Bachelorette Tayshia Recap: It’s Like A Lot
Bachelorette Tayshia Recap | Week 7
I find it quaint how everyone on this show insists on labeling what we witnessed in this episode as a “hometown date.” Not a single person left the Bachelor bubble, yet Tayshia was enchanted by “seeing” how her potential future husbands filled their days back in Any Town, USA.
It’s like the summer I really got into Broadway. Since East Texas isn’t the hotbed of musical theater, I created and performed one-act plays in the den. My mom and her friend Marilyn were saints and watched me bring Alice in Wonderland alive on multiple occasions. The show was about an hour-long, plus intermission. I imagine my mom felt the same way about me as I felt about suffering through four hometown dates.
Except my production was way less sweaty.
The only thing that could detract me from the profuse sweat was Tayshia’s boobs. There was so much running and bouncing on Brendan’s date. I worried for her chest, her eyes, the poor niece’s innocence. We did observe our first Jump & Straddle™ of the season. Luckily, Brendan was ready for Tayshia to come barreling into his open arms.
Brendan has carnivals in his small town. Therefore, the ABC Intern was tasked with scoring a ring toss, a pair of miniature basketball goals, a bounce house, and a dozen stuffed animals posing as grand prizes. Brendan was beside himself, knowing that his niece would be joining them, and when she ran down the path in ecstatic joy, Tayshia hilariously thought the excitement was for her! She intercepted Brendan’s hug, gushing with pride.
Aliyah takes it all in stride. She is such a great sport. So are her parents. Brendan’s brother and sister-in-law are a delight. They ask all the right questions and say all the right things. Everyone cries at one point during the night. And it ends with Tayshia claiming that Brendan could be her future husband. Huzzah!
I get it. These jokers are in the desert in the middle of summer with temperatures blazing around 120-degrees. I didn’t even know you could be out in that heat without melting!
Apparently, you can’t. Poor Zac is dripping within seconds of Tayshia running to Jump & Straddle™ into his arms, and there isn’t a darn thing he can do about it. Should he have worn jeans on this particular “hometown date?” Absolutely not. But like the sweat dripping from his chin and ear lobe, he rolls with it.
Undoubtedly, the ABC Intern was once on the tech team of his high school theater class. The props and backgrounds he builds for Zac are mighty impressive. I assume they are all constructed from palm tree wood and leftover paints from the facelift the La Quinta Resort and Spa received upon hearing that Mike Fleiss was going to take over for the month of July.
Tayshia and Zac ride in a taxi. They visit a bagel shop and eat pizza in Central Park. Zac is playful and flirty. I would also like to point out that he and Tayshia step into a fountain to make out, and, unlike Ben, Zac does not remove all his clothing to do so.
He did decide to straight-up lay down in the fountain whilst dragging Tayshia down with him. I do not blame him one bit. His skin is on fire, and although that water is probably the temperature of my mother’s bathwater, he is at least wet.
You’d think air conditioning would help. Alas, it seems the inside of the resort is just as toasty. Zac’s parents and brother turn into liquified versions of themselves yet are coherent enough to realize that Zac is smiling in a way he hasn’t for a very long time. Zac’s brother asks where Zac compares in line with the other three, and he calls Tayshia out for dodging the question.
He’s number one, bro. Numero uno.
The brother does not get the show. Neither does the dad, but Mama Beatrice is all into the details. In fact, she wants a private audience with Our Host Chris Harrison. AND HE SHOWS UP.
Beatrice is the smartest person on the resort.
She’s also one of the sappiest. She and Zac cry on the couch, giddy that he is ready for a wife and children. Zac lays it all out for his mother and thanks her for her strength and believing in him. We all cry again.
Zac walks Tayshia out the door so they can sit on the traveling “hometown” bench. They agree that their relationship is easy and natural. Then he goes in for the sweatiest, wettest, drippiest kiss known to man.
Tayshia doesn’t seem to mind the taste of salt.
Ivan doesn’t receive a Jump & Straddle™ because Tayshia is in Brendan’s niece’s denim miniskirt, which prohibits her from acquiring optimal mounting positions. Even though Ivan wisely chooses to cook lumpia inside where the air conditioning lives, he’s still sweating like an ABC Intern frantically trying to figure out what “lumpia” is and if the resort kitchen has any of the ingredients to make it.
