

Love you Lincee, mean it. (Bought your book and read it twice, laughing and crying all the way through! Looking forward to your next one!)

Kate
Kate
May 29, 2018 6:46 pm

I think Jason looks like The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel’s husband (can’t remember his name)! There are a couple of good possibilities here, so hopefully Becca picks a good guy. I think they might keep the male model around just because he is so ridiculous. We have to have a few guys that are intentionally or unintentionally funny.

Angi
Angi
May 29, 2018 8:59 pm
Reply to  Kate

THAT’S why he looks so familiar!!

Michelle
June 5, 2018 10:02 am
Reply to  Kate

YES!!! That’s all I could picture! He’s a dead-ringer for him.

abby
abby
May 29, 2018 7:14 pm

“Thump their melons” HA!!! I laughed out loud at that one…poor little Grocery Joe. Chris Harrison hinted on Twitter that he will go to Paradise. So glad the Bach and your recaps are back! I thought last night was a good first night. I’m excited for this season and I think there are a few really good guys to choose from. Can’t wait to see what all the dramz is about later this season…also hating that ABC isn’t doing a fantasy league this year.

Babs
Babs
May 29, 2018 10:41 pm
Reply to  abby

I hope Joe does show up on paradise, he was a doll with those dimples. I like Blake and Clay at this point, but it’s too early in the game to know for sure.

Jen-nay
Jen-nay
May 29, 2018 7:37 pm

Chris is totally Danny Wood’s cousin! I knew I could count on you, Lincee!

Jenna
Jenna
May 29, 2018 8:36 pm

I listened to Becca on the Almost Famous podcast and she said that they all called Jordan, “Captain America.”

Cat
Cat
May 29, 2018 11:28 pm

1- all I could think every time Chris was on camera was “OMG it’s Chandler’s crazy roommate Eddie!!!” Therefore, he’s probably going to watch the other guys while they’re sleeping.
2- I feel obligated to hate Wills for 2 reasons. First, I’m a real nerd and there is no such thing as a “closet nerd.” We own our nerd. Second, expecto patronum definitely does not mean protect your heart. Misrepresenting the sacred texts of JK Rowling to curry favor on the bachelorette is an unforgivable offense.
3- do you think they lifted the drink minimum for Jordan? He seemed to be the only one having verbal diarrhea for the producers…
4- I’m still struck by the lack of socks…hahaha

alyce
alyce
May 30, 2018 10:55 am
Reply to  Cat

In Wills’s defense, he correctly translated it when he was talking to Becca. Lincee took some liberties to make the translation jive with her blog Lingo. Not that I’m a Wills fan. Just that I don’t think he disrespected JK as egregiously as you might have thought.

Kate
Kate
May 30, 2018 9:22 pm
Reply to  Cat

Cat – you nailed it with the crazy Eddie /Chris look-a-like!!

KELLY
KELLY
May 31, 2018 7:05 am
Reply to  Cat

THANK YOU for the crazy Eddie ID–it was driving me nuts who Chris reminded me of–you nailed it!

KareninNC
KareninNC
May 30, 2018 7:12 am

What a great start to this season, Lincee! Looks like some decent guys in the group along with the other “characters.” 🙂 Favorite part of your recap: I have every confidence that women are buzzing around his produce department righting now asking him to thump their melons. That’s not a sexual innuendo. My mom does that. Everyone calm down.

Leanne
Leanne
May 30, 2018 8:00 am

Aside from the “Let’s do the damn thing” Becca came across okay. Chris is so Danny Wood – I was trying to work out if he’s old enough to be his father! Too bad Chicago got cut – he seemed genuine, attractive and had a real job! Obviously not the show for him.

David
David
May 30, 2018 9:30 am

There is a resemblance between Becca’s ex and the recipient of the first impression rose.

comment image

KELLY
KELLY
May 31, 2018 7:07 am
Reply to  David

Holy cow!!!

Allison
Allison
May 30, 2018 9:43 am

This is the greatest sentence ever!!
He jumps over Becca’s head, grabs the basketball she is holding, and then dunks it. All the boys watching give a silent nod of respect and then play H-O-R-S-E, while the chicken steals the bachelorette away

Deebee
Deebee
May 30, 2018 9:59 am

I thought Aquaman was hilarious as I felt he was being very tongue in cheek in his commentaries.

Yesi
Yesi
May 31, 2018 11:08 am
Reply to  Deebee

Agreed! He was so entertaining!

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