This is a Test…
It’s taken me so long to write this recap because I’ve been staring at a blank screen for eight hours. Seriously. I’ve been experiencing heart palpitations because I have no idea what to write. Was the show even an hour long last night?
Don’t get me wrong…I love my future husband Brad Womack, but there was some definite snooze moments last night.
I guess the only thing to do is bring back a popular format from last season and check to see if ANYONE was paying attention to last night’s episode.
It’s test time!
Everyone have their number two pencils ready?
Date One
Jenni Couric
What was Jenni’s reaction when she found out they were going to swim with dolphins?
A. SHUT UP!
B. I’m scared!
C. I don’t want to look like a weenie!
D. All of the above.
What best describes Jenni’s bathing bottoms?
A. Cheetah print
B. Junior’s Department sale rack
C. Tiny kitten with a pink bow on its head
D. Non existent
What was your favorite underwater shot during the dolphin date?
A. Jenni and Brad’s flailing legs mercifully treading water
B. Jenni’s butt cheeks straddling the dolphin
C. Jenni’s crotch
D. Close-up of Jenni’s crotch
Quote from Brad: “I would love to spend the night with Jenni and get to know her in that way.” What do you think “that way” means to Brad?
A. That way her tongue feels down his throat
B. That way her snores sound like a buzz saw
C. That way her breath smells in the morning
D. Bow-chicka-bow-bow
True or False
Brad: “I will respect you in the morning.”
What was the “something special” that Brad had for Jenni in his pocket?
A. Forgo card fantasy suite invitation
B. A rose
C. Mr. Happy
D. A picture of Grandma Betty…OPAH!
Which part made Brad “most excited” during his date?
A. Jenni feeling in his pocket for something special.
B. Jenni asking Brad if that was a forgo card in his pocket or was he just happy to see her?
C. Jenni discovering the forgo card and tossing it across the room without reading its contents.
D. We don’t truly know because ABC had to edit it out for the children. No matter how many boob/crotch shots we saw this episode, this isn’t Cinemax people.
Which part was MOST SCRIPTED during the date?
A. Brad and Jenni lounging on the bed.
B. Seeing up Jenni’s skirt as she lounged on the bed.
C. Brad kicking the camera out of the room so he and Jenni can get it on.
Date Two
Bettina
Which object did Bettina most resemble last night?
A. Barbie
B. Toothpick
True or False
You actually give a crap that the sail boat was used in the American Cup Race.
Which best describes the amount of fabric used to create Bettina’s swimsuit?
A. One yard
B. One foot
C. Six inches
D. Dental floss
Which word was NOT used to describe Bettina in the course of the night?
A. Hot
B. Super hot
C. Beautiful
D. Plump
True or False?
It was lame that ABC used the same fantasy suites for each date, but tried to fake us out with the million blinding candles.
Bettina should NOT have done the following:
A. Work her father into the conversation
B. Telling Brad that moving to Austin would be difficult for her family
C. Leaning AWAY from the kiss in the steamy hot tub. (It’s official. She’s on crack.)
D. Told Brad she was falling in love.
Date Three
DeAHnna
Which interjection did Bettina NOT shout to Brad as they were racing dune buggies?
A. EAT MY DUST TURKEY!
B. YOU’RE LOOKING GOOD IN MY REAR VIEW MIRROR.
C. IF YOU NEED ME TO TEACH YOU HOW TO DRIVE, LET ME KNOW.
D. I refuse to be a weenie like Jenni Couric. He’s going down.
True or False:
DeAHnna: “In a normal relationship, you do spend the night and wake up together in each other’s arms.”
What did DeAHnna claim to know about her relationship with Brad?
A. I knew the minute I met you…it was right.
B. I knew there were crazy feelings when we kissed.
C. I knew when you left my house, you had my heart.
D. I knew that if I played my coy cards right, I’d be in the bottom two.
Who did Brad say he had a perfect night with?
A. Pick DeAHnna because that is the section we are on.
B. Jenni Couric
C. Bettina
D. Our host Chris Harrison
Rose Ceremony
Poor Brad is about to throw up. And that’s what I like about him. He compares his feelings with the weather…both tumultuous. (Take that SAT word Bettina’s Dad!)
He knows that someone is going to walk away with a broken heart. We all know that person is Bettina. Little Bets had no idea. I have to admit, I was on baited breathe myself. All the girls breathing heavily, including me and the ABC psychotherapist. It was a good 25 seconds before he called Jenni and another 14 before he called DeAHnna.
Brad walks Bets out to the courtyard. She says she is shocked. Brad says that this decision haunted him all day. Bettina decides that he didn’t pick her because it just wasn’t right and if he feels for Jenni and DeAHnna the way she feels for him, then so be it. Brad admits to the camera that it was just too much work. And true love should be easy.
