Bachelorette Tayshia Recap | Week 4 |

We have reached the halfway point for Tayshia’s season, and it appears everyone is phoning it in. Even Our Host Chris Harrison invented a reason to ditch the resort for a couple of weeks. He claims he’s taking care of some family business, but there’s no way he’s old enough to have a kid going to college. 

He must have brokered a deal with the showrunners. For every butt he signs with a magic marker, he gets one week off. It pains me to think about watching the show for the next several weeks without his electric blue eyes sparkling by candlelight. 

Of all the cast possibilities in Bachelor Nation, ABC chooses JoJo Fletcher to come in and take the reins from Our Host. I’m seventy-two-percent sure JoJo and Tayshia are not besties, considering Jo’s season was four years ago. However, the choice does make sense from a logistical standpoint. JoJo and her fiance, Fake Aaron Rodgers, host their own reality TV show about flipping houses. Additionally, Jo and Harrison both live in Dallas. I’m sure it only took a quick text with a few cash emojis for JoJo to weigh her options before agreeing to embrace the inner sanctum.

Tayshia places a plateful of delicious pastries and delicate croissants on the table as JoJo knocks at her suite door. The glossy-haired women with perfect skin and makeup squeal as if they know each other and scramble inside. JoJo pops open a bottle of champagne, turning that boring old orange juice into morning mimosas. The carbs are ignored, hence, the perfect skin and hair.

JoJo and Tayshia agree that falling in love with multiple people at once is a thing and that hurting people’s feelings is the worst. Tayshia reminds the viewing audience at least six times that she’s been married before, so she feels no pressure to get hitched for kicks and giggles. She wants to find her forever, and she’s sure he’s sitting on a couch this very moment with eleven other dudes.

Harrison introduces JoJo to the bachelors, hands JoJo the keys to his tricked out bungalow, and makes her promise to replace the bourbon before she heads back to Texas in a few weeks. He peaces out and JoJo swoops in with her first order of business as hostess. She drops the date card and leaves the gentlemen to go work on her tan in the hot desert sun. 

FIRST ONE-ON-ONE DATE

Zac
“I’m Looking For a Man I Can Picture Myself With”

Tayshia stands there waiting for Zac, looking a bit nervous in her little black dress. She admits two things: She’s anxious about today’s date, and she typically goes after younger guys.

I’m calling it. Zac’s age is going to be one of the contributing factors to his downfall. Mark my words.

Why is Tayshia anxious? Because this is a wedding photoshoot, complete with a selection of ornate gowns and tuxedos. Again, she reminds us that she’s been married before, and her hope with this exercise is that she will make some fun memories in a wedding dress. At the very least, Franco, the photographer, will provide comic relief in the form of a jaunty neckerchief and white shorty shorts embroidered with little pineapples. 

I had those same shorts in fourth grade. And the hot pink moccasins. Also, I appreciate Franco’s nod to the official IHGB safe word. PINEAPPLE.

Zac immediately picks up on Tayshia’s trepidation and does his best to make her feel calm. He straddles a fine line between “this is not a big deal” and “I can see myself with you at the end of this adventure.”

Tayshia’s dress selections offer a wide variety of choices, perfect for any bride’s desired look on her big day. Would you prefer a skin-tight rhinestone dress featuring mermaid-like qualities? No problem. How about a huge, puffy skirt modeled after Glinda the Good Witch? Franco’s got you covered. Do you prefer a cut that showcases under boob? You’re in luck!

The photoshoot ends on a trampoline, of course, and quickly transitions into dinner. Zac is nervous to tell Tayshia that he isn’t “straight as an arrow,” and Tayshia tees him up perfectly to explain when she laments that she wants a better grasp on who Zac is as a man. A grown-a$$ man. 

In two minutes, Zac lays it all out on the line as Tayshia stares at him in awe. Here’s a list of what we learn:

• After graduating from college, he discovered he had a brain tumor at 23.
• As a result of the surgery, he was introduced to pain medications.
• He married soon after the surgery.
• During his marriage, he admits his selfish behavior. Drinking, partying, drugs. 
• He started hanging out with sketchy people.
• He was arrested.
• He had a DUI.
• His wife left him. 
• Things got really dark, and he became hopeless.
• He stole some of his dad’s checks and tried to cash them at the bank.
• The bank teller, whom Zac intensified as his angel, called his dad to come to pick him up.
• He was in rehab (a second time) for four months.
• Now he serves on the board of that rehab facility. 