Ivan’s parents are nothing less than adorable. His dad may be old, but he’s money. And his tiny little mother has no issue showing just as much thigh as Tayshia during their one-on-one time. Tayshia tells his mother that Ivan is open, honest, true, and vulnerable. His mother beams.
Ivan’s dad asks questions about Tayshia’s previous marriage, and they bond over how each of them married too soon. Then he halfway warns her that she should take her time with the next one, but Tayshia nods, knowing that her age starts with the number three, therefore, she’s in the spinster category. She has waited long enough! That’s a green light from Papa Ivan!
Three different times, Ivan notes that he wishes his brother was around. Lo and behold, the brother walks in the door, and Tayshia has to turn Ivan’s chin in Gabriel’s direction for him to notice that HE IS THERE. We are all a puddle of tears at this point. And when Gabriel thanks Ivan for never giving up on him, and his mother whispers with a shaky voice, “We are a family,” I let the waterworks go.
Is Gabriel scary looking? You bet. The man has tattoos on his eyelids. But there is a respect there for Ivan. And Ivan doesn’t see anything but his baby brother. It was beautiful. And Tayshia was so very gracious when Gabriel asked, “So he told you the bad stuff?”
Gabe thinks that Ivan and Tayshia are so organic, they “glow” together. It’s obviously the sweat, but I see what he means. They are a handsome couple for sure who will look amazing on the cover of People Magazine one day.
Ben takes Tayshia on a trip around Venice Beach so they can rollerblade, experience a juice bar, purchase hats and sunglasses, and sweat on a bench in front of a caricature for which they did not sit.
Ben is excited for Tayshia to meet his sister Madeline and their family friend Antonia. His neckline is terrible, but his intentions are real. While Tayshia visits with his sister about how Ben is perfect but is also guarded, Antonia straight up tells Ben that he’s in love with Tayshia.
He hesitates, then shares that every time he’s around Tayshia, he’s impressed by her incredible spirit, decisiveness, intelligence, and how he’s genuinely happy (he thinks). He’s never experienced that feeling before.
Antonia again calls this love and encourages Ben to lean into it. She asks if he’s ever felt this way about another woman? The answer is no, but to label it as love feels scary to Ben. Because once you say it, it can’t be unsaid.
Antonia: “You love her.”
Ben: “I don’t know.”
Antonia: “You love her. It’s not even a question.”
Ben: “I’m…in…love. That’s wild.”
A startled Ben walks Tayshia to the “hometown” bench so they can debrief. He sits in silence as Tayshia tries to figure out his weird vibe. Everyone at home yells at their screens for Ben to SAY IT. TELL HER YOU LOVE HER. TELL HER RIGHT NOW.
He doesn’t. He can’t. The words won’t come. This proves, dear reader, that Ben is not ready for a relationship. Or should I say, he’s not ready for a relationship on fast forward through the lens and rules of a reality show.
Tayshia is done. You can see it in her eyes, her facial expression, and the way she walks away from the bench, barely giving Ben a kiss good-bye. And the sad part is, Ben knows he blew it.
Now I thought that ABC was tricking us into thinking Ben was gone, yet Tayshia was really going to give him a second chance to profess his love and devotion. What do I know?
Tayshia, in a gorgeous hot pink silky cocktail dress, hands her first rose to Ivan — AND THE CROWD GOES WILD! I am so glad he’s still in the running! Zac gets the second one and Brendan lands the third.
Ben does go home. Tayshia throws him a bone, explaining that she really cares about him and appreciates him so much. Ben nods and parrots back what she just said. Let the compartmentalizing begin.
Tayshia begs Ben not to shut down, but it’s too late. He utters “I don’t know” several times before Tayshia is too exhausted to try anymore. He gets in the rejection SUV and drives away with a dazed Tayshia standing there wondering why Ben can’t summon even a fraction of an emotion. Any emotion. Angry, sad, frustrated, confused. Especially when the other three are crying at the drop of a hat.
Poor Ben quickly puzzles through what just happened. He wonders out loud if Tayshia was falling for him, yet she didn’t want to pursue the relationship further if he didn’t tell her how he felt.
It’s a lot. It’s like, a lot.