Dancing with the Stars: Athletes – Week 3

And then there were three.

This mini season of Dancing with the Stars is less than satisfying for many reasons, in my opinion. Four weeks doesn’t give us enough time to embrace the dancers and get to know them on a personal level. I think most of the athletes are great, but with only thirty seconds of “here’s why my mom is my MVP,” I don’t feel that invested.

At the end of the night, I’m more sad that I won’t get to see certain male luge athletes topless.

I also think it’s going to be hard for the pro winner, whoever that may be, to feel confident in his or her winning season since they technically didn’t dance for thirteen weeks. Neither Sasha, Jenna, nor Sharna has won the mirrorball trophy. Will they feel slighted?

I blame American Idol for all of these questions. They totally screwed up the Dancing with the Stars season. I am, however, very happy that the weird schedule hasn’t messed up The Bachelorette debut on Memorial Day. TWO MORE WEEKS!

One bright light in the shortened season is all of the extra pro dances we get to enjoy. Many Moore is back with a fun opening number! The pros wear the teeniest, tiniest bodysuits and for some reason, I forgive all of the skin and praise them all for looking tan and fit!

And guess what? DWTS is bringing back guest mentors. Nastia the gymnast, Meryl the figure skater, and Von Miller the football player are in the house. Athletes helping athletes. Isn’t this fun? Add runner-up baseball player David Ross as the fourth judge and we are looking at a fun-filled night of frivolity. Let’s do this!

Mirai and Alan
Quickstep
“Bo$$” by Fifth Harmony
Remember how I said Mirai bugged me a little bit and I wish she would not act so uppity in front of the camera? Well she totally redeemed herself in her MVP package. Or I should say her adorable immigrant parents redeemed her to me during the MVP package. They are so, so cute and full of emotion that they were able to help their daughter follow her skating dreams. Mirai looked humbled by their presence and was very happy to show Alan off back home. I cheered when her dad told Adam, “I saw you on TV. You are big star!” Adorable.

Although I didn’t love the song choice, I thought Mirai did an incredible job quick stepping across the floor with Alan in her gold lamé dress. Alan didn’t need to choreograph the pro/JV troupe because Mirai can command a room by herself, but I get why Alan felt the need to step it up in the theatrics department. Bruno called her a firefly and Carrie Ann shouted something to Mirai’s mom in Japanese. All was going well until Mirai opened her mouth in the Glitterdome with Erin.

“I wanted to start off with a bang so my competitors would have somewhere to go.”

Alan looked crushed. He knows that America does not like contestants who throw shade. Votes are saved for people who have an emotional moment on the floor or for those who have kill a dance but act humble after. That was Mirai’s nail in her coffin.
SCORE: 35

Jennie and Keo
Viennese Waltz
“The Rest of Our Life” by Tim McGraw and Faith Hill
Of course Jennie’s MVP is her husband who thinks she is part angle. She cries in her package and so does he. They are so very sweet and I’m looking forward to Jennie dancing something slow and smooth because that’s her wheelhouse. Put her in pale pink and you have a recipe for greatness.

Unfortunately, Keo just doesn’t know how to choreograph. He puts moves together, repeats them a couple of times, and sweats all over his partner. Jennie must have lifted her arm up and around like a rainbow at least twelve times. And it didn’t help that she looked terrified doing it. Carrie Ann telling her, “I wish we had more time with you because I can see your potential to grow” was Jennie’s perpetual nail in her coffin.
SCORE: 29

Chris and Witney
Foxtrot
“I Got Rhythm” by Ray Chew
Another Olympian = another MVP mom. These ladies are the best! And Chris’ mom is a superfan who is thrilled to meet all of the cast and sit in the ballroom chairs. She is so freaking cute. She gets choked up with the producers tell her that Chris nominated her as his VIP. Then I get choked up and cross all my fingers and toes that his dance is incredible.

Apparently, I didn’t cross them hard enough.

There was a thirty second solo bit at the beginning that was oh so unfortunate. Chris bit his bottom lip like white boys at wedding receptions everywhere. Bless it. I also found myself very, very nervous that his black fedora was going to fall off. Once I decided it wasn’t going to, my new worry was the the was going to fall or fling Witney off the piano in the middle dance portion. When she jumped off the piano into his open arms, I almost had a heart attack.

The rest of the dancers in the building joined Witney and Chris for some hat choreography at the end and the audience went nuts. So did the judges. Sort of. They made it clear that Chris, unlike is song, has zero rhythm, but he can entertain. Then Carrie Ann said he performed “balls to the wall” three times and Tom Bergeron had to literally walk over to her area and request that she shut up before their primetime show was canceled for being R-rated.

Speaking of R-rated, Erin flashes this tweet up for everyone to enjoy.