Little waifish Bettina is handling herself well. She’s not crying. Her eyes are a bit watery, but that is to be expected. She tells her limo driver that she is still shocked and didn’t see it coming at all. I was so proud of her for not falling apart completely and then it happens. Look out below! F-bomb incoming!
Bettina: “It must be wonderful. Wonderful for him and the other girls. F-ing off the charts unbelievable. I can’t imagine putting myself out there again. I just fell in love with myself.”
And as I’m reaching for the remote to rewind to see what the heck Bettina just said, she repeats that she just fell in love with herself.
Interesting. I hope your other self brought a sandwich because girl needs to get some meat on those bones!
Bonus Question:
Who was NOT invited to Women Tell All that airs next week?
A. Bettina
B. Crazy Hillary
C. You
D. Me
Life’s too sweet to be bitter people.
All about the shame, not the fame,
Lincee
Love it…..
so you are going to the tell all show… wave to us! 🙂
ps: you mean DD, not Bettina on the race car date right?
Which interjection did Bettina NOT shout to Brad as they were racing dune buggies?
^^^ Dehanna, not Bettina
Worth the wait…’cuz last night wasn’t.
So hopes he picks Jenni, just so I never have to see DeAHanna’s blinking eyes again!
Bettina said “I just fell in love BY myself”, not WITH myself.
I totally rewound it, too.
These things I’m sure of:
A. Bettina is STILL trying to figure out what an ‘America’s Cup Race’ is…
B. DeAHnna says, “I’m falling in love with you” with the exact same intensity and emotional involvement as she would, “Yes, I’d love to supersize that order.”…
C. Jenni may be the first ‘First Impression’ rose recipient to win it all…. and;
D. Riley and Aidan are going to be the best!
“bow chicka bow bow” – major tee hees
My prediction: He will pick D.D. They are already broken up because he will quickly learn that D.Diddy has a mean streak. Jenni will be the next bachelorette, and it will be a great show. Remember, the greatest success of The Bachelor of all time was another little runner-up rockette, Trista.
What a yawner last night was…you did GREAT to pull that much out of it!
The real excitement is that YOU will be in the same room(studio) with THE HOT ONE next week…we’re all rooting for you…he turns, spots you in the audience, your eyes will meet and he’ll know…I’m just saying..he’ll know YOU’RE THE ONE!!! 😉
Great job recapping such a dull episode!
I dunno, I’m kinda hoping at this point that Lincee’s Future Husband picks DeAHnna, because she’s not quite as annoying and shallow and “heylookitme!!!” as Jenni Couric. But if he doesn’t pick Miss Couric, boy, she’s gonna be devastated…he keeps trying to tell her in every way possible, without coming right out and saying it, that she should open up to him because she’s got Nothing To Worry About. Argh. Maybe he’ll have an eleventh-hour change of heart and realize she’s just a camera-grubber.
Did anyone else wonder where our lovely host, Chris was last night? McHottie had to host his own rose ceremony! Any scoop?
Yawn! I am awestruck that you can take such a BORING night and turn it into such a great recap! Very impressive!
Oh, MY GOD! I’m not saying I’m surprised on the outcome.. but.. I just KNEW Lincee would mention the
“Americas Cup” comment, yea really; who DOES care? That was a given! Noticed how DD’s hair kept changing in each shot? First it was all blowing, misshapen.. then all the sudden it was sprayed into place. Rewind!! Its sooo obvious! Then how Bettina kept playing w/ her hair.. the WHOLE time.. twist, knot, twirl, push, push.. AAAGGGHHH! Even in the hot tub! Bless her heart! I’d never play w/ my hair so obnoxiously!
Even the date w/ Bett (like bUtt) and Brad was off-kilter, he just said its taking his breath away, but “OH NO, you don’t fool us! Can’t believe he even said it!!
Down to the bottom two~ Wonder if the procuders are just making us think its going to be Jenni???
Again, Love you Lincee!
I should have saved myself an hour (alright, less than an hour, ha!) and just waited for the recap…you were much more entertaining than the actual show.
There was one moment in those 45 minutes that I thought. Lincee can use that. I don’t tape any shows so I couldn’t rewind. I can’t remember who did it even tonight. But someone almost forgot Brad’s name it seemed to me. She paused so long then said “Brad” that it made me smile.
ooooh, women tell all…please come back and tell us all!! 🙂
great job as usual lincee…you truly are a talent.
Did anyone catch what Brad said in the preview for the final show? I think he said something like “I never thought it would end up like this”. What did that mean? That he would actually fall in love? He should have kept Hillary becuase he really did love her? What? Any ideas?