I am one of the luckiest people on the planet. Partly because I get to write about nonsense for a living, but mostly because I have one amazing mother. Ask anyone.

She’s taught me so many life lessons. And since we are in the days leading up to a very significant birthday, I thought I would share them with you so we can all celebrate the woman who helped mold me into the person I am today.

Here are a few tips straight from Linea. Enjoy!

1. Everyone looks better in sunglasses.

2. Who cares what people say? Just let it roll off you like water on a duck’s back.

3. Tan fat is prettier than white fat.

4. If you’re going to take the time to catch a fish, at least look cute while you’re doing it.

(Disclaimer: My East Dillon Lions t-shirt TOTALLY counts. Bonus points for the sunglasses.)

5. Don’t let anyone tell you you’re not strong. You are.

6. If it’s your blood or your vomit and you are over the age of five, it’s your problem.

7. It’s not weird to dress up as an adult. Just make sure you get paid for doing it at least 50-percent of the time. Or you’re in the running for a costume contest. Don’t hold back.

8. If your body is tired, then you need to rest. Even if it means going to be at eight o’clock.

9. I never met a rum I didn’t like.

10. Leotards can be used as bathing suits. I didn’t say they should…I said they can.

11. Keep your belly button to yourself. No one wants to see it.

12. Never apologize for a hair style. Own it.

13. Green beans and beets will make you lose weight. My daughter is a weirdo for hating both.

14. Got a zit? Sea Breeze will fix it. Don’t know how to sew? That’s what staples and glue guns are for. Feeling like tacos for dinner? No thank you. They smell like feet.

Thank you Mama for being the voice in my head and the woman I’m slowly becoming. I will always admire you servant’s heart, your gift of making all things beautiful, your willingness to spend the majority of your day in the kitchen cooking actual meals with real ingredients, your phenomenal singing voice and the beauty that you are both inside and out.

Happy Birthday Mama!