Guys, we need your support this week! Half of the teams are getting cut and I definitely don’t want to be going home. Make sure to tune in to week 3 this Monday! 📸 @estudios_official https://t.co/QyNiOYBMNN pic.twitter.com/5UMPuwQadj

— Chris Mazdzer (@mazdzer) May 10, 2018

Thank you, Erin.
SCORE: 33

Tonya and Sasha
Rumba
“See you Again” by Tyler Ward
Tonya crying isn’t newsworthy. However, she really weeps when she tells Sasha that her dad, who passed away nine years ago, is her MVP. She reminds everyone that her life is hard and that this dance will be the best way she can pay tribute to the family member who technically wasn’t in her life, but definitely did support her. She follows that up by begging America to keep her around.

Sasha choreographs a beautiful dance and Tonya does her best to rumba up next to him in a pretty lavender sparkly dress. The judges praise her for “dancing with an open heart” and pour compliments all over her. I can only guess that the movie iTonya must be somehow be under the Disney or ABC umbrella and it’s about to come out on DVD. Thees people L-O-V-E her.
SCORE: 33

Adam and Jenna
Contemporary
“O” by Coldplay
Guess what? Adam’s mom is his MVP. She was there for him and his five siblings. As a single mom, she was tough, pushed him hard, but always supported him no matter what, which makes Jenna cry.

Raise your hand if you think Jenna needs to eat a sandwich. Has anyone else noticed how skinny she is all of the sudden? Is she threatened by Lindsay’s long legs or Sharna’s tiny waist? With all those feathers, I thought she was going to blow away.

That’s right. Feathers. Jenna choreographs a bird routine, complete with huge cage. Adam embraces his shoulder feathers and dances the crap out of the routine. It was incredibly synchronized, except for the part that Carrie Ann pointed out when Jenna wobbled.

Carrie Ann is all sorts of sassy tonight.

The judges loved it for the most part and when Erin asks Adam how he feels, he says, “I’m thankful that I’m a beautiful cryer.” Does that walk the line of shade? Not really. He’s not saying anything bad about anyone else. He also follows up with the very real fact that, “It’s hard to watch an emotional package right before you go out to dance.” This is the different between Adam and his bestie.
SCORE: 39

Josh and Sharna
Contemporary
“Stand by Me” by Boostraps
Sweet Josh can’t pick just one MVP. He chooses all four of his brothers who seem to love him dearly. They support him, as well as their mother, and can’t wait for Josh to turn it up in his pale pink silky open shirt and yoga pants. Sharna looks amazing, too, and choreographs a dance which showcases Josh’s best assets: his muscles.

The guy picks her up every other eight count and holds her in the air. He’s solid. He’s smooth. And his smile is gorgeous. There’s a big lift at the end that he holds for what feels like ten minutes. The judges L-O-V-E it and the audience is charmed by the way he runs to his brothers for a big group hug. Instead he receives a few punches to his nads on national TV. Silly boys.
SCORE: 36

Next up is the Ballroom Battle where our guest athletes help our current athletes with their dances. Nastia shows Jennie how to twist her hips and Tonya how to hold a frame. The two women cha-cha-cha on their sides of the ballroom floor. Jennie looks like Malibu Barbie. Tonya doesn’t look like Malibu Barbie. Somehow, the former figure skater beats out the softball player. Jennie is unofficially done.

Next up is Adam and Maira. Meryl hugs the figure skaters and she basically watches as they master the jive steps. The best friends battle it out in complimentary polka dot outfits. No one knows where to look at first, but your eyes are automatically drawn to Adam and Jenna in my opinion, which makes me really sad for Alan. He wants this so much!

Two judges vote for Adam and the other two vote for Maira. So American has to break the tie and they choose Adam and Jenna. We all need to think my friend Amy for voting constantly during their dance. She committed and it paid off!

Finally, Von Miller doesn’t take the time to fly out to LA to mentor Chris and Josh. They FaceTime and his big advice is “do your best.” Good talk, VM.

Sharna and Josh blow Chris and Witney out of the water at first, but then Chris rips his shirt off. YES! My eyes dart to the left side of the boundary line until Josh rips his shirt off. YES AGAIN! Now where am I supposed to look?

Josh and Sharna win the round and have to run up the stairs with the others to see if they have made it through to the finals next week, which Tom tells us is only one hour long.

ONE HOUR. What in the world?

Adam and Jenna are deemed safe first, followed by Tonya and Sasha. The audience is clearly disturbed by this realization. Josh and Sharna fill the third spot and Maira cries sad tears that she isn’t number one in the ballroom. Chris, still shirtless, seems fine and Jennie looks like she can breathe again.

I have no idea who I’m rooting for at this point. I guess I’d like too see Jenna win. I’d also like to see her drink a milkshake.