That is a lot of information in a concise timeframe. Yet Tayshia can put it all into perspective and commends Zac for “ticking a lot of boxes.” He’s mature, comfortable in his own skin, ambitious, established, and loves his family. For that, he deserves a rose.

It’s true. Zac has been through so much in his life. And I admire Tayshia for not judging him on that list of unfortunate events. Sadly, next week, we see Zac and the others hooked up to a lie detector test. Truths bubble up to the surface. I have to wonder if this date’s transgressions, coupled with the lie detector revelations and Zac’s age, will bump him down a few notches in Tayshia’s journal. We shall see. 

But Tayshia doesn’t have time to trudge through her feelings. She must show Zac his next surprise, which is an actual Ferris wheel looming in the distance. Tayshia climbs in the bucket seat with Zac, admitting that she has shortness of breath and a racing heart.

Oh, no. COVID!

Nope. It’s just the natural stress that comes with riding a rickety Ferris wheel that a carnie was paid fifty bucks to erect between the eastern squash court and casita pool. 

GROUP DATE

Spencer, Ivan, Ed, Blake, Brendan, Riley, Demar, Bennett, Ben, Noah
“I’m Looking For a Man Who Can Put Himself Out There”

It wouldn’t be a Tayshia group date if there weren’t at least one Black Modesty Box covering nether regions. Thankfully (?) in this instance, the BMB covers the undercarriages of two hippies tangled in nude bliss on a small elevated stage in the Grand Ballroom. The guys must sketch the naked older adults. I’m not sure what this exercise proves in Tayshia’s mind, but everyone participates with enthusiasm. 

Next up is the sculpting portion of the art class. While blindfolded, each bachelor molds a lump of clay into a physical representation of his relationship with Tayshia. Noah makes breakfast in bed. Bennett creates a map that marks the locations of his and Tayshia’s future homes. And Blake fashions his Play-Doh into a penis. Charming.

Finally, the men are encouraged to create a piece of art that conveys something deep inside. The one who opens up the most will win extra time with Tayshia. In seconds, the guys are grabbing paints, canvas, feathers, glitter, and other supplies that could represent their inner selves.

Brendan holds up an empty frame. It’s a self-portrait. Then he flips it horizontally and gently reminds Tayshia that there is room for her in his life. I sigh sweetly.

Ivan presents his puzzle pieces. He admits to the group that his father is older than most, and one of his biggest fears is that his dad won’t get to see the man he created. He insinuates marriage when he asks Tayshia to place the last piece in the empty hole. I wipe a tear from my eye.

Blake lectures the group on how turtle doves mate for life. He wants that for his kids. Blake continues to prove that he only thinks about sex, but at least in this instance, he’s championing a monogamous relationship. 

Riley tells a story about the first time he heard from his mom in years. She asks him, “What keeps you going?” Riley confesses that he daydreams about enjoying quality time with his family in a quaint, cozy house. His mom wonders why that vision comes to mind? Riley tells Tayshia that you crave quality time when you’ve never experienced quality time. My throat is a little thick. 

And then Ben enters the room in a robe, promising Tayshia that it’s hard for him to express his emotions, but he’s willing to take his walls down for her. He’s also willing to drop the robe for her. Ben stands there, hands over his junk, in all his muscly glory, vowing to be vulnerable to Tayshia for the rest of his life. 

Uuuuugggggghhhhhhhhhhhh.

Some of you believe this is genuine. I believe it’s calculated. I think Ben wanted Tayshia to see his body at that moment. He says all the right things, but the expression is a bit much, in my opinion. I’m not buying it. Is he creepy or weird? No. He’s acting like a perfectionist who must win the moment. I can’t put my finger on it. Something is up with Ben. 

Tayshia rushes from the room so she can cry to her handlers. She can’t get over their vulnerability! She’s the luckiest girl in the world! Therefore, she can’t pick a winner, so she’s going to invite everyone to her super cool after-party. Hooray!

She arrives in a tight little number that highlights her under boobs. For those of you keeping count, that’s twice this episode. Is she proud of this bodily real estate? Or does the wardrobe department not know how to dress well-endowed ladies? I’m not sure.

Tayshia gathers her men together to “have a cheer,” and I toss several Ghirardelli peppermint bark wrappers at the television. ONE DOES NOT HAVE A CHEERS OR GIVE A CHEERS. Harrison, I implore you to set these people straight. You give a TOAST, and you CHEERS the moment. Bless.

Riley, Ivan, and Brendan score some alone time, but it’s Ben who takes the vulnerability exercise to the next level. No, to my knowledge, he doesn’t show her his junk. He shares that he used to be seventy pounds heavier and suffered from bulimia for ten years. Instead of sharing this emotional piece of his past, he got naked instead.

This makes zero sense to me. I understand his story is hard and I hate that he suffered for so long, but I’m not sure why he didn’t say that in the ballroom. He’s on national television. Everyone will know eventually.

Tayshia totally gets it and extends the date rose to Ben, proving to the others that all it takes is a little nakedness to land a coveted bud. 

Before she leaves the cocktail party, Tayshia’s face contorts into the “don’t mess with me” attitude. 

Tay: “Noah and Bennett — I know something is going on between you two. And I’m going to get to the bottom of it one way or another.”

As she walks off, Bennett proclaims to the group that he has no beef with Young Noah. Young Noah wisely keeps his trap shut, confident that Bennett is going to self destruct. 

SECOND ONE-ON-ONE

Eazy
“I Hope You Aren’t Scared of Falling In Love.”

Showrunners decide to cash in on the ghosts who allegedly roam around the LaQuinta Spa and Resort since they’ve completely run out of ideas. The poor ABC Intern is forced to remodel two villas into a creepy bedroom and haunted library. Then he has to sit there in the dark and pull a string connected to a rocking chair when Eazy and Tayshia walk near to scare the bejesus out of them. 

This is the quarantine version of conquering your fears. Since we don’t have a tall building or mountain to jump from, the paranormal activity will have to do. The pair are shoved onto the tennis courts to see if they hear a woman moaning. Which they TOTALLY do. 

JoJo is earning her paycheck, am I right?

That night, Tayshia’s chartreuse dress renders Eazy speechless. When he regains the power of the spoken word, he leads with, “I’m falling in love with you.” Tayshia responds with, “you are a solid, good man” and we know it’s curtains for our favorite bachelor. 

She picks up the rose, holds it in front of Eazy, and explains how she can’t keep him around. She ushers him to the rejection SUV, and we all shake our heads, confident that Tayshia just made a big mistake. 

ROSE CEREMONY

JoJo waltzes into the man suite in her favorite ice blue nightie. She warns the men that there will be a cocktail party, but things will be different. Jo points to Bennett and Noah and demands they explain themselves. What is up with this tension?

Bennett claims to be equally perplexed. Noah sits there like a smart person. JoJo lays down the hammer and says that Tayshia can’t keep them both, so there will be a small two-on-one before the cocktail party. One will stay, and one will go. 

Noah and Bennett show up to the designated two-on-one area. Bennett has a gift that he extends to Noah. He then takes it back so he can explain the contents in great detail. The red bandana represents friendship and ranch life. It’s red because he doesn’t want any more bad blood. 

Vomit.

The next present is a pair of socks with mustaches all over them. Bennett thinks that the only place a mustache belongs is on your feet. 

Lame.

Then he pulls out a book that teaches life lessons on emotional intelligence. Apparently there are four components to master, and Noah is deficient in three. He further expresses condescension by explaining to Noah that you don’t have these gifts from the womb. They are earned through experience in life. This is his way of helping Noah “level up.”

Again, Noah does a great job of not taking the bait entirely. He scoffs at Bennett’s “gifts” and calls him a smug BLANK. He also challenges Bennett to say everything he just said in front of Tayshia. Bennett obliges eagerly. 

Tayshia enters, frustrated, and begs to get to the bottom of this petty drama. Noah agrees. Bennett smiles, promising he has no ill-will toward Young Noah. Noah reminds Bennett that he previously told him that there was a one-hundred-percent chance he would not win Tayshia’s heart.

Bennett: “I believe I said there was a zero percent chance.”

Tayshia rolls her eyes and calls them both teenage boys. Then she turns to Bennett and accuses him of questioning her integrity. Bennett doesn’t believe he is questioning it. Noah remains silent. 

Tayshia: “So what’s in the box?”

And that was the last question she asked before sending Bennett home next week. There’s no way he’s recovering from this. Am I right? 

What about Ben? Does he seem off to you? Is this Zac’s to lose? Or is his past too much to overcome? What about Ivan and Brendan? Sound off in the comments section!