Dancing with the Stars recap: Movie Night

It’s Movie Night on Dancing with the Stars and that means the pros will count on their “stars” to go all in by really taking on the mindset of his or her character. It also means that our JV dancers will have to provide theatrical antics during almost every single dance, unless you can carry the show on your own.

Spoiler: Half can carry their choreography by themselves. The other half can not.

This particular night is also perfect timing for the Disney Channel to trot out its latest attempt to try and capture the High School Musical craze from 2006. It also has an entire generation of viewers scratching their heads asking, “Why are these kids dresses in such terrible clothes? And why are they excited about being rotten to the core?”

Dancing with the Stars did NOT do a good job explaining why oddly dressed kids have bombarded the ballroom. Descendants 2 (that’s right…it’s a sequel) is a Disney Channel TV movie depicting the lives of the children of Disney villains. That’s why they don’t have a problem poisoning apples. Don’t ask me why they mic’d the main characters up, only to make them lip sync the song.

Fun Fact: Their choreographer is Kenny Ortega. You may have heard of a few of his projects:
– “Xanadu” video — YES!
– “Let’s Get Physical” video — Let me hear your body rock!
– “Material Girl” video — That iconic pink dress with the dudes in tuxes…
– St. Elmo’s Fire — Awesome.
– Pretty In Pink — Ducky’s dance in the record store.
– Ferris Bueller’s Day Off — THE PARADE!
– Dirty Dancing — Classic.
– Shag — If you haven’t seen it, watch it.
– “If I Could Turn Back Time” video — Long live Cher.
– Newsies — SEIZE THE DAY!
– Hocus Pocus — Love.
– XIX Winter Olympics Opening Ceremony — God Bless America
– High School Musical 1, 2 and 3 — We’re all in this together, people.
– This is It — RIP Michael Jackson
– Descendants — I actually stumbled upon this over the weekend, ironically, and watched a few minutes of it. It’s not bad!

Mandy Moore opens the show with a Rockette-inspired number that includes dapper men, lovely women, and lots of ballroom dresses with feathers. In a rare decision, they also ask her to fill in for Julianne as a judge.

Can you imagine? A woman who has years and years and years of dance experience, including the Academy Award winning LaLa Land as a guest judge?

The producers are going to need someone who knows her stuff, because it is double elimination night. Plus, there’s a dance off. There’s so much to cover! Let’s get to it!

Bonner and Shara
Western Genre
Paso Doble
“Hoedown” by Aaron Copland
Bless it. Bless him. Bless her. Bless the set. Bless it all. Just…bless.

Poor Bonner is not a dancer in any sense of the world. You’d think this genre would have been right up his alley, but no. Once again, Sharna decides to ask every single JV dancer to channel their inner saloon girl and gruff cowboy in order to pull focus away from her actual cowboy who attacked each step with the stiffness of a decrepit grandpa. Yes, the paso is sharp, but it’s also equally fluid. Sharna pulls herself out of the limelight and lets Bonner dance with the superfluous JV dancers. It was a mistake. She should have danced with him more, with the hope that our eyes were drawn to her saloon girl outfit instead of Bonner’s robotic cowboy walk. He did have one redeeming moment: He jumped from the ground onto the table in one fail swoop. It was very Crossfit. Perhaps Sharna should choreograph a parkour routine for him? The judges were nice, giving him vague compliments like, “You’re so much farther along than before” and “You should be proud of where you are.” Huh? That means nothing.
Bruno’s Best Line: “You forgot to oil the joints.”
SCORE: 29

Nancy and Artem
Romance Genre
Tango
“Pretty Woman” by Roy Orbison
Artem made Nancy his very own Vivian, put her in a red dress, and pretended to woo her away from all the bell boys in a hotel lobby so he could take her to the opera. We should all be thankful he didn’t make her wear tall boots held together by a safety pin, while she danced around on the Boulevard, turning tricks, like the original pretty woman.

Once all of the musical theater was over and done with, they locked in hold and tango’d around the dance floor. It was a difficult routine and Nancy did a great job with her facial expressions. They was a definite story and you could tell they were both having fun. PS: Artem looked like 007 in his suit, which is unfortunate for Nick since I believe he was actually supposed to be 007 in his routine.
Bruno’s Best Line: “ It was a five star deluxe version of the tango. VIP all the way.”
SCORE: 36

Simone and Sasha
Silent Movie Genre
Charleston
“Charleston” by Bob Wilson
Dancing the Charleston is always difficult for everyone who tries. Unless you name is Simone Biles. This girl acted like she had been doing the Charleston her entire life. It was spunky, fun, full of personality and amazing tricks. I loved her fringe outfit and her super fun curly hair with the feather headband! It was a perfect routine for Sasha too. It was extremely difficult, but they executed it without flaw. They packed so much in a short amount of time. It might have been my favorite from the night! (Until Normani’s dance, of course.) I assume they didn’t get a perfect score, thanks to Mandy’s critique that it looks like Simone is on autopilot. It’s that smile of hers. So pretty, yet the exact same. Hey, at least she’s not having to hooch it up on the dance floor this week!
Bruno’s Best Line: “It had the fizz and sparkle of the 1920s!”
SCORE: 37

Nick and Peta
Action Movie Genre
Argentine Tango
“Dangerous” by David Guetta
The best part of Nick’s segment was his admission that he has a crush on Maks. It all went downhill after that. This should have been Nick’s genre because he’s good at being stoic and precise. But the steps were all over the place. And was it just me, or did Peta look bored? There was a weird bit about her stealing a jump drive and putting it in her ample bosom, yet Nick stole it from her pocket later and private eye’d out of there on a helicopter. But she still had it? I was confused. I also muttered, “Nononononono” the entire time, which is never a good sign. Like Bonner, the judges praised him for growing from week one, but his fate was pretty clear.
Bruno’s Best Line: “I think you’ve earned the license to thrill. You were focused and mature — but the steps were bad.”
SCORE: 34

Rashad and Emma
Horror Film Genre
Paso Doble
“O Furtuna” by Carl Orff
Rashad comes up with this super scary story about a serial killer. Emma does a remake of his story in the opening package with a bunch of JV dancers. I wonder how long it took them to film that when they could have been practicing? I also wondered where I could get a pair of Emma’s awesome boots.

The stage was very elaborate. Rashad comes out of a coffin and adopts this horrific wide-eyed stare that he totally janked from Michael Jackson’s “Thriller.” Good for him, because it worked. The paso was pretty good. It was full of aggression, which you would expect from the horror genre. I was more interested in him dragging her by the hair and Emma stabbing Rashad at the Bruno’s Best Line: “That was a monster smash.”
SCORE: 37

Lindsay and David
Sci Fi Genre
Salsa
“Universal Mind Control” by Common
Here’s the deal: the dance was forgettable. It was an 80s robot theme with a jillion JV dancers helping the plot stumble along. Yes, Lindsay’s legs are amazing, but it was not my favorite. Sadly what EVERYONE is going to remember from this dance is the rehearsal footage. David catches Lindsay in an upside down move, a cartwheel if you please, and at the arch of said cartwheel, her booty is directly even with his mic. This is when the worst happens. She toots. Right into the mic. Both fall to the ground in a fit of giggles that last forever. It’s personal bonding at its finest. I was mortified. I still am mortified.
Bruno’s Best Line: “Dancing with the Star Lord — Guardians of the Salsa!!
SCORE: 32

Normani and Val
Argentine Tango
Foreign Film Genre
“Quizás, Quizás, Quizás” by Andrea Bocelli
A: Normani has short hair. It’s adorable and I hope it’s not a wig. B: Her back hurts, but instead of complaining, she tells herself, “I’m 20-years-old. Suck it up.” Gosh, I love this girl. I want her to win. Or Rashad.

Her outfit was black and red lace. Val looked, as Val always does, sultry and strong. He whips her around. She flings her legs here and there. There is a yearning and flirting that is appropriate for the genre. The song choice is DELIGHTFUL. It is something with which we are familiar, but in a different language. I agree with Carrie Ann. This team is strong and elegant at the same time. It’s exactly what you need in the ballroom.
Bruno’s Best Line: “You have won the Academy Award for Best Dance of the night.”
SCORE: 40

With a perfect score, Val and Normani win immunity for the night. The remaining six teams have to compete in a dance-off that sounds way more exciting than it actually is in real life.

Simone, as the next highest scorer, chooses Nancy as her competition. Nancy chooses the Cha-Cha as their dance. For the next ninety seconds, Simone and Sasha whip around their half of the dance floor, watching as the live score card moves back and forth behind them. Nancy and Artem do their best to make it an even fight, but Nancy’s “deer-in-the-headlights” look hinders them from pulling away with a win. The audience, and the judges, pick Simone as the winner.

Next up is Rashad. He doesn’t want to pick anyone, but decides to keep it in the sports family. He picks David and proceeds to wipe the floor with him during the jive. Rashad looks adorable in pink. And I can’t for the life of me understand how Lindsay can wear a barely there outfit, yet I never think she looks slutty in it. Odd. Cubs Nation comes through for David with a close vote, but in the end, the audience and the judges choose Rashad.

Finally Bonner and Nick compete against each other with a rumba. Bless it all to pieces. I didn’t know where to look. Both Peta and Sharna do a great job of gyrating and writing around their respective partners, but are unable to deter the viewer away from the blank looks and slack jaws open mouths. Somehow, Bonner and Sharna win. I believe Sharna has a bigger audience than we may assume she does.

Tom and Erin rush to announce who is safe. They call Simone and Rashad pretty quickly. Then they shock everyone by saying Bonner will be here another week. No one is more surprised than Sharna. Finally, David is deemed safe and everyone crowds Nancy and Nick to say their good-byes. Peta looked relieved. So does Nick’s finance Vanessa. Something tells me it’s not all rose petals and hot tubs over at their place.

What did you think? Who is going to win this thing? Will Bonner beat out David? Or does David have enough Cubs fans supporting him to stay another week? Also, is Lindsay crazy for allowing Dancing with the Stars to air her toot-to-the-face on national television? Or did she have a say? Sound off in the comments